Sheparding the Wolves
by The Sorrows of Arlathan
Summary: (Personal Traynor Sequel) Ten years post-Reaper War, Shepard's still battling her demons. Her marriage to Samantha has broken down, as she sets off to find a missing comrade at the expense of salvaging a once happy relationship. Meanwhile, Samantha Shepard (née Traynor) returns to University, dealing with the fallout of their relationship, bearing the weight of the name 'Shepard'.
1. Chapter 1

_Red sky in the morning. Shepard's warning._

The end of the Reaper war was ten years previous. The galaxy had begun to rebuild, and the Mass Effect relays had been restored and operational. Earth was now as it should be, rejuvenating after the damage it suffered as the brunt of the synthetic invasion. The skies were still scarred, but a post-war peace had taken over the planet. _How long will it last though?_

Commander Hayley Shepard, and First-Lieutenant Samantha Shepard, sat in their lavishly decorated living room. A breath-taking view of the Seychelles was visible through the window, casting a golden glow through the heart of their home.

"You still love her, don't you?"

Shepard met Samantha's dark eyes, watching them fill with tears. "Not in the way you think," she replied.

Samantha deflated. "So that's it."

"Is it?" Shepard had never been able to watch her cry. She got up, passing between Samantha's armchair and the coffee table. She rested against the high marble fireplace, staring down into the ashes in the burnt-out grate. _I can't believe it's come to this._

Samantha watched her. "You tell me, darling. For I have no idea what's going through your head anymore."

Shepard swallowed over the knot in her throat. "If that's what you want," she said. "You've obviously drawn up this inane conclusion that I want _her_ back."

"I don't think you ever got over her breaking your heart in the first place. I mean, not really."

"That's not what this is about!" Shepard slammed her hand off the fireplace and spun back to Samantha. "I broke her heart by choosing _you, _Sam. Liara and I were even. But that's not what this is about, and you know it. It's about how distant I've been these past few years. Tell me the truth."

Samantha's silence spoke a thousand words.

"What did you think would happen after the Reaper war?" Shepard thundered on. "Did you think we would live happily ever after? Did you think I'd just be able to forget the whole thing after a few months of marriage?"

"Of course I didn't," Samantha snapped back, finally breaking. "But good Lord, Shepard. Ten years we've been married. And I can't even remember the last time we went to bed together."

"I can't sleep," Shepard reminded her.

"That's not what I—"

"I know what you meant!" Shepard interrupted. She exhaled, creaking out the discomfort in her neck, and sat back down in the sofa. _I can't remember the last time I even touched her._

Legion, their German Shepard, came bounding towards her and buried her face in the Commander's lap. Shepard tickled behind her ears absentmindedly. She felt Samantha staring. She always stared. It made her clam up, made her freeze. Shepard wanted to open up to her so much, but she just couldn't do it. _I never have been good at total disclosure._

"It's been a whole decade since you last toured aboard the Normandy," Samantha said. "Do you really believe running off half-cocked, with a piece of shrapnel still lodged in your neck, is going to do any good? Do Liara any good?"

"I won't let anything happen to her," Shepard said. "I can't."

"And what about me?" Samantha asked. "What do you think will happen to me when you're gone?"

Shepard stared into her eyes again, glancing fleetingly at Samantha's lips, remembering simpler times when she could have just kissed her and had her full support. "I want you to come, Samantha. Please... I don't think I can do this without you."

Samantha shook her head. "I'm sorry, darling. I don't support the decision you've made, without consulting me no less. I just can't watch you run off into danger again. It always tore the heart of me. I thought you were done with all that."

"I thought so too, but I can't stop being who I am." Shepard was hoarse with emotion. "Maybe that's the problem. That I tried to be different… For you."

A tear finally spilled down Samantha's cheek. "Then I'm sorry." Her voice shook. "I just don't have the strength to hang around and watch you kill yourself anymore. Maybe this break will do us both good."

"You're not talking about a break, Samantha; you're talking about a _divorce!_" Shepard snapped. Even uttering the word aloud made her stomach curl.

"Maybe I am," Samantha sniffled. "But you haven't been present in this marriage for a number of years now. You even stopped going to your counselling sessions with Doctor Chakwas."

"Chakwas was old, even back then. Now she's a tiny frame of a woman, stuck in a wheelchair with enough PTSD of her own. She doesn't need mine on top of all that."

"She was helping you," Samantha insisted. "You'd started to improve after the war, but it's the only thing I ever saw you give up on. And now? Well, now look at us. Separation is the only way forward for me that doesn't involve tearing us both apart."

Shepard flared up again. "Is that the real reason? Or is this just the 'out' you've been waiting for?" Her emerald eyes flash a dangerous, synthetic orange. "I tried to warn you I was broken, but you didn't listen. And now it's too late to go back on your vows. Afraid of looking like a hypocrite to the galaxy, I guess."

"How can you say that to me?" Samantha's question was barely a whisper. Another tear streamed down her bronze face, cutting Shepard to the core. "I gave you everything," Samantha breathed. "I _loved_ you, Shepard! But nine unresponsive years out of the ten we've been married have been truly hard on me."

"I know," Shepard sighed, clutching a hand full of her short red hair.

"Then Liara goes missing, supposedly kidnapped, and all of a sudden you perk up and declare that you're setting off on the Normandy to find her? Well, that just speaks volumes to me."

"Liara was a part of my crew," Shepard reminded her. "If any of you disappeared like that, I'd do the same damn thing."

Samantha gave a dry laugh. "Well, you know what they say, darling. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder."

She watched the effect of her words wound the Commander, then pulled off the dog-tags that bore her married name. She placed them on the coffee table, and got to her feet. Shepard looked a broken shell of the woman she had once been. She barely felt Samantha place a distant kiss on her head. Samantha took up the handle of her suitcase, wheeling it to the front door.

Shepard stared down into Legion's wise eyes. The dog seemed to feel her pain. _Go and get her, _Legion was saying. _Stop her from leaving us! _But Shepard remained paralysed. She sensed Samantha turn back, as though to say something else, but nothing came out. She gave up and turned away, walking out of the house, closing the door with a definitive _snap._

Shepard flinched, as if it had been slammed. She bit her lower lip to stop its ridiculous quiver. Staring up at the mantelpiece again, she spotted a digital photograph of herself and Samantha. Shepard walked to it, taking it in her hands, gazing into happy faces of their younger selves on their wedding day. She traced Samantha's smile with her finger, aching, wondering where it all went wrong. A single tear splashed across the screen. The frame slipped between Shepard's fingers, and smashed across the hardwood. She felt her synthetic heart shatter with it.

Unable to fight her panic attack, Shepard stumbled backwards from the carnage, falling on her ass. A sound she'd never made before escaped her, and she clutched her knees to her chin, fighting to hold herself together. Legion ran to her at once, licking the tears from her face. Shepard hugged the dog close, and sobbed into her black and brown fur. Legion's head rested on her shoulder in comfort. _How does she know how much pain I'm in? _Shepard had hidden her emotions under the surface for so long, but the dog seemed to sense her agony. She'd buried everything for as long as she could remember, and in doing so pushed away the only woman she loved. For Samantha was wrong. Liara would only ever be an afterthought. She would only ever be another member of the Normandy crew. B_ut that doesn't mean she isn't worth saving._

Remembering Liara's plight, Shepard buried her pain, and put on the metaphorical mask she had worn saving the galaxy. She withdrew from Legion and got up, ashamed at breaking, even in front of the dog. _I can't stay in this house any longer. _The very sight of it pierced her heart. Steeling herself, Shepard stormed to the bedroom she and Samantha had shared for a decade. Sunlight streamed in through the balcony shutters, casting thin beams of light across the rich modern decor. She tore the wardrobe asunder, stuffing her old Alliance regs into a small footlocker with an Alliance logo. She pulled up her Omni-tool.

"Joker, bring the Normandy round. I'm ready to leave."

"Yes, Ma'am," came Joker's reply. "Shepard 2.0 coming as well?"

"Just get here," Shepard ordered, avoiding the topic. "Liara needs us."

"Aye, aye, Commander. ETA five minutes. Joker out."

The bedroom fell into semi-darkness again, as the orange glow of the Omni-tool went out. Shepard's eyes fixated on the queen-size bed. She walked to Samantha's side, and sat down, burying her face in the pillow. It still held her honeyed scent. Shepard fought another moment of weakness, and resisted the urge to curl up under the covers. Somehow the bed would always be empty without her wife's warmth.

"I need a cocktail." She picked up her footlocker and exited the room, closing the door to her old life. _Not like I haven't done that before._

Shepard re-entered the living room. She picked up Samantha's dog-tags, wrapping the silver chain around her fingers and staring down at the engraving:

_Lt. Samantha Shepard._

It had all seemed so simple during the war. Everyone thought they would be dead tomorrow, and life altering decisions were made without a second thought. Shepard never once believed she was making the right decision with Samantha. Not because she didn't love her, but because she always knew she would hurt her. She had pushed her away for so long, because she knew she would in the end, either by a premature death or an undisclosed future. But she had succumbed to her desire. Asking Samantha to be her wife had been selfish, but Shepard couldn't imagine a life worth living without her in it. It didn't seem fair that everyone else was getting to be with the one they loved and she wasn't.

Shepard slipped the dog-tags into her N7 jacket, unable to part with them. It was the only remnant of marriage she had left now, the only piece of Samantha that didn't recoil at the sight of her. She couldn't let go. She didn't want to. But Samantha was allowed to walk away if that's what she needed to do. Shepard didn't want to hurt her any longer. She couldn't be selfish again in asking her to stay.

Stepping over the broken photo on the floor, she walked to the door. Legion bounded at her heels, thinking she was going for a walk. "I can't take you with me, girl," Shepard told her. "Chakwas will be over in an hour to take care of you."

Legion stared up at her. Somehow she still had her puppy dog eyes.

"You'd be bored on the Normandy," Shepard argued. "I just can't bring…" Her words failed her as the dog whimpered, tilting her head to the side. "Oh, alright then, come on, Space Dog. Joker's just going to have to get used to you."

Legion barked in approval. They left home together. Shepard locked the front door with a scan of her Omni-tool, and glanced out at the garden, surrounded by a dilapidated, white picket fence. It was as though she was expecting Samantha to be there, sunbathing, reading a book she had read a million times over. _Her intellect was one of her most attractive traits._ The empty garden upset Shepard more than anything else had that day. It was a picturesque scene of all that had gone wrong for them.

Suddenly, a gust of wind blew across the field, and the Seychelles sun was blocked out as the Normandy flew overhead. The magnificent ship landed in the pit of Shepard's agony, breathing new life into her. _Hello, old girl. _The shuttle bay opened, and out came Lieutenant-Commander Vega to wave her aboard. Shepard took a deep breath. She left the doorstep, taking Legion by the collar, and they both jogged across the makeshift LZ.

Vega clapped Shepard on the back, and ushered her on. She passed the dog's collar to him, and he led an over-excited Legion aboard. Shepard glanced back at her and Samantha's home, as the Normandy rose from the ground. She felt nothing but regret at the sight of it. For the longest time, she had buried her pain, but she couldn't hide another tear that escaped down her cheek. The door to the shuttle bay closed, mercifully blocking it from view.

"Welcome aboard, Comm- Argh!" James yelled as Legion bounded up on him, barking with enthusiasm.

Shepard discreetly wiped her face, before forcing herself to smile. "I think she likes you. Not much of a guard dog."

Vega petted Legion's mane. "Man, I love dogs. Who's a good girl, uh?" Legion became even crazier. "Ey, _sientate, _big woman! You're going to knock me over."

The three of them walked the length of the shuttle bay. It looked exactly the same as the last time Shepard had been aboard. She was glad that Vega had kept everything just right, after taking over as acting Captain, while Shepard took official leave of absence from the Alliance. Each tour of the Normandy Vega had led was under her advisement, but she knew he could handle the pressure of stepping into her shoes. He kept her informed of every mission nonetheless, more so out of respect that necessity. As Shepard was still technically part of the military, he wasn't breaking any rules.

"So," James said, as Legion trotted at his heels. "Should I even ask where the nerd is? Or does the look on your face answer that?" Shepard didn't reply. "Ouch!" James whistled. "That bad, uh?"

"I'd rather not get into it," Shepard sighed, angrily drying her face. "Any news on Liara?"

James shook his head. "Just what you already know, Commander. She was last seen on Tuchanka, working in a lab investigating the Genophage cure, making sure it was progressing. Wrex put a protection detail on her when word got out to the public she was the Shadow Broker. She disappeared before the entourage got there, leaving signs of a struggle."

"No Asari is safe in this new galaxy," Shepard said, "Shadow Broker or no. She would have been targeted eventually."

"They're not the most popular of races after the part they played in the Reaper War," James said. "Withholding Prothean artefacts like that while the galaxy went to ruin around them? Can't say I blame the other races for shunning them. We would've lost a lot less had they been more forthcoming with the intel."

"You can't blame a whole race for the transgressions of a few," Shepard said. "The Asari still have value beyond stripping and dancing. They don't all deserve an execution because their government let them down."

They got into the elevator and pressed the button to the CIC. Legion sat at Shepard's side, scratching her pointy ear with her back leg.

"Isn't this the sort of thing we were fighting against?" Vega asked. "I mean, _Dios, _I get it. They screwed up. Their fall from grace was brutal. But Thessia was destroyed too, killing most Asari. Killing all who remain won't help rebuild the galaxy you saved."

"_We _saved," Shepard corrected. "And no, it won't. That's why we have to get Liara back. She's the face of her people now; a war hero amongst the war criminals. The Asari would be lost without her, and that paints a hefty price tag on her head. She's important to the future of Asari. That's why we have to save her."

"That the only reason?" James asked.

Shepard exhaled. "Hell, you sound like Samantha."

"Hey, I ain't taking sides," he grinned. "Just seems like you could have delegated this job to someone else, and stayed home. You've seen enough battle to last a lifetime."

"Or two in my case," Shepard joked. "But I couldn't just let someone else do this. I owe Liara this much."

"And Sammy?" James pressed.

Shepard wished the elevator would hurry up. "Samantha's just going to have to decide whether she loves the real me, or just the idea of me. Apparently I haven't been the wife she expected."

Legion barked. The elevator door sprung open.

"You'll work it out," James said, squeezing Shepard's shoulder. "Love fizzles out, you know? You just got to reignite the flame when it does."

"Where'd you read that, the inside of a fortune cookie?" Shepard smiled.

James laughed. "Same old Shepard. No mercy."

"Never."

They rounded the Galaxy Map and made their way to the Normandy's helm. The crew who had survived the war saluted both Vega and Shepard as they passed. Joker hobbled out of his chair to greet them.

"Welcome aboard, Commander. Hey, where's Sa-?" His voice trailed off as James made a cut-throat action with his hand.

Shepard closed her eyes for a few seconds, pretending she hadn't noticed. "What have we got, Joker?" she asked, bypassing him, as Legion rolled over for Joker to scratch her belly. Shepard brought up the mission brief on the Normandy's screen.

"Straight to business!" Joker teased, using his foot to pet the dog. He and Legion weren't on the best of terms. It had something to do with every time the dog jump on him, and broke one of his brittle bones. "Someone's still got a stick up their ass."

"You being that stick, shithead," Shepard replied in kind. "Now what have you got?"

Shepard knew James and Joker were communicating silently behind her back. Again, she chose to ignore it. Finally, Joker answered. "I've set a course for Tuchanka. Wrex might have more information about the abduction. Unless you want to stop somewhere else first?"

"I do," Shepard said. "Tell Wrex to investigate the scene personally, and send me what he finds. Set a course for Omega instead."

"What are you hoping to find there?" James asked. "Liara has no ties in Omega that we know of."

"But Aria does," Shepard said. "Liara's a rival to her now. If anyone knows anything about an abduction of the most powerful Asari in the galaxy, it's our old friend."

"You think this was maybe how Liara was discovered?" Joker asked, reseating himself at the helm, and bringing up the controls from EDI's interface.

"I'm sure of it," Shepard said, leaning on the back of his chair. "We're in a new galaxy here, guys. If Aria isn't directly responsible for the disappearance, then she'll at least know who is. It's a start. We'll piece the information with whatever Wrex finds, and hopefully have a lead."

"Aye, aye, Commander."

Shepard took a seat with Legion on her lap. James buckled himself in too, as Joker activated the FTL drive once the Normandy left Earth's atmosphere. As soon as they came out into the centre of the stars, Shepard unhooked herself and got up, ushering Legion onto the floor who seemed a little disorientated after the jump in time and space.

"Where you rushing off to?" Joker asked. "Afraid we'll press you on the joys of married life?"

Shepard slapped his cap down over his eyes. "I don't feel like talking."

"Suit yourself," Joker said. "EDI's a good listener though, if you change your mind. Aren't you EDI?"

"Jeff, you are being rude," came EDI's smooth voice over the intercom. "I understand Commander Shepard wishes to be alone."

"Thank you, EDI," Shepard grinned.

James laughed. "Don't you know anything, Joker? Womenalways stick together."

As Joker opened his mouth to retort, Shepard left them to their bickering, telling Legion to stay. She climbed back into the elevator and took it to the top floor to her quarters. Vega had left them relatively untouched during her relief of duty. The Normandy was still technically Shepard's after all, but she knew he had done it out of admiration. He was the perfect candidate to take over command in her absence. The way Vega had inherited the ship was much like how Shepard herself had received it from Admiral Anderson. _Rest his soul._

Walking inside brought back so many memories for her. This had been her safe zone from the rest of the galaxy during the war. This had been her shield against the Reapers. It had contained her tortured body, just as her mind had contained her tormented thoughts. Passing the glowing empty fish tank, Shepard sat down on the right side of the bed and shoved her footlocker under it. She paced her hand on the cool, empty surface of the bedside cabinet, where her lamp used to sit. She remembered breaking it in a fit of rage, after Samantha had tricked her into meeting her mother, Amanda, on the citadel during the war. Things had been so tense after that. Samantha had begged for her back then. She had cried for her back then.

_Why wasn't she here now, doing the same thing?_

Shepard flopped back, lying atop the crisp bed sheets. She brought a scarred hand to her temple and closed her eyes, massaging her migraine. Samantha's face plagued her. Settling down was never easy, but the spoils of war made it harder. The Reaper War had stolen Shepard's future, either way she looked at it. She'd tried so hard to be normal, for Samantha's sake, but in the end maybe she lost who she really was along the way.

"Shepard?"

"Yeah, EDI."

"I took the liberty of ordering a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy for you, in order to welcome you back aboard the Normandy. It is in the bottom drawer of your desk."

Shepard opened her eyes, staring up at the ceiling, "I… Wow, thanks, EDI. That's actually perfect."

"I aim to please," came the AI's cool response.

Shepard grinned. She straightened up and leaned across to the desk. Sure enough, rolling around the bottom drawer was an unopened bottle of brandy. Attached to it was a red and white striped bow and greeting card.

"Aw, I missed you too," Shepard said, reading EDI's words through Joker's penmanship. The AI's body had been destroyed in the war when the Crucible had erupted, but most of her core programming had somehow survived. It was a nice touch having Joker write a note for her. EDI had learned so much regarding human and alien behaviour. Shepard was relieved that they had got her back online after the Reapers were destroyed.

"The Normandy was not the same without you. I also remembered how much you enjoyed getting drunk during the war," EDI joked. "Welcome home, Commander."

The word 'home' made Shepard despair. She thought back to the home she'd left behind. She and Samantha had had so much fun decorating it. Legion had knocked over so many tins of paint, causing them to start afresh every few days. _She was such an energetic pup._ It didn't matter how many times they did it though. It had been nice to do something normal, after so much fighting and death. _When did normal life become dull to me though? When did I shut down and become so unresponsive that even Samantha couldn't reach me?_

Shepard sat on her pillow, stretching her legs out on the bed, boots still on. She opened the brandy and took a sniff. She'd been sober for a few years now, after battling addiction for the longest time. But that no longer mattered. All Shepard knew in that moment, was that she couldn't live with the pain of having lost the woman she loved. Painkillers had never worked, burning up too quickly in her synthetic system, and alcohol had gotten her through years of war. Ignoring the guilt of all her hard work going to waste, she took a grateful swig. The old demon inside her rose, relishing the burn to her throat. Shepard then laid her head back against the wall, and lost herself in memories of her broken marriage.

#

"Darling, I'm telling you, you can't do that!" Samantha curled up in bed with laughter. They were under the sheets, shielding from the early morning sunlight streaming in through the balcony doors. Puppy Legion was sleeping at the end of the bed, warming their feet.

"I definitely could," Shepard chuckled. "Vega used to tease us about our relationship all the time! And now he's going on his first date in years? It's just too good an opportunity to pass up."

"Let him be," Samantha sang. "He's probably nervous enough as it is."

"Were you nervous on our first date?"

"I was positively terrified!" Samantha teased. "Actually, which first date are we talking about? The one I had arranged with Elena that you commandeered, or the one where you ditched me for the Quarians and I amused myself in your shower?"

Shepard smiled, tracing Samantha's cheek. "Amused yourself? I think I played a hand in that too, if you recall."

Samantha kissed her hand. Her swimming chocolate eyes stared deep into Shepard's. "I remember it fondly, darling." Shepard drew her close, allowing the cover to fall on them. She felt Samantha's lips curl into a smile as she met them with her own. Samantha hummed, reluctantly pulling back as Shepard's kiss became a little too knowing. "We can't. We need to go. You have that meeting, and I have to—"

"But what I have planned will only take a second," Shepard teased, kissing her again. She didn't want to let her go.

Samantha laughed, allowing her to continue a while longer. "Mmm, no," she said, slapping Shepard's naked bum. "You've kept me late three times already this week. Anymore and I'll surely be sacked."

"They're never going to fire you, Samantha."

"How do you know?"

"Because they're too afraid of big bad Shepard coming down to kick their ass."

Samantha chuckled. "Yes, being the wife of the most feared and respected woman in the galaxy does have its perks."

"How'd you get so lucky, Mrs Shepard?"

"Oh, the usual. Being in the wrong place, at the wrong time."

Shepard laughed. "That'll do it!"

Samantha distracted her with a quick peck on the lips, before escaping from under the bed covers. Shepard pulled her head out from under them, and rested her head on her hand, watching her go. She marvelled at Samantha's beautifully toned body.

"What?" Samantha asked, coyly, getting a towel from the cupboard.

"Nothing," Shepard shook her head. "Just can't help thinking that I'm the lucky one."

Samantha smiled. "We're almost a year married now. You think you might have gotten over the shock."

"What, the shock of something having actually gone in my favour?" Shepard laughed. "Never. There's enough of this year left yet for some new Armageddon to fall on—OH, LEGION! NO!" Shepard sprang up out of bed and scooped up the sleeping puppy. "She's pissing again! SHE'S PISSING! OPEN THE DOOR!"

She jumped off the bed with the dog, as a laughing Samantha got the balcony door. The Commander plunked Legion down on the veranda where she finished off her business, staring guiltily up at her owners.

Shepard shook out her soaking foot. "Every time! Why always me?"

"Maybe you just bring it out in her, darling," Samantha chuckled, still doubled over.

Shepard bent down to pet Legion, tickling behind her ears. "Don't worry, I still love you, you little shit. Happens to the best of us."

"Whose foot have you pissed on?"

"We all have a past," Shepard joked. She followed Samantha back into the bedroom. "See what I mean about another Armageddon?" She sat down on the bed, far away from the wet patch. "I'm just a magnet for them."

Samantha picked up her towel again, flinging it seductively over her shoulder. She threw Shepard a wink. "Well, how about a quickie in the shower before the next one?"

Shepard scrambled out of bed after her.


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard jerked awake. She had fallen asleep, clutching her bottle of brandy. Tears had dried on her cheeks which she wiped away groggily, ashamed of herself for having fallen off the wagon. She'd only drank a quarter of the bottle, but after being sober for so long, it was more than enough to knock her on her ass.

"Docking on Omega, Commander," came Joker's voice over the Normandy's intercom. "Two minutes out."

"Roger that," she mumbled. "I'm on my way down." Shepard reluctantly clambered out of her bed, placing the bottle of brandy on the cabinet. Her head was spinning. Alcohol was still one of the few things that ever gave her respite. Samantha once suggested that she relied too heavily on it, but Shepard didn't know how else to deal with the war, or its aftermath.

_My marriage survived alcoholism, but fell privy to lack of communication? Well, we can't all be Comms Specialists._

With a grim smile at her ill-timed joke, she brushed her fingers through her dishevelled hair. It had gotten so long since her time away from the Alliance, falling past her shoulders in fiery waves. She walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Flex of grey threatened her roots, but her crimson dye smothered the rest. There were a few thin streaks of hair missing along her scalp where scars resided; a result of the Lazarus Project and of not-so-recent battles. Her sweeping fringe needed a trim, but all things considered she looked rather well, and definitely didn't look her age. If it wasn't for the tell-tale signs on her face, and the pain behind her eyes, she would have been able to hide herself better.

_Being cryogenically frozen for a few years tends to halt the aging process._

Shepard took a quick pee and washed her hands. She swept cold water over her hair, slicking it back, and wrapped it up into a loop with an elastic band. As she left, she stole a quick glimpse of the shower. Images Samantha's body came back tenfold. _She really was obsessed with showers. _Remembering the water trickling down her copper complexion made Shepard burn with longing. She wanted her, right here, right now, so they could put things right. _Yet why didn't I do that when we were together?_ Samantha was correct. It had been much too long since the last time they'd even been intimate. They had fought for so hard for their future, but when it came, it seemed they weren't sure how to actually spend it with each other.

Shepard came to, somewhere past the Omega docks, having been lost in thought about Samantha the whole way there.

"Hey, are you even listening to me?" Vega asked, digging her arm.

"Huh? Oh, yeah." Shepard sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Sorry, just thinking. What were you saying?"

Vega wasn't fooled, but he kept his thoughts to himself. "I said Garrus is meeting us at Afterlife. Aria's expecting us."

"Of course she is," Shepard smiled. "It wouldn't be like Aria to be taken by surprise. Her security's increased heavily since the Cerberus takeover."

"You two know each other well, huh?" Vega grinned.

"Something like that," Shepard smirked. "We had a little dalliance in the past. Oh, and I used to pass out in a drunken heap on her couch in Purgatory."

"Ha! I'd forgotten about that. If it had of been anyone else, I'm sure she would have had them killed."

"Yeah, but Aria and I go way back," Shepard said. "Which makes this rendezvous with her all the more unpredictable."

"You really think she had a hand in Liara's kidnapping?"

Shepard waited until they had passed the Batarian henchmen at the doorway to the club before responding. They were of the few Batarians remaining in the galaxy. She and James skipped the queue and were allowed through. A quick body scan told the Batarians all they needed to know. Shepard was famous after all. That, above all else, was proof that Aria was waiting for them though. They had to be careful in her lair.

The pumping trance music wafted out into the violently pink entrance hall.

"I'm sure of it," Shepard replied, once safe from listening ears. "Aria hasn't ever had influence with Liara before, not like she did with the Asari Councillors. Now there are no Asari on the council, Liara's probably the most influential voice for their people. She's an unknown threat to Aria, who's a close second, and until she reveals whose side she's on, Aria will perceive her to be on the wrong one."

"You know her better than I do. Let's get a drink while we wait for Garrus… Oh, shit, sorry," he cringed. "Always forget you're sober."

"No, a drink sounds good," Shepard agreed.

Vega exchanged a look with her. "Shit, man. You sure? How many years has it been?"

Shepard smiled wryly. "Before last night? Three years, 54 days." She pulled a tiny coin of sobriety out of her pocket and tossed it to him. "All gone out the airlock now though."

James caught it. He said nothing further, but Shepard could practically hear his thoughts whirling. The two of them made their way to the bar, through the gyrating patrons lucky enough to be allowed entry. Shepard leaned back on the counter, ordering the drinks. She knew if she left it to Vega he would try and buy her virgins to keep her on the wagon. Waiting, she stared up at the silhouette of a sole Asari pole-dancer overhead, thrusting shapes in front of the pink backlight of the central screen. Something inside her tingled. She hadn't thought of an Asari that way in many years, but it obviously still did something for her.

"Quite a view," James said, following her gaze.

"Oh yeah? What do you know about Asari?"

"I know a little," he chuckled, swigging his rum on the rocks that the bartender placed on the counter. "Maybe not as much as you though."

"Oh, here we go!" Shepard laughed. "What are you getting at Lieutenant? And bear in mind that I can still kick your ass. Choose your next words carefully."

"Ouch! My bad, man," James chuckled. "I was just saying though. Liara? Aria? There anymore hot Asari notches in your weapons belt that I don't know about?"

"Let's... not open that door," Shepard chuckled, shifting her weight. She accepted her Apple Martini and scanned her credit chit to pay. As she made to raise the drink her lips, Vega grabbed her hand, stopping her.

"Shepard, wait, I can't let you do this. What's really going on? You haven't so much as mentioned Traynor since coming aboard the Normandy. And I haven't seen you touch a drink in years. "

Shepard placed the drink back on the counter. "I… I really can't get into it, James."

"I just don't like seeing you piss away years of hard work for one damn cocktail."

"Who said I was stopping at one?"

"Shepard!" Vega growled, preventing her from drinking again. "I'm serious. My father was an addict. His drug of choice was Red Sand. I've already been down this road before, man. I know how it ends, and I can't see that happening to you."

Shepard clenched her jaw. "Look, just let me worry _my_ issues." She removed herself from his grip and raised the Martini to her lips. Somehow it didn't taste worth it anymore, but taste wasn't the reason she bought it. It was feeding a demon inside of her, one that she had starved for years. "Shall we get a table?"

James bit his tongue, and gestured for her to lead the way reluctantly. Shepard chose a seat in the corner, away from prying eyes. It had been a while since she'd set foot on Omega, or out of the Sol System in general, however she still couldn't go anywhere without people pointing and whispering. Being the saviour of the galaxy meant she never stayed incognito for long. She seated herself in front of a private dancer, and James sat down beside her. They both stared up at the beautiful blue body, swaying seductively on their table, wearing just enough purple, skin-tight leather to leave a little to the imagination. Shepard couldn't hide the desire in her eyes.

"Why do I feel kinda guilty about bringing you here?" James asked, watching her.

"Because you're a bad friend?" Shepard joked, not taking her eyes off the Asari's voluptuous cleavage. "Isn't going to a strip club supposed to help me forget my real life?"

"Man, not if you're married," James chuckled, rolling his eyes. "And I know under all that bravado that you still love your wife."

"Is this really bar-room talk?"

"I'm just saying!" James continued. "You could try putting your tongue back in your mouth, and acting like you're actually struggling with the temptation in here."

His words only instigated Shepard further. She threw him an impish grin, then slipped her credit chit in her mouth and buried her face in the Asari's bosom. The woman flung her head back erotically, and propelled her chest forwards, pulling the Commander's face further into them. If it had of been anyone else, they would have been chucked out, but the dancer was clearly enjoying Commander Shepard touching her.

"I'm _so_ telling Samantha about this!" James fell into barking laughter, seeing the reaction of people around them. Some were affronted, enraged that the bouncers were looking elsewhere, but most were cheering on Shepard and her penchant for breaking the rules.

"I see the fun's started without me."

"Garrus!" Shepard exclaimed, coming up for air. Her face was covered in glitter, as she smiled at her oldest friend. "You look like shit!"

Garrus accepted her hug, and the disappointed Asari cleared off, seeing the show was over. "Thanks, I've been working out."

"All those calibrations, huh?"

Garrus laughed. "So, this is what married life looks like, face deep in strippers? I knew I should have taken the plunge."

Shepard downed her apple martini, avoiding the question. The ball of pain that had nestled in her gut since Samantha left writhed inside of her again.

"You're just in time, big man," James interjected, saving her the trouble of having to answer. He got to his feet and shook a confused Garrus' hand. "Come on. We shouldn't keep Aria waiting any longer."

The three of them made their way through Shepard's admirers, and ascended the staircase that led to Aria's sofa. Omega's ruler sat, surrounded by her henchmen, legs crossed, and arms spread out over the back of her chair.

"Well, well," she smirked, as they approached. "I was wondering how long it would take for you to announce yourself, Shepard. But I see you've been too busy sampling the wares."

Shepard grinned, wiping the glitter from her face. "You know me, Aria. I like to stick my face where it doesn't belong."

Aria's menacing laugh echoed in her private quarters. The location just managed to block out the music of the rest of the club. "What's the matter, Commander? Married life all dried up? You fancy coming back to the blue side?"

Shepard winked. "I could throw you another bone. Last I remember it didn't take much to make _you_ sing."

James made a face at Shepard, and folded his chiselled arms. "If we could get back to why we're here?"

"You have information that we need," Garrus continued. "Otherwise, why let us in here at all?"

Aria reluctantly tore her eyes from Shepard, and gazed at James and Garrus. "I know you," she asked the scarred Turian. "Archangel, right? And you." She turned to James. "You used to hang around Omega's lower regions, gambling before the war."

"That was another lifetime ago," James said, uncomfortably.

"We've come for information on Liara T'Soni," Garrus interjected. "She disappeared on Tuchanka over three months ago now."

Shepard was stunned to find it had been that long. Then she remembered the trip through the newly mended Mass Effect relays to get here. Three months was probably about right. The new relays weren't as efficient at the jump as their predecessors had been. The Normandy was the fastest ship in the galaxy, but even she couldn't escape the intergalactic time difference. Although it felt like she'd been without Samantha for just 24 hours, time moved differently in space. She imagined Samantha back on Earth, with three months having already passed, and her heart ached. _No wonder I'm burying myself in Asari strippers. _

"Take a seat," Aria instructed them all. Her men moved out of the way to let them pass. Aria shifted herself towards Shepard. "So, T'Soni, hm? I thought you and she were over long ago, Shepard. Isn't that why you camped on my sofa for long enough?"

"It's not like that," Shepard said. "I'm just trying to find out what happened to a member of my crew. You know how much I hate to lose people who are important to me."

"We have that in common," Aria replied. "And I know you're here because you think I had a hand in it. But tell me, what reason would I have to kidnap your old lover? I _am_ Omega, and I still have my fingers in many pies on the Citadel after my brief stint there during the war. Why would I need to abduct your little Shadow Broker? I already have everything I need."

"Apart from her endorsement," Shepard smirked. "Come on, Aria. We both know that unless Liara pledges herself to your cause, she's a threat to you."

"Is that so?" Aria grinned too. She stretched her nubile features and got to her feet, beginning to pace her place of business. "You think you know me so well." James and Garrus met Shepard's eyes, and she signalled them to wait. She knew Aria liked to posture, playing out the gangster persona she so loved. Finally, Aria spun around. "Alright," she said, hands on hips. "I guess I have to prove my loyalty, much like you had to do for me, Commander. I'll tell you everything I know about Liara's abduction, if you answer me one, simple question."

"And that is?"

"Why are you really here?" Aria's purple glare met Shepard's orange glow. "You've been absent from this life for a decade, playing house on what little is left of Earth, with your beautiful Human wife and four-legged fur ball. Why give all that up to chase an absent Shadow Broker half-way across the galaxy? Are you worried that your legacy will just fade into the background? Are you worried the galaxy you helped save will forget about you, and you'll die in obscurity?"

Shepard settled back into Aria's sofa, unfazed. "That's more than one question. Which do you want me to answer?"

Aria's evil grin returned, ever amused by Shepard's boldness. "Face it, Shepard. You're here because you missed the life. We're not so different, you and I. You long to have someone depend on you, and miss racing against time facing impossible odds. You missed fighting for those you love."

"I don't love Liara," Shepard replied. She could feel James and Garrus watching her. They too seemed as intrigued as Aria about her previous string of tangled relationships.

"Whatever," Aria disagreed. "I remember the way you used to look at her, all doughy-eyed, like she was the only Asari in the galaxy. It made me sick."

"Aw, jealous?"

"I've had better. That's not what this is about. I'm just curious as to what your wife thinks about all this. Does she approve of you leaving her on Earth to go after an old lover?"

Shepard's jaw twitched. Aria knew she was pressing her buttons, getting closer and closer to the truth. "I don't think she really has a say anymore," Shepard replied. "My... wife and I are separated."

"What?" James and Garrus exclaimed simultaneously. Aria looked like she'd struck gold. Somehow, Shepard had a suspicion that she already knew this, and felt no joy in proving her right.

Aria exhaled in slow victory, staring deep into Shepard's eyes. "Pity," she said emotionlessly. "If the Hero of the Galaxy can't hold onto a woman, what hope do the rest of us have?"

"I never took you for the marriage type," Shepard said, equally as cold.

"Right back at you."

Shepard pursed her lips. She got to her feet, having had her fill. "You know what, screw this. Let's go," she told the other two. "Seems there are some things even Aria T'Loak doesn't know. We're wasting our time."

James and Garrus filed out behind her, confused. Shepard bypassed Aria without as much as a goodbye.

"Shepard," Aria called. Shepard hovered at the top of the stairs. Reluctantly, she turned around, fighting to keep her anger in check. Aria walked towards her. She took the Commander's face in her hands, and placed an unexpectedly tender kiss on her lips.

"I'm being watched," Aria whispered, once up close and personal. "Talk to Grizz at the bar on before you leave."

Shepard allowed Aria to kiss her again, ignoring the arousing tingle that always came with Asari lips. Maybe it was the natural biotics they oozed. Or maybe it was just because they were one of the most attractive races in the Galaxy. Aria released her, and Shepard and her crew descended the stairs.

"The hell was that about?" Vega asked over the increasing crescendos of music pumping in their ears again.

"Let's get another drink." Shepard's voice was cold. Her annoyance at her broken marriage being dragged up still hadn't lifted. She led them over to the bar, and asked for Grizz. The bartender pointed to him around the circular counter, and the Turian she recognised waved them over.

"Aria said to expect you," he greeted Shepard. "A bottle of Noverian rum! Put it on Aria's tab." The bartender nodded. Grizz led them over to a room on the lower levels, opening it with his Omni-tool.

"Isn't this the place The Patriarch died?" Shepard asked, remembering the decor and the fearsome Krogan lord whom Aria had bested to win Omega the first time. She kept him around much like a pet after that, a reflection of her power over the station.

"That relic's long gone," Grizz said, taking a seat around the small round table. The others did the same, as the bartender entered with a tray of four glasses and a decanter of rum. Shepard accepted hers gratefully, knocking the first one back. It was warm, honeyed, with a hint of fire and a strong kickback. It tasted like a dream.

_Aria sure knows her drink. _"So, what's this about?" Shepard asked when the bartender had departed. She poured herself another glass to sip at. "Aria said she's being watched."

"She is," Grizz said, spiking his and Garrus' rum with Turian amino-acids to numb their deficiencies and allowing them to taste Aria's offering. "By the remains of a Cerberus splinter group."

"Cerberus?" Shepard exclaimed. "But The Illusive Man's long dead!"

"Since when does cutting the head off the snake matter in this day and age?" Grizz asked. "Kill Aria, and there would still be several of her supporters lined up in her name to kill any who opposed her. Same could be said of you, Commander. When you command such loyalty, you're idealism inspires people even after your death."

"Good point," Shepard relented. "So the Cerberus ties after I helped Aria reclaim Omega never disappeared?"

"A fair assumption," Grizz said. "They still lingered in the lower regions. And without The Illusive Man's limitless funding, abducting the two most powerful Asari in the galaxy might fetch a heavy ransom for slave traders, now mightn't it?"

"So why haven't you killed them?" James asked. "If you know it's Cerberus orchestrating this, why haven't you found them and shut them down?"

"Ask Archangel here how easy it is to disappear in Omega," Grizz said, nodding to Garrus.

Garrus smiled. "What he says is true. If you don't want to be found here, there are enough criminals to blend in with."

"To the point where even Aria T'Loak can't find you?" James asked, surprised. "I thought she knew everything that went on round here, no?"

"Aria lost many assets to the Reapers," Grizz reminded him. "She's still in full control, but she doesn't have the man power she once did."

"So, let me guess," Shepard said. "This is where me and my team come in?"

"Actually, Aria didn't even know you'd left Earth, Commander, until you arrived on Omega."

Shepard gave James an apologetic grin. "So she needed Lieutenant-Commander Vega's crew then."

"Aria saw the Normandy dock and had designs on him and his team," Grizz admitted. "She was pleasantly surprised to find you back in command however. No offence," he added, nodding to James.

"Hey, no contest here," James laughed, holding up his hands.

Shepard sighed. _He deserves more respect than that. He's been holding it all together while I've been on leave, flirting with a quiet life that I didn't fit into._

"Aria has a lead on Doctor T'Soni's possible whereabouts," Grizz continued. "The Normandy's the fastest ship in the galaxy, and the most prolific in a battle. And it might just come down to that."

"How so?" Shepard asked, draining another glass of Noverian Rum. Grizz brought up his Omni-tool, and began browsing. He finally brought up a large frigate, and projected the twirling 3d-image for them all to see. Shepard set down her glass, not taking her eyes off it. "No fucking way!"

"I take it you know this particular vessel," Grizz said, amused that his suspicions were proved correct by her reaction.

Shepard clenched her jaw. "Oh, yes I do," she replied menacingly. "Liara's there?"

"Not sure if she is now, but she definitely was aboard at one point or another," Grizz said, shutting down his Omni-tool, as though afraid that the image was going to make Shepard smash something. "It's worth investigating. At least, Aria seems to think so."

The Commander filled herself a third glass of rum, her hand now shaking so much that the decanter she was holding clinked off her glass. "Tell Aria not to worry," she said, knocking back her freshened drink, and slamming her glass back down onto the table. "I'll get to the bottom of this."

"Thank you, Commander. Aria will be pleased."

Shepard got to her feet, and shook Grizz's two-pronged hand. "Thanks for the intel, Grizz. Send me whatever else you have on Cerberus to the Normandy. I'm still on the same messaging frequency as during the war. Aria knows how to reach me."

"I'll let her know. Good luck, Commander. Watch Aria's back."

"And tell her to watch mine. That's always been our deal."

James and Garrus followed Shepard out of the private room, as she sped past the erotic dancers, bypassing numerous admirers attempting to pose for photos with her.

"What the hell was that about?" James asked, trying to keep up. "Shepard!"

"We have to go."

"Who the hell owned that ship?" James demanded, exchanging a glance with Garrus, who looked just as clueless. They reached the exit to Omega and descended the steps outside, bypassing the long queue that was still determined to enter. Finally, James lost his patience. "Hey, I'm talking to you!" He grabbed Commander Shepard's arm and spun her around. He immediately let go, as he saw a glimpse of red in Shepard's eyes.

"Sorry," Shepard said hurriedly. She knew she had been ready to attack him. Her nerves had continuously been on edge since the end of the war, and now that she'd hit the drink again they seemed intensified.

"What's going on?" Garrus asked, catching up with them. "Do we have a lead, or not?"

"We do," Shepard said. "A very fucking big one. Aria knows her intel all right."

"Then where are we going?" James asked. "Just say the word, Shepard. We're with you. Whatever it takes."

Shepard bit her lip. "It's complicated."

"The hell with complicated! Since when is anything we do not? Just tell us!" James insisted, still clutching her arm. "What made you so angry in there? Who the hell owned that damned ship?"

Commander Shepard met his eyes. "Amanda… My dear old mother."


	3. Chapter 3

Joker set a course to Amanda Shepard's last location on the edge of the Terminus Systems. Shepard jerked awake, sometime after they left Omega. She had fallen asleep in her quarters, clutching her now empty bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy that EDI had bought for her. More tears had dried on her cheeks, just like the last time. _Fuck, when did I become such a weepy drunk?_

"This is Shepard," she muttered, answering her ringing Omni-tool. She nuzzled back into her pillow.

"Shepard?"

Shepard bolted upright. "Liara?!"

"I don't... much time. I… out…. sia…"

"You're breaking up!" Shepard hurried, her adrenaline pumping. "Where are you? We're coming to get you!"

"It's…. trap, Shep… d. D…t!"

"Liara!" Shepard shouted. "Come in!" Static sounded over the Omni-tool. "EDI, can you trace the location?"

"One moment."

Shepard waited with baited breath, her heart thumping wildly. _How did she contact me? Where is she? _The connection went dead, and her cabin plunged into silence. "Damn it!" She slammed her fist into the bed. "Anything, EDI?"

"Nothing, Commander," EDI replied. "I am sorry."

"Shit!" Shepard deflated. "At least we know she's still alive. Let the others know that Liara got in touch. And keep analysing that signal, in case we find something we can use. I'm sending you the recording. We might be able to clear it up a bit and find out what Liara exactly was saying."

"May I make a suggestion, Commander?" EDI asked.

"Go for it."

"As you know, some of my core processing units were destroyed during the Crucible blast ten years ago," EDI said. "I believe Comm Specialist Shepard would yield better results in this task."

"Specialist? Oh," Shepard said, realising which Shepard she was referring to. "That's... a good suggestion, EDI, but I'd afraid Samantha won't be joining us on this mission."

"But she's your wife," EDI said, with childlike logic. "Wouldn't it be easy to simply ask for her help on this matter?"

Shepard sighed. "It's complicated, EDI." She placed the empty brandy bottle on the bedside table and sat on the edge of the bed. _How else do I explain this to an AI who has suffered a human behaviour data setback? _She could have made her understand this once, but EDI wasn't quite as advanced as she used to be. It had taken long enough for her to stop calling Samantha by her maiden name. She needed to relearn some things before entering into a conversation landmine such as this.

"I can un-complicate matters. Would you like me to contact Specialist Shepard for you, Commander?"

"No!" Shepard blurted out quickly, feeling like she would throw up. "I mean, thank you, EDI, but it wouldn't help. Just... promise me you aren't going to contact her."

"But why? I love the sight of humans on their knees."

Shepard realised she had indeed slid, quite literally, onto her knees off the bed. It was then she recognised the joked. Oh, ha ha!" She smiled up at EDI, getting to her feet. "Always with the jokes, huh? How come that little detail didn't get erased with the Crucible blast?"

"Venting oxygen supply to the Captain's Quarters in three, two..."

"Very funny, EDI," Shepard chuckled. "Get back to work."

"Yes, Commander. Have a pleasant day."

Still giggling, Shepard stretched and walked over to her private terminal. She took a seat, and began flicking through her unanswered correspondence. EDI had obviously taken over managing communications in her and Samantha's absence. Each unopened mail had been filed into categories she deemed necessary, ranging from 'Personal' to 'Alliance' to 'Fan-mail' and everything in between. Shepard opened an encoded file from Aria that she'd been expecting, detailing more information about Amanda's ship and her possible Cerberus ties. Suddenly her Omni-tool rang again.

"Liara?" Shepard gasped instinctively.

"Oh. No, it's me."

Shepard's breath caught. "Samantha?" She rested back in her chair, stunned at the unexpected call.

"Hi!" Samantha's voices was high-pitched with nerves. "How… how are you?"

Shepard's whole body ached with longing at that accent. It felt like an age since they'd talked. "Better, now that I can hear your voice again. It's been—"

"—three months," Samantha finished for her. "Give or take. Although for you I'm sure it's been less. This time difference thing is a bugger. I don't know how Humans ever dealt with it centuries ago. How's the rescue coming along?"

Shepard grinned at the speed Samantha was speaking, knowing it was due to nerves. "Just starting off really. Time difference and all that. We finally have a lead though. Liara just managed to get in touch. EDI's tracing her signal as we speak."

"That's great," Samantha said. "I… hope you find her soon."

An awkward silence fell over them.

"H-How are you?" Shepard asked, breaking the tension. She felt ill at how stilted conversation was between them now, and wished Samantha would keep up her incessant chatting.

"Alright, all things considered," Samantha said. "Where's Legion by the way? Dr. Chakwas rang to say she didn't see her when she went to water the plants."

"I… brought her with me."

Samantha giggled. "Really? But Joker hates her! I bet you got an earful."

"Nah, he hasn't said much," Shepard chuckled. "I've kept Legion down on the crew deck for now. The other marines love her. She's good for morale."

"Well, you'd know first-hand about that."

Shepard recalled just how the dog had helped her through her bad days of PTSD. She was the best gift Samantha had ever gotten her, in all the years they'd been together.

""Why is Chakwas watering our plants? Where have you been staying?" Shepard asked then.

"At the university."

"University?"

"Sorry, I probably should have said," Samantha continued. "I've… been asked to give a number of talks at the university I attended in Madrid, during my year abroad in 2173C. Before the Alliance, you remember?"

"I remember."

"Well, I've been here for the past few months now, writing my paper and attending the odd class here and there. Each of my three speeches will be streamed live and intergalactic. The first of which is in two days in fact. It's all rather exciting!"

"That's great!" Shepard said, grinning. "What's the lecture on, Professor?"

"Well... You," Samantha admitted. The embarrassment in her voice was evident.

"God help the students."

They both laughed.

"That's what I said." Samantha allowed herself a giggle. "In any event, I… I just…" Her voice trailed off, and the shadow hanging over their relationship smothered them once more.

Shepard's smile faded. Her heartache took a fresh hold, and it suddenly became hard to speak. "I miss you," she forced herself to say. The words came out something of a whisper.

"Shepard, don't," Samantha pled, equally as hoarse. "I can't go through this again."

"I know, I just… can't get you out of my head," Shepard persisted. "I should have never let you walk out that day."

"But you did." Samantha's words were blunt. "Hayley, I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. I don't have the strength."

"But, just-"

"There was another reason I called," Samantha interrupted, brushing over the Commander's last words. "I wanted to ask you directly, rather than believing what the tabloids said. My Spanish is still rather rusty, and the translation was all up the left with these new bloody Omnis."

"What do you mean? What have they been saying about me now?"

Samantha seemed to be struggling with her reply. "Well, word of your _adventures_ has already reached Earth. There are pictures going around of," Samantha took a deep breath, "you kissing Aria T'Loak on Omega. They're captioned: Commander Shepard and her Lust for the Galaxy Underlings."

Shepard cringed. "Fuck. Well, it wasn't like that. I mean, Aria kissed _me_, not the other way around."

"I see," Samantha replied, colder now. "So you _were_ on Omega. And the image of you motor-boating an Asari stripper?"

Shepard grimaced. "Honestly, that one was a little more premeditated. I only meant to wind Vega up though."

"I see," Samantha said again. Another awkward silence followed her words.

"Samantha, none of that meant anything," Shepard said hurriedly. "It's just the tabloids trying to make me out to be something I'm not."

"Hayls, you just admitted to it!"

"I know but… Ugh, look it isn't as straightforward as that. They've always had it in for me, you know that." Shepard wrestled her frustration under control then, softening her tone. "I really miss you. I didn't want any of this to happen."

"So this is how you show me how much you really care about me?" Samantha asked, with a hint of disappointment. "Everyone thinks I'm still your wife, Shepard."

"You_ are_ still my wife."

"You can't imagine how many questions I'm being asked over these photographs. I thought some separation would..." Samantha sighed. "But no, you've just reaffirmed any insecurities I had. And you've fallen off the wagon too. I know that wasn't water in your glass. Apple Martinis were our thing, remember?"

"Oh, come on, that's not fair!" Shepard argued, firing up. "We're separated. What am I supposed to do, wait around until you call just so I can hear your voice again? _You_ walked out on _me_, Sam. Not the other way around."

"Oh darling, you left this relationship long before I did."

Shepard froze, stunned by her venom. A few seconds of heavy breathing followed, on both side of the call. "Wow," Shepard exhaled. "Well, there it is. I knew the war had fucked me up. I guess I just didn't know how much."

"Maybe this call was a bad idea."

"Yeah, maybe it was!"

"Goodbye, then. Take care."

"No, wait!" Shepard begged. She wrestled her anger under control again. "Just wait. Don't go. I'm sorry."

"No, _I'm_ sorry," Samantha corrected. "It was selfish of me to ring. I suppose part of me just needed to reaffirm whether or not I really wanted this divorce."

"And do you?" Shepard felt like she'd been punched in the gut even asking the question. "Oh… I guess I just gave you all the ammunition you needed, agreeing to fleeting dalliances with meaningless Asari."

"It's not like I wasn't already thinking it."

"I don't even know what put it in your head in the first place!" Shepard snapped. "You were never the jealous type. My friend is missing and I went to save her. The fact that she's my ex-girlfriend shouldn't matter when her life is in danger. Besides, I was ready to go back to work."

"Without even talking to me about it?" Samantha snapped. "It was just so out of the blue... Excuse the pun. I can't help but think, had it been anyone but Liara gone missing, would you have still been so eager?"

"We've had this conversation," Shepard reminded her. "And I still stand by what I said. You're using accusations that you don't really believe to distract from the real reason you left."

"Maybe you're right," Samantha said. "Maybe it's all just a smokescreen."

Shepard sighed. "Then I guess that means the truth is I just pushed you away, isn't it? Not like that makes me feel any better. I already know it was my fault. But just because I can't show you that I love you, doesn't mean I don't."

"You clammed up, darling," Samantha said. "I couldn't sit around and watch you fade away. It hurt too much. I couldn't find any essence of humanity in your eyes anymore."

Shepard was stung. "You were never this cold, Sam. Did being married to me make you this way?"

"You tell me." Samantha sounded like she was crying now. "I gave you everything, darling. I just forgot to keep a little for myself."

Shepard's eyes filled with stinging tears. "Don't say that," she pled. "I ruin everything I touch. Please don't say that I ruined you too. I love you, Samantha."

"Well, sometimes love just isn't enough," Samantha sniffed. "Goodbye, Hayley. Be safe."

The orange glow of the Omni-tool disappeared. Tears streamed down Shepard's face that she could no longer hold back. She fell into silent sobs, clutching her head, clenching her eyes shut as agony curled inside her. _This wasn't supposed to happen after the war. The pain was supposed to stop, wasn't it?_ A sudden blink of her Omni-tool made her flinch. She opened the file she had just received. Shepard stared at it for several seconds. Finally, she lost her cool. She jumped out of her chair and swept everything off her desk in a fit of anguish.

#

Shepard pulled up for the fiftieth time, raising her chin above the bar and lowering again. She let go, massaging out her shoulders. _Yep, I've still got it! _The small shrapnel piece in her neck was still lodged, not even loosening a millimetre despite her creaking neck. Being in her early forties hadn't slowed her down too much. If it hadn't been for the scars giving away how 'experienced' she was, an onlooker might have even taken her for much younger. Her body hadn't aged a day since Cerberus rebuilt her.

_Avoid wrinkles, folks! Die in your late 20s!_

"Ey, you avoiding us now?" Vega approached her chosen training zone. It was the same one he himself had used it during the war, and evidently still his go to spot.

Shepard panted after the workout. "Just don't fancy talking."

"Come on!" Vega said. "Isn't lack of communication what got you into this whole mess?"

Shepard glared at him. "I thought you weren't taking sides?"

He tossed her a towel. "I know but, what the hell, Shepard? You and Sammy have separated? You kept that one quiet. I knew you were having some troubles but, damn! What happened?"

"_I_ happened," Shepard said glumly. "Like I always happen. I shut down. I push people away. Blah, blah, blah."

"Yep, shutting up shop," Vega sighed. "I know all about what that does to a relationship."

"Oh, yeah?" Shepard smirked, drying herself off. "Whatever happened to that little blonde piece you dated?"

Vega laughed. "You mean the one date I had with her nine years ago that you and Sam gate-crashed?"

Shepard chuckled. "That's the one! You blushed like bitch when we showed up."

"You were like the annoying, overprotective parents I never knew I had," James laughed. "The hell was I supposed to do? I'm only surprised she stayed for dessert."

"Just wanted to make sure my XO wasn't selling himself short," Shepard teased. "How was she?"

The smile slid from Vega's face. "Empty," he sighed.

Shepard stopped smiling too. Vega wore the same expression that she herself had worn, before meeting Samantha. "I know that look," she said, resting her ass on the weapon bench beside him. "Who was she?"

"Some girl from-"

"No," Shepard interrupted. "I mean, who was the girl that broke you heart?"

James met her eyes, wearing a sad smile. "Let's just say you weren't the only one who had dalliances with Asari."

Shepard exhaled, raising her eyebrows. "You never told me this before. What happened to her?"

"Remember that last mission I told you about?" James asked. "The one that got me N7 commendation?"

Shepard nodded. "The one where you chose intel on the Collectors over a whole colony of people?"

"That's the one," Vega said. "Well, Treeya, had that intel. She was on a crash course with the atmosphere and, well, you know the rest."

"So you chose her?"

"I chose the intel," Vega insisted. "And that's the truth of it."

"I believe you," Shepard said. "But you also chose her."

Vega's head dropped. "Well yeah, suppose I did in a way. Not intentionally. I would have saved those colonists if I could. But she had the intel the mission counted on to succeed."

"I know," Shepard sympathised. "I've been there before. It's never an easy decision to make. So, what happened with Treeya?"

"Nothing. All those colonists died for that intel. Every time I looked at her after that, she just reminded me too much of what I'd lost to save it. To save her."

"You two never...?"

"Nah," James sighed, cracking his knuckles in a bid to release his frustration. "We tried for a while but, I spiralled out. Ended up knee deep in debt in Omega, playing cards, gambling with creds I didn't have."

"So that's what Aria was talking about?"

James nodded. "I just couldn't let what happened on Fehl Prime go, you know?"

"Yeah," Shepard whispered. "Kind of sticks with you, doesn't it? Time doesn't heal all wounds. At least, not as well as people would have you believe."

"Maybe you should tell Samantha that," James said, meeting Shepard's eyes. "Maybe if you explained that to _her_, she'd understand what you've been going through all these years. She's not a soldier like us, Shepard. It's easy for her to be rational. It easier for her to sleep at night. But marines like you and me? We give our lives to the cause. Our minds are never our own. I worked out my issues, it's true; but you saw way more gnarly shit than I, or anyone else, ever did. You saved the fucking Galaxy. Of course Samantha doesn't understand. No one does, because something that badass is superhero shit. Normal people can't process an ordeal of that magnitude. You need to tell her what you're really going through. It's the only way to get her back."

"Who says I want her back?"

"Spare me. I know _mierda_ when I smell it," James scoffed. "You two are the most doughy-eyed couple I've ever seen. Even years into your marriage it was still there. The spark between you never died, you know? Just..."

"…the rest of us." Shepard's stared down at the towel she was still clutching, and tossed it aside. She brought up her Omni-tool and quickly sent something to James'.

"What's this?" he asked, receiving it.

Shepard grabbed the pull up bar and continued her reps. "Open it," she puffed, mid-workout.

Vega opened the file and read. He let out a low whistle. "Divorce papers? Aw, shit, Samantha."

"Sent them over this morning," Shepard said, concentrating on her pull-ups to avoid looking at him. "So you still think... that me opening up... would do any good?"

Vega shook his head, in disbelief at the document. He closed the file, unable to look anymore. "Man, I dunno. Just seems to me like sometimes the world we fought to save just wasn't worth it, you know?"

Shepard breathed a laugh. "Tell me about it." She dropped from the bar again. Working out wasn't doing the job of blocking out her pain anymore. She leaned on the weapons bench beside Vega, breathless. "She called before she sent them. We argued but…Man, it was good to hear her voice again."

"I'm sure," James smiled.

"It wasn't always like this," Shepard said, unable to meet James's eyes. "How were we happier during the war, than after it? I mean, what's that about?"

Vega shrugged. "There was always something to keep you busy back then. Maybe the problem was that you stopped."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you quit the Alliance," James said. "Or, took a leave of absence, whatever the official term is. I know you've had it rough, Commander. That's a fucking understatement. But the Alliance was a part of who you were. You didn't even keep your fingers in the pie, you just quit cold-turkey and all but retired. That's why I kept sending you mission reports. I don't think settling down was the right choice for you. You turned into someone else."

Shepard stared. "I couldn't face the thought of another war."

"And yet here you are," Vega said. "Chasing another lost cause, half-way around the Galaxy. How is this any different?"

"Liara isn't a lost cause."

"But we both know I could have found her myself. I'm a good Commander, Shepard. I inherited your crew, and added a few of my own for those we lost. I'm N7 too, you know. We can find Liara by ourselves. Why are you really here?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" She could feel herself getting angry again, and she didn't want to take it out on him. She turned away, massaging her veiny hands. "I'm here for my own reasons."

"You know what I think?" James asked, straightening up to his full height as well. "I think you were bored, man. I think you felt yourself slipping away in that house, losing yourself to a life that you never even thought you'd have."

Shepard spun, scorching him with a glare. "Watch it, Lieutenant!"

"Am I wrong?" James goaded, flexing his muscles. "You're a soldier, Shepard. You were built for war. You were meant to die on the battlefield with the rest of us, but you were too fucking good, even for the Reapers. And when they couldn't kill you, you just gave up."

Shepard's nostrils flared.

"So you ran back when the opportunity presented itself," James pressed. "You ran away, because it took you all that time to realise that a quiet life wasn't what you wanted. And Samantha knew it! You chose the Normandy over her. You chose fighting a losing battle, over fighting to keep her. You chose Liara over—!" Shepard's fist connected with his face before he could finish. "YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" James yelled, beckoning her out into the open shuttle bay. Blood dripped from the corner of his mouth, and he spat it on the ground. "Come on! I can take it!"

Shepard stalked him out onto the open floor. She unleashed a furious combo after combo at him, feeling the muscle memory taking over. This was obviously what James had been aiming for, coming down here to speak to her, to goad her into release.

"You're a real son of a bitch, you know that?" Shepard growled, boxing like a pro.

"Man, you were acting so cool." James blocked her swing. "You're getting a fucking divorce! Why are you so calm about it? This is killing you, no?"

Shepard swung a sweet combination and managed to crack him in the jaw. "Fuck you!"

Vega's head jutted back. He laughed, and spat more blood at her feet. "Whatever you say. But I know this is realest you've spoken to anyone in years. It just takes a good fight to get it out of you."

"Good fight?" Shepard sneered. "You haven't hit me once. I'm starting to wonder why I ever had you on my cre—" James unleashed his fearsome arms and Shepard's words were halted by a meaty fist that cracked her square in the mouth. "Nice!" she said, smiling, tasting blood too. "That's more like it."

"So tell me," James said, continuing their duel. "Have you spoken to her since she sent over the papers?"

"No," Shepard admitted. "And I don't think she wants to hear from me after my antics on Omega. I really put my foot in it there."

"Aw come on," James said. "Everyone knows you're an idiot sometimes. Just give her a call, before it really is too late."

"She's on assignment in Spain," Shepard said. "Giving some big speeches about me to the entire galaxy."

"Still a nerd," James chuckled. "But why don't you go?"

Shepard made a face. "Go? Do you really think she'd want me there? Her soon to be ex-wife? She couldn't wait to get rid of me, James. She only rang to make sure I wasn't going to embarrass her anymore. She's probably going to spend the whole speech telling them what a fuck up I am."

"She didn't want this, Shepard. She loves you."

"Samantha's the one who sent the divorce papers, not me!" Shepard argued. "I really didn't think she'd go through with it. It was a fucking slap in the face."

"Call her back," James insisted. "She has more than one speech planned, no? Tell her you'll be there after the mission. We'll find Liara, and then fly you back to Earth in time for the last one. It'll all work out. I'm telling you."

"I can't. It's over." Shepard sighed, as the realisation set in. "Just fight me, Lieutenant- Commander. When I want another therapy session, I'll fucking pay for one."


	4. Chapter 4

Samantha took a deep breath. She stared at herself in the mirror, examining the makeup which her personal stylist had just applied. She couldn't remember ever looking this good, with shadowed eyes and full, red lipstick. _I don't feel like myself though. _The lab never left her much excuse to dress up after she and Elena had broken up, and then the war had followed soon after. _Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm just not used to looking at myself in that way anymore._

"You ready?"

Samantha turned to Diana Allers, who had walked into the makeshift dressing room. "Is it too late to back out?"

Diana laughed. "You'll be fine. Just stick to the script, ok? Don't go off-book and you'll avoid any potential landmines. With Commander Shepard there's a lot of them."

"It just feels wrong," Samantha sighed. Her legs felt like jelly. Her heart ached again as she thought of Shepard. _I was so cruel to her when we last spoke. I'm sure she hates me now. _Replaying the horrible words she had attacked with on their last call, guilt crawled in her skin. She felt smothered by it, like it had infected every intimate moment she'd spent with Shepard over the years.

Diana calibrated her floating camera, barely noticing her. "Look, Traynor... Sorry, I mean Shepard. Still haven't gotten used to that name change."

"You and me both," Samantha snorted. "It's still like a huge weight on my shoulders, even after all these years."

"Guess you won't have to worry about that for much longer though. I've kept your secret for now," Diana continued, wiping the camera's lens now. "Despite the fact that it would put my ratings through the roof. But you're going to have to come clean with the galaxy about the divorce soon, and yours truly can't wait to get that bit of juicy gossip flowing. No offence."

"It hasn't been finalised yet." Samantha was annoyed. She knew as soon as she released the information, the tabloids would go into overdrive. "I can't do that to her, Diana. She didn't ask for any of this. It was my decision, and the press are going to have a field day when they get a hold of it."

"You sound like you're having second thoughts."

"I'm _always_ having second thoughts." Samantha sighed, biting her lip as Shepard's face burned in her mind's eye. "Oh, I don't know if I'm doing the right thing here. It just feels wrong giving a speech about her amidst all this. It feels false."

"This is just the preliminary," Diana said. "You're just giving the crowd out there a bit of a teaser for what's up and coming."

"If only I knew what _was_." Samantha touched her chest where her dog-tags used to lie. She felt naked without them. "God, I miss her."

"I know. Can't say that I understand however." Diana shrugged. "Never been much for relationships myself. But Shepard was a hell of a woman."

"Somewhere along the line she seemed to forget that."

"Did she?" Diana stopped calibrating and finally gave Samantha her full attention. "She seems like the same damn Shepard to me, running half way across the galaxy to save someone she…"

"Someone she loves?" Samantha finished, breathing a derisive laugh.

Diana made a face. "Figure of speech. Way I see it? She didn't leave you for another woman, Mrs Shepard. She just went to save a friend. Maybe if you started looking at it the way she does, you wouldn't be so angry with her. Whatever Shepard is, she's always been loyal. She's never wavered in her love to you. Which makes me wonder if this whole divorce is to somehow punish her in some way."

Samantha's face fell. She stared back into the mirror, seeing pain in the depths of her eyes. _Good lord, what am I doing? Is Diana right? _She couldn't believe she was actually listening to Diana bloody Allers, but it did seem to coincide with what Shepard had said the last time they spoke. Samantha was hiding behind Liara because it was an easy thing to accuse. The real issues of their marriage were a lot tougher to address.

"I don't know what I'm doing, Diana," she whispered, taking off her thick-rimmed spectacles. She touched her cheek, catching a tear streaming down it. "God, I'm going to ruin my make up if I continue with this. I can't. It's too bloody difficult."

Diana squeezed her shoulder. "Forget about it for now. Everyone's waiting for you, and the prelim talks are already underway. I'll give you a few minutes to pull yourself together."

Samantha shook her head, as Diana shut the door behind her. C_an't believe she walked in on me two days ago holding the divorce papers. She's the last person I wanted finding out. _Composing herself, she replaced her reading glasses, and took a final glance in the mirror. _Thank God for waterproof eyeliner. _She took a deep breath, and picked up her speech. _Come on! You can do this, girl. You can do this. _She straightened the collar of her white blouse, and her heels clicked across the hardwood floor as she exited the dressing room.

The noise of the crowd was louder out here, making her so nervous she fought the urge to vomit. Samantha bit her lip, as the camera crews worked tirelessly around her beside the stage. Her Omni-tool translator picked up the rapid Spanish, as she stared from the side of the stage, listening to the host who was currently introducing her keynote speech.

"…wife of the legend, Commander Hayley Shepard, First-Lieutenant Samantha Shepard is a hero in her own right. As part of the Normandy crew, she was responsible for Quantum Entanglement communications, along with retrofits that enabled the ship to outlast even the Reapers in battle. Our esteemed guest has flown to the edges of the galaxy, and was an honorary graduate of _Universidad de Madrid _in her earlier years, serving time with the Spanish Alliance. Ladies and gentlemen, I am so proud and honoured to have her back amongst our alumni. I give you, one of the ultimate heroes of the Reaper War; First Lieutenant Comm-Specialist, Samantha Shepard née Traynor."

A wave of applause rippled through the hall, and Samantha took her cue. She was immediately blinded by flashing lights and cameras. She crossed the stage for what felt like an age. Her medium-heeled shoes suddenly felt ten feet high. _Don't fall. Don't fall. You can do this. _She was relieved to reach her introducer. Still fighting the urge to vomit, she forced a smile onto her face. She shook hands with the host, bestowing a kiss on either of his swarthy cheeks, and turned to the podium, bring up her speech on the digital interface. The crowd fell silent. Her throat was dry. Samantha could feel blood pumping in her ears. She cleared her throat, staring out at the hundreds of students and press, all hanging on her every word.

"Good evening," she began. _My voice sounds funny. Focus, girl! _"Th-thank you so much for having me. It's a joy to be back at such a fine university. I have many fond memories of…" A so-called 'fond' memory flashed in her mind, recalling the first time she met Elena, the first woman to break her heart. "…of the time I spent here. However, I must admit, my education in no way prepared me for my first tour aboard an Alliance frigate, and the despair that the Reapers inflicted upon our galaxy."

She pushed her spectacles back up the bridge of her nose, which had slipped a centimetre with sweat. "I'm here today, not to talk about the war itself, but to talk about the woman who saved us all. A true hero. A woman whom I never realised could ever exist. A woman I fell in love with." Samantha's heartbeat stuttered. She managed a smile as a few in the crowd wolf-whistled and applauded. "Commander Hayley Shepard welcomed me aboard her ship the moment we left earth, regardless of the fact that I was never supposed to be there in the first place. The Reapers hit Earth so fast you see, that I had no time to disembark. I had to adjust very quickly to life as a servicewoman for the Alliance Military, but the Normandy crew were the most mismatched bunch of species that I had ever met. As such, I immediately felt at home within their ranks."

#

Later that evening, Samantha stood in a floor length silver dress, upon the huge balcony of a five star hotel the university had organised her after-party in. The top floor was filled with top Alliance officials from all over the world, VIP's, and several members of the press who were deemed important enough to be given a pass. Spanish waiters dashed around the penthouse great hall, dishing out flutes of expensive champagne to the elegantly dressed guests. A small stringed quartet in the corner began yet another smooth, dazzling rendition of the old classics.

Leaning over the edge of the balcony, Samantha sipped her champagne, staring down into the city lights of Spain's capital. Strangely, they reminded her of when the Normandy travelled through a Mass Effect relay. She remembered the first few times she had ever experienced it aboard the frigate, and smiled, her mind casting back to such a chaotic time...

#

"Christ, I think I'm going to be sick!" Traynor huddled in a ball on the floor of the CIC, hugging her stomach. Her legs had crumpled beneath her, and she couldn't even remember if they were attached. It felt as if her body had been drawn and quartered on a medieval slab. She heaved all over Commander Shepard's boots.

"Nice," Shepard laughed, unperturbed by the pool of bile now staining her footwear. She rubbed Samantha's back in comfort. "First time?"

Samantha wasn't able to do much more than groan in response. She heard the smile in Shepard's tone, and felt her face flush with embarrassment. _Great, I've just vomited all over a Goddamn galactic hero. _The Commander slipped her hands under Samantha's armpits then, and helped her to her feet.

"Come on. You need a pick me up," she chuckled. "You just haven't found your sea-legs yet."

"On the contrary," Samantha slurred, as Shepard led her from the CIC and into the elevator past the giggling crew unbuckling their belts. "I'm actually fine when I'm at sea. I could have been a bloody pirate, I was that comfortable. However, nothing I ever experienced could have prepared me for speeding through space and time in a flash of multicoloured jettisons and Element Zero."

The elevator binged at Deck 3, and Shepard led a staggering Samantha out into the corridor and towards the Crew Lounge. "Don't worry about it," she told her, placing her down on the comfortable chair under the magnificent backdrop of stars through the observation window. "Happened to us all, once upon a time. I know just the drink that will fix you."

"Really?" Samantha asked. She flopped sideward on the cushion. Her eyes were unfocused and completely glazed over. She was so overcome that she could no longer tell which way was up. A calloused hand cupped her face then, and directed her upright again. A cool glucose-infused drink was trickled into her mouth like a mother would a child, and after a minute or so, she started to come around. The first thing she saw when her eyes came into focus, was the scarred, pale features of her Commander, who looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh.

"There you go," Shepard grinned, throwing her a wink. "Good as new."

"What is this?" Samantha asked, impressed, taking the frosted glass from her to continue sipping at. It was a bright orange liquid that she had never seen before. She swirled the ice cubes around the glass, and took a sniff. Her nose couldn't quite pinpoint an exact flavour, but there was definitely something alcoholic about the way it burnt her nostrils.

"A cocktail I invented years ago," Shepard replied. She walked away and grabbed a cloth from behind the bar to clean the sick off her boots. "I always give it to rookies who aren't used to Mass Effect relays."

"Believe it or not, I'm no stranger to them," Samantha giggled. "I've been through so many relays in my time, but never like this."

"It's different on a frigate this small," Shepard said kindly. "The Normandy's so sharp that she jerks your guts about when you hit the next system and begin to reduce speed."

"Interesting. That'll be it then. Truth be told, I've been feeling a bit peaky ever since we left Earth in such a hurry."

Commander Shepard fixed herself a glass of whiskey, then took a seat on one of the barstools. "Yeah, that was a shock to the system for us all. Sorry I haven't got speaking to you much since we first introduced ourselves."

"Oh, d-don't worry about it, Ma'am. Everything's been so chaotic, I'm surprised you had any time at all."

Shepard smiled. "I always make time for my crew."

Samantha mirrored her grin. "Even those of us who just tagged along at the last minute?"

Shepard chuckled. "Especially when that's the case." She took a sip of her drink. "I know you're not a soldier, Traynor. This must all be so new to you, but you're not alone here."

"Well, I'm not exactly 'green', but I can safely say the Reapers left me a bit unprepared with their invasion of Earth. Like many I'm sure."

Shepard nodded in agreement. "The rigours of war are upon us now, for sure. Just remember to come up for air sometimes. I've noticed you spend every minute buried in your duties."

At this, Samantha sighed. "I have. Science calms me though. This has all been a little overwhelming. One minute I was working in a lab, and now I find myself a member of the most infamous crew the Alliance has ever seen. Under the command of a living legend, no less."

Shepard laughed. "The real woman's no match for the legend, I'm afraid. I'm a bit rougher around the edges than the press will have you believe."

Traynor couldn't help but take a glance at the Commander's body then. Even in her military regs, she could see the sheer strength the woman oozed. There wasn't an inch of her that wasn't chiselled to perfection. _Dear God, am I attracted to her?_ It was like something had awoken inside of her, a fire that burned deep within her lower regions. _ I've... never really looked at her before. Like really looked. _Samantha shook herself, and met the Commander's eyes then. _So much emerald in them. Focus, Samantha!_

"Are you alright?" Shepard asked then, as Samantha's inner monologue continued.

"F-fine," she replied in a higher pitch. "I'm just... Are you ok, Ma'am? After everything that happened on Earth, and Mars, and...The Council really won't help us?"

Shepard sighed, swirling her whiskey before she knocked it back in one. She placed her empty glass on the counter behind her. "I expected nothing less from them. They've been a pain in my ass from day one. Goddamn bureaucrats. Wouldn't know a war if I tied them up and spanked them with it."

Samantha was surprised to hear someone speak so openly against the galaxy leaders. Shepard's voice was full of so much spite. Her wear and tear was beginning to show already, and there was a lot more of this war left to fight. At this, Samantha chose a happier topic to continue with. "At least Lieutenant Vega is staying. I feel a lot safer with him on our side."

Shepard smiled. "Me too. He's a hell of a soldier. Don't tell him that though. It'll go to his head."

Samantha laughed. "Perhaps you're right. His ego is already through the roof as it is. I'm surprised at how he challenged you when we departed Earth. I've never heard someone speak back to their Commander that way."

"He's a good man," Shepard said. "His ego matches my own, so I'm sure we'll get on fine. He was right to be angry. And although I'm Commander, my crew's opinions matter to me. This isn't a dictatorship, Traynor. I don't know what I'm doing half the time in this war. I need people around me that I can trust. The Reapers will seek to divide and conquer. If it takes an argument or a fight to show me what a man's made of, then I'm all for it. As long as everyone remembers who's in command in the end."

Samantha couldn't hide her surprised. "Most leaders don't like to be challenged like that."

"And that's why most of them are shit at their jobs. Once you start believing that you're the smartest person in the room, you're leading us all towards disaster. The Alliance brass found that out the hard way. Most of them didn't head my warnings over the last few years, and you saw how quickly those Reapers ravaged Earth."

The poise and assurance with which the Commander spoke made Samantha feel empowered. She realised then, why so many people sang her praises; why so many people feared her. Commander Shepard really was unique.

"Thank you, Commander," Samantha blurted out.

Shepard chuckled. "For what?"

Samantha shrugged. "For everything that you are doing out there. I thought I'd say it now, in case I never get another chance. I'm honoured to play even a small part in helping you. And I'll try and find my sea legs for future relays. I can't keep throwing up all over your shoes."

Shepard laughed, and a faint blush actually crept across her ghostly, scarred cheeks. "You're cute, Specialist. So I'll let you away with it this time."

Samantha felt her cheeks burn. _She thinks I'm cute? _Embarrassed, she drank the remains of her cocktail just for something to do. Shepard got to her feet and took the glass from her, placing it beside her own on the bar.

"Well, this has been interesting. I'm glad you seem to be feeling better, but I'm afraid I have an important meeting with Liara in her quarters, and I really need to speak with Cortez first. Take another few minutes to compose yourself here if you need it. And could you send Liara a message and tell her that I'll be late?"

Samantha sprang to her feet. "Oh. Of course, Ma'am. Thank you again. I'll notify Dr T'Soni right away."

"That would be great. Thanks." Shepard paused then, staring at her for a few seconds before departing.

Samantha felt herself burning up again. "Was there... something else, Commander?"

At this, Shepard simply smirked. "I'll see you later, Specialist Traynor. Keep up the good work."

Samantha saluted her. She watched her exit, and gazed after her as the Commander walked towards the elevator. Her eyes fell to Shepard's ass, until the door slid shut, blocking her view and jarring her back to her sense. _Good Lord, what am I doing? She's my commanding officer! _Giving herself a little shake, Samantha exhaled. She sat herself back on the sofa, thinking back over the first proper conversation they had ever had, all the while ignoring the growing feeling of attraction for Commander Shepard.

#

Back in the present day, Samantha gave herself a little shake, much like she had that day aboard the Normandy. She pulled herself out of her daydream, and took another sip of champagne. Ever since things had gone sour with her soon-to-be ex-wife, she hadn't been able to stop remembering the beginnings of their relationship. _That's what the end does, I suppose. Has your mind revert back to the beginning, remembering fonder times. _Feeling her heart ache, her mind then flooded with more recent memories that were not so pleasant. _Shepard thrashing in her sleep, screaming out for lost comrades. Shepard spending days on end, unresponsive and distant. Shepard smashing a glass against the wall when the stress became too much for her. Shepard..._

Samantha brushed away the second tear that had streamed down her face that day. _Is it weird that I feel closer to her the further away she is? _Hearing her voice on the other end of that call two days previous had warmed her insides, despite the bitter words exchanged. The relief Samantha had felt at finally choosing to end their relationship was wearing off now, to be replaced with memories of happier times that she wished they could get back. Every day for of the past three months apart, she had retraced each step that led up to their marriage, and the couple of contented years of peace they shared afterward. When the war ended, it seemed they, like the rest of the galaxy, were waiting around for things to finally return to normal. But it never did. Victims of their own experiences, each soldier that took leave from the military to lead a normal life realised that their idea of what it meant to be 'normal' had changed forever.

"Thought I'd find you out here." Diana took up the space next to Samantha, and leaned on the rail beside her, staring down into Madrid's necropolis. Her knee-length black and white dress didn't quite match Samantha's elegance. "You alright?"

"Not really," Samantha replied, thumbing the condensation on her glass.

"You should be celebrating! Your speech was a big hit with the fans. People all over the galaxy are already talking about it. You've built a lot of hype for the second one in a few weeks."

"I lied to them," Samantha said. "I told them what they wanted to hear. But the truth is, the Shepard that I knew wasn't the Shepard that the public knew."

"Then why don't you talk about her?"

"Because it's too _damn _hard," Samantha replied, gritting her teeth to keep her emotions in check. "And because it would feel like a betrayal."

"But you're not going to be her wife any longer. You don't owe her secrecy anymore."

Samantha was appalled. She turned to Allers then, as though seeing her clearly. "Do you really believe that? Do you really think that when you break up with someone you've spent over a decade with, that you can just spill their entirety to the universe?"

"Hey, you say it like it's unheard of," Allers shrugged. "How you think celebrities make their money? The tabloids love a good scandal."

"I thought you had more integrity than the average journalist, Diana. That was the only reason I took you up on the offer of running with this. If you're telling me now that you're just waiting for a huge scoop on Commander Shepard from me, then you're officially fired."

"Wow! Hold up there Mrs Shepard!" Diana held up her hands in surrender. "You really channelled the Commander there with that look. I'm sorry if I offended you. I was just telling you what the public feed off of, not what I actually want to cover. I don't want Shepard's name dragged through the mud! In case you don't remember, I toured aboard the Normandy too. It was my job to make sure that didn't happen, and I did a pretty good job of it, if I do say so myself. Her reputation was in tatters when she agreed to take me aboard the Normandy. She'd punched too many reporters in her day to have made any friends. But she found an unlikely one in me, and I did my best to portray the hero like she was; not like what people wanted her to be. She's a friend of mine too, alright? I know I may overstep the line sometimes, but I also know when to draw it."

At this, Samantha faltered. "I'm sorry. Your right, I... Can we just forget about this?"

"Couldn't have said it better myself." Diana smiled. "Come on, nerd. Let's get you another drink and I'll introduce you to some people I know that love to talk crazy science."

Samantha chuckled despite herself. "Now that sounds more like a party that I'd be interested in."

"Then say no more! Let's mingle with the big wigs, and you can impress them all with your intellect. I love watching you make men twice your age and education blush with embarrassment."

Samantha giggled. _I rather enjoy that myself. _She relinquished her grip on the balcony rail, and allowed Diana to lead her back into the party, pushing distant memories of Shepard back into the past.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks to all who have read and reviewed so far. Very much appreciated, and hope you all enjoy the next chapter :)**

* * *

The next day, Samantha nursed her hangover as she made her way to the lab, munching on the last of the _churros_ she'd purchased from a street vendor _en route_ to the university. The sun was relentless, even through the war-scarred sky, casting golden sheets of multi-coloured heat across the quad of _Universidad de Madrid_. Samantha had her white lab coat wrapped over her arm, too sweltered to wear it to work. The black tank top she wore underneath clung to her torso revealingly, and a trickle of sweat dripped down her chest, between her copper cleavage.

_God, I'm going to pass out._

She took off her glasses, rubbing the a clammy sweat from her forehead before placing them back on the bridge of her nose. Her heeled boots clicked along the scorching pavement as she reached the _Facultad de Física Cuántica. _Feeling a shiver of nostalgia as she retraced the steps of her youth, Samantha couldn't help but smile. She was amazed to find out that the entire building she had worked in had survived the Reaper attack. The university had closed it down for refurbishment not long after her graduation, meaning that most of it had been largely untouched and was now something of a tourist attraction, since most of the past had been destroyed. It was one of the few remnants of the world the Reapers had torn apart.

She walked down familiar corridors, bustling with academics and cleaners, towards her old lab on the ground floor. The organisers, who welcomed her months ago, were excited to tell her that the place remained much the way she left it. It was something of a time-capsule, one which they only reopened at the beginning of this year after some extensive building work to make sure the foundations were stable. The hallways were still lined with numerous digital portraits and vids, documenting just how far Quantum Physics had progressed in the last century alone. Something which the scientists of old had once deemed 'spooky', the idea that two particles could interact with each other no matter the distance between them had baffled many. Since the discovery of the Mass Effect relays and the Mars Archives, science had taken giant leaps forward in such a short space of time, nudged along by the inter-galactic community.

Samantha passed a few young Asari, who were buzzing over their mid-term exams. She rounded the corner past them, slipping between a line of Salarian doctors, chattering animatedly, and paused outside her former office, located beside her lab. A new, golden plaque had replaced her previous standard black one from years earlier, along with a few additions. It now read:

_**Sra. Samantha Shepard**_

_**(BSc, MSc, MRes,)**_

_**Teniente Primera de la Alianza de Sistemas**_

_**Especialista de Comunicaciones**_

"Hmm. We've certainly come up in the world," she joked to herself aloud, opening the door with her new Omni-tool key set. She entered the open plan, 10x20 office, and placed her lab coat and handbag atop the clean desk. _Won't be clean for long. _The office was bare, but she could tell it had been cleaned recently in anticipation of her arrival. The air was cooler here, something which she was immensely grateful for.

Logging into her quantum computer, she entered the Systems Alliance software that had been installed by the military at her personal bequest. It was they who were making her return to her studies after all. Samantha had an inkling they were angling for her to be promoted within the Research and Development Team to try and coax her back into the fold, but she simply couldn't fathom the idea of leading fresh new faces, straight out of university. The idea of sending them all off to war like what had happened to her, didn't sit well in her gut. It reminded her fleetingly of Jack and her Grissom Academy students, forced into conflict at such a young age. Those that survived it were never the same again.

_It's been ten years, and still a day doesn't go by where I don't shudder at the Reaper War._

Samantha got up and made herself a coffee while the Alliance Database was downloading her communications folders. She mixed one part milk with 2 parts water and coffee, and stirred it with a teaspoon, swooning under the rich, chocolatey-smooth aroma. The first sip she took as she re-seated herself at her desk, began to nurse her hangover. She perked up a little, and pulled her wheelie chair closer to the screens, flicking through her messages. Amongst the usual military jargon, she spotted a familiar name, and clicked open the digital envelope, beginning to read:

_Dear Samantha,_

_I do hope you get this. It's been a while since I've felt able to re-connect myself to Alliance business again. Oh, the joys of being a military veteran! Lorenzo, my full-time care assistant, hooked up my old Omni-tool so that I didn't have to log onto a desktop terminal anymore._

_Your plants are all thriving, and I've had Lorenzo give the house a once-over every week to stop the dust from collecting. I do miss having Legion around, but I understand that Shepard couldn't part with her. Have you heard from the Commander since she left on the Normandy? She has me worried, running headfirst into danger again, but there's no talking to her. Hayley always was too headstrong for her own good. She's started the tabloids off again in their obsession with her, I see. Some questionable pictures… I do hope you're ok._

_Sorry. You'll have to forgive an old woman for her ranting and worrying. The reason why I wanted to get in touch was to congratulate you on your big speech. You spoke really well, and stayed true to Shepard's story. I know I speak for the rest of the galaxy when I say, I simply cannot wait for the next one! I know it can't have been easy for you to talk about, but just know that it brings warmth to these rickety old bones to know that a love like yours can exist in this post-war universe. I realise things are tough now, sweetheart, but keep your chin up and just focus on your studies. I know how much you missed the lab, much like I miss my old Med Bay._

_I'll sign off now, before I keep you too long. I'll keep you updated on life in the Seychelles when I can manage it. Don't forget to have fun in Madrid, dear. It's the only thing that helps mend a broken heart._

_Lots of love and support,_

_Karin._

Samantha smiled as she finished Doctor Chakwas' email. She was glad to hear that the old woman was able to reach the outside world again. She worried that Karin's seclusion on the Seychelles would be her undoing, but peace and quiet seemed to be what she had needed.

_Unlike Shepard._

She thought about Karin's words on the Commander then, knowing that she too was worried about the U-turn Shepard seemed to have taken, despite years of trying to lead a normal life. Samantha would have felt much better had Doctor Chakwas been a few years younger and gone with her to keep an eye on her, but even those closest to Shepard seemed unable to contain her. The woman was wild for putting herself in danger.

Finishing off her coffee, Samantha typed a reply to Karin's email, thanking her for the support. She placed her cup on the desk and logged off, readying herself for her first return to the lab. The constant breeze of the _aire acondicionado _above, brought a chill down her neck, despite the heat outside. She put on her lab jacket, adjusting her nametag on the breast pocket. She picked up the datapad reports that had been left for her, and started thinking about her up-coming research, glad to be back in the crazy land of Quantum Entanglement. Opening the door to the left rather than the one she entered through, she enjoyed more tingling sensations of nostalgia. Her heart fluttered as she scanned the laboratory where she had learned so much.

It was still a little dusty, despite the obvious stench of cleaning products. Samantha smiled, walking over to her old workstation. She placed the research papers down, and gazed at her surroundings. There was Ed's desk facing hers, looking like he had never left. _He was always so bloody untidy. _Beside it were the Green Liquor Oxidizer, a brand new Carbonator, and numerous custom built reactors. Some of the old, outdated equipment still remained, and Samantha made a mental note to take inventory when she got a chance to see what else she needed ordered in.

Her heart warmed at the sight of her self-made cloud chamber, that still rested on her desk collecting dust. She recalled the first time she had ever seen Quantum particles up close, by creating vapour using 100% alcohol isopropyl. _The universe really is a magnificent place. _Remembering what a wonder it could be, her broken heart fluttered with an arousal that only science could bring.

"It's like you never left, Sammy."

Samantha almost jumped out of her skin, as a man popped up from behind Ed's old desk. It was a few seconds before she reacted. "What the hell do you think you're doing? You scared the living shite out of me!"

"Wow! Sorry," he chuckled. "I didn't mean to startle you. I just dropped a vial of chemicals before you entered. I was busy tidying it up." He tossed the clean-up essentials into a nearby bin.

Samantha's stomach back flipped, as something about the man's posh London accent activated her memories. "Ed?! Good Lord, is that you?"

Her old friend-turned-enemy threw her a guilty grin, brushing a hand across his bushy brown beard. His short hair was flecked with grey now, but his rounded spectacles were still antique in design. He looked as though he had aged tenfold since they had last seen each other, and his face was lined with numerous scars that hadn't been there before. _No one was untouched by the war. _Samantha squinted to make him out, but it was definitely him, although truth be told, with a little more weight around the middle.

"How's it going, buddy? Long time, no see." He made to cross the room and give Samantha a hug, but she held him off, recoiling.

"Ed, what the bloody hell are you doing here?"

"Didn't anyone tell you? I'm your new lab partner!"

Samantha's blood boiled. "No. A-absolutely not! No way!"

"It's true," he said, straightening his white lab coats that resembled hers. "I thought it was a bit weird myself, to be honest, but the university asked me back to assist you on your upcoming research. Thought you'd be a bit happier to see me. It's been such a tumultuous number of years, you know?"

"Yet your mere presence still stings. I haven't quite forgotten you shagging my girlfriend on top of my desk," Samantha said smartly.

"Ah… Well, yes. I guess that image would rather stick with you." Ed blushed then, staring at the spot on Samantha's desk where the unspeakable act had taken place.

"It's not that one," Samantha said, knowing what he was thinking. "I swapped the desks with yours, you idiot, the day after your little display. Do you really think I'm a fool?"

"On the contrary, I think you're a genius," Ed said. He changed tactics then, realising that simple acts of flattery weren't going to soften her any. "Look, I apologised for my actions back then, Sammy. Elena was the one who seduced me. You remember how she was, right? Always flirting, always manipulating. You know I only ever slept with her out of loneliness. I'd had a crush on you for the longest time, but when you shot me down, it broke me a little. I turned rather bitter."

"I didn't shoot you down, Ed. As you very well know, I was only interested in women. I made it very clear I only ever saw you as a friend, so it really wasn't my fault that you allowed your heart to get broken. I'd already presented you with enough evidence to prove that my rejecting your advances wasn't ever personal."

"I know. You're Goddamn right! I was a complete and utter idiot. And I've had to live with that error of judgement my entire life. I ruined our friendship after what I did. I wanted to get back at you, and I did it in the worst possible way imaginable. But you didn't even give me a chance to mend fences."

"Because you stole my girlfriend!" Samantha reminded him. "There weren't any fences left after that."

"I know, alright!" Ed finally lost his temper too, and she could see the frustration in his eyes. "I'm really sorry. Truth be told, that's the reason why I accepted the university's invitation to come back and work with you again. I wanted to make it up to you. I've really missed having you in my life, Sammy. We used to do everything together. Don't you remember? We were joined at the bloody hip."

"Why do you think it hurt so much what you did?" Samantha sighed. She leaned both hands on her workstation then, shaking her head. "God, I really wasn't prepared for this today. I have so much on my mind already. I don't need this on top of everything else."

"Sorry," Ed said again. "It was a long time ago, Samantha. I know the betrayal of it all still nips, but I thought you might consider being friends again. The Reaper War really put things into perspective for me, and I vowed if both of us made it through it, that I would track you down to make amends for what a wanker I was."

"It's not that easy," Samantha said, staring him in the eyes.

"It can be," Ed replied, giving her a kind smile. "You look like you're in dire need of a friend right now."

"What makes you say that?"

He stared down at her hand. "A number of things: You're not wearing your wedding ring, for starters." Samantha immediately retracted her hand from the desk. "Plus I saw that stuff with Commander Shepard in the tabloids with her face buried in Asari strippers. That's got to bring back some unpleasant memories for you. Then there's that permanent frown between your brow, getting deeper the longer I speak. I remember that look." He chuckled as Samantha's swarthiness turned a shade of scarlet. "Girl trouble. I know I haven't seen you in over a decade, old friend, but we practically lived out of each other's pockets at one point. I knew you better than anyone." He moved closer to her then, holding out his hand. "What do you say? Can we put the past behind us and at least try working together again? For a time? If it doesn't feel right, then I promise you, I'll hand in my resignation and you'll never have to see me again."

Samantha stared at his hand, then into his eyes. Ed wore the same trauma that most survivors of the war bore, but somewhere under it all, was a flicker of the man she once knew. She contemplated his offer. _Maybe this forgiveness is long overdue. I can't keep carrying around old scars along with my new ones. Otherwise I'm going to have a bloody breakdown. _Seeing his surprise appearance as an opportunity to shed at least some of the anchor weighing her down, Samantha reluctantly shook his hand.

"I appreciate this," Ed said with sincerity. He seemed much more mature than she remembered.

_Seems like he finally managed to grow a set and take some responsibility for himself._

"I still haven't forgiven you for what you did," Samantha reminded him, her mind flashing back to that moment. "I don't think anyone ever fully forgives those responsible for breaking their heart. But I am willing to give you a second chance. If the war taught me anything, it's that life's too short."

Despite her words, she could still see Elena's face contorted in arousal; still hear her cries of ecstasy as she walked on them going at it. But the reunion she'd had with her during the war, and the way Elena had treated Shepard when she was her doctor, Samantha concluded that maybe Ed was right in what he had said. Elena was the real poison here, and it was time for her to be sucked out of both their wounds forever.

"You're right. And I don't expect you to. I'll never forgive myself for it," Ed rued. "That's why I ended things with her. I would really just like for us to draw a line over a terrible mistake that I made so long ago, and to try and move on from it. Because like it or not, Sammy, we do work well together."

Samantha finally managed a small smile that mirrored his. "I suppose we do. But today isn't going to be your first day, Ed. I really need some time to myself right now. And if you want this to work, you're going to have to allow me that."

"Oh, of course!" he said hurriedly. "_No problema..._ Sorry, my Spanish still sucks." He laughed. "I know you're busy, so I won't officially start until next week. I'll work from home until then to give you some space."

"Thank you." Her head dropped, and Ed realised it was time for him to leave.

"Look, I can see you want to be alone. I'll say no more today and leave you to your thoughts. Thanks, Sammy. I mean it. You won't regret this, I promise. I'm not the same prick that I was back then." He covered her hand with his, giving it a little squeeze, then made his way to the door.

"Ed?" Samantha called, suddenly feeling sick. "You aren't going to tell anyone, are you?"

"About what?"

Samantha held up her left hand, signalling the empty wedding finger.

Ed gave her a sympathetic smile. "I've already betrayed you once, dear friend. I'm not about to do it again. You don't have anything to fear."

"Thanks," she sighed, clutching the desk again for support.

"I'll see you next week, alright? Chin up, darling."

"Goodbye, Ed."

He turned on his heel, and exited the lab, closing the door behind him.

#

Later that night, Samantha's Omni-tool rudely awakened her, flashing with an unexpected incoming call. With a groan, she opened her eyes and was immediately blinded by the orange interface. She flopped over onto her back, across the other side of her hotel room's King-sized bed.

"Hullo?" she mumbled, half-asleep. Even though she was naked, the heat was still stifling.

"Samantha?"

She bolted upright, suddenly wide awake. "Shepard?"

"Hey."

Rubbing her eyes, Samantha flung her feet over the side of the bed, onto the coolness of the floor. She glanced at the alarm clock. "It's three o'clock in the morning. Is everything alright?"

"Oh, shit... Sorry, I don't have any concept of time on Earth at the minute. I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's… fine," Samantha yawned. Her insides warmed at the sound of her voice. "Is everything alright?" she repeated, wondering why Shepard was contacting her after the way their last conversation had ended.

"Yeah," the Commander replied. "I just... wanted to ask you something."

"What is it?" Samantha could tell by Shepard's voice that she'd been drinking. She'd heard that tone so often, when Shepard used to knock back a whiskey or two to take the edge off. _Think this is a bit more than that though. I can practically smell the alcohol through the comm line._

Shepard paused for a moment, before elaborating. "Do you... Do you remember the day I woke up in hospital, after the Reapers were defeated?"

Samantha's heart crushed at the memory of seeing a broken hero with tubes sticking out of her, a life support machine, and teeth wired so tight that she could barely speak. "I do," she whispered. "I'll never forget it. Why do you ask?" She heard Shepard swallowing, and the clinking of ice against a glass. _She's still drinking._

"It's just..." Shepard was slurring her words as though struggling to find the right ones. "You think I recovered from that day... B-But I didn't."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... What I mean is..." Shepard paused to take another sip of whatever she had chosen to try and sedate herself with tonight. "I'm pretty awesome... Like 90% of the time... But that other 10% is like... not. D'you know what I mean?"

At this, Samantha smirked, amused by her babbling despite her frustrations at being woken up. She realised Shepard was three sheets to the wind, and was surprised she could string words together at all. "Er, not really, Hayls. What have you been drinking tonight?"

"Oh..." Shepard hiccupped, and contemplated the question. "I... I dunno. Some shit that Cortez had in his footlocker."

Samantha chuckled. "You're stealing from your crew now?" she teased. Getting up, she slipped her feet into her flip-flops, and grabbing her silk kimono, walked out onto the balcony. The city was calm beneath her, with only the faint hint of the last remaining sky-cars zooming by. She leaned over the edge, feeling her hair lift under the light breeze.

"No! Cortez said I could have it. He doesn't drink now, you see."

"Neither do you," Samantha reminded her. "You know it's not good for you."

"But everything hurts," Shepard sighed. "I mean... everything."

Samantha sighed. "Shepard, exactly how drunk are you?"

"I'm not drunk," came the obvious mumble of a lie. "I'm just trying to tell you something... And the more I try to get it out, the more sips I seem to have…. You see, Vega... He said I n-need to be honest with you."

"About what?"

"Everything!" Shepard exclaimed, hiccupping again. "Absolutely everything, Specialist Traynor. I mean, Shepard. I mean... Fuck, I dunno what I mean. Vega just said... He said that I need to tell you something."

Samantha smiled. "Vega said that, did he? What did he want you to tell me?"

Snoring reverberated from the other side of the call, and then suddenly Shepard woke up again. "Mmm... I'm so tired," she moaned. "I can't sleep... This tequila is _not_ as magical as the bottle says."

"Insomnia still plaguing you?" Samantha guessed, feeling a pang of sympathy for her despite their estrangement. "You'd gotten a lot better recently too."

"I know... but that was with you..." Shepard's childlike babbling was getting fainter now, like she was drifting off again. Another violent snort jolted her awake, and Samantha heard the bottle of Tequila falling onto the floor of wherever Shepard was. It was accompanied by the glass of ice, and she heard Shepard mourning them both.

"Damn it! That was all I had left."

"Are you in your cabin, darling?" Samantha asked, worried she might not have been. An image of her lying drunk on Aria's sofa flashed through her mind.

"Yes... On my bed... There's no fish though... and no hamster anymore..." Shepard sighed. "I miss my hamster. But that's not why I called..." She grunted, sounding like she was straightening up then to pay more attention. "I called to tell you something, remember?"

"How about I tell you something instead?" Samantha soothed, knowing she was in no fit state. _Something is obviously bothering her, but I'm not going to get any sense out of her tonight._ "Lie back down and close your eyes, darling."

"Okayyyy," Shepard groaned. "Wait a sec... Aaahh... Ok, ok. I'm ready… Is it weird that I called you tonight?"

Samantha breathed a laugh. "You're fine." _She's actually quite cute when she's like this, if it wasn't for knowing that the underlying issues were much more horrifying. _"Are your eyes closed?"

"Yes."

"Shepard!"

"Ok, they're closed now. I promise."

"Good." Samantha thought of something to soothe her with then. "Do you remember lying on the grass with me in our garden, that summer that you got sunburnt pretty badly?"

"Yes."

"And do you remember what you said to me?"

"That I looked like a Salarian?"

Samantha chuckled. "Yes. And what did I do next?"

"You kissed me."

"After that, silly."

"Put... sun cream on me?"

"Correct. Now I want you to imagine we're back there in the garden. The pain you're feeling right now is just a bit of sunburn, darling, and my hands are there, massaging cream over it like before. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now, listen to my voice, and remember my touch. Allow every inch of you to relax. I'm going to count down, and you're going to be transported back there. Ready? Three, two, one..." Samantha sang a gentle note then, reciting the Periodic Table song like a lullaby. "...With Oxygen so you can breathe, and Fluorine for your pretty teeth. Neon to light up the signs. Sodium for salty times. Magnesium...Aluminium, Silicone. Phosphorus...then Sulphur, Chlorine and Argon..." By the time she had finished, she heard slow, heavy breaths on the other end of the call. "Shepard?" she whispered. "Are you asleep?"

No response.

_Worked like a charm! _Smiling to herself, Samantha blew her a silent kiss, and hung up the call on her Omni-tool. She stared up at the night sky, casting the stars a loving gaze. _Sweet dreams, darling, wherever you are. _The balcony fell into silvery darkness once more, and Samantha exhaled. Pulling her kimono back around her, she re-opened the sliding doors, and entered her apartment, blindly clambering into bed. She lay awake, staring up at the ceiling thinking about Shepard, knowing the Commander was most likely going to have no recollection of their call the following morning. It was strange. Despite their issues, she couldn't help but still care for her. Her heart ached to hear her in pain. It was like a reflex action to come to her aid when her PTSD was messing her up.

Seeing Shepard vulnerable and exposed was a rare thing, but something Samantha had witnessed a handful of times over the years. She had learned various methods to get her back to sleep, but the Periodic Table song seemed to be a favourite. Shepard's call worried her though. It wasn't in her nature to reach out. _She really seemed like she wanted to tell me something there. _Wondering what it could have been to have unravelled Shepard so, Samantha reached over, touching the empty space in the bed beside her. _God, I miss her. Why does everything have to be so bloody complicated? _She felt like a failure. She'd put everything into their relationship, and in the end came out with nothing. A lump appeared in her throat, and she swallowed it down, holding the heavy weight of emotion in her chest. She didn't know how to feel anymore. It took a long time before she could get back to sleep, but the idea that Shepard obviously missed her too was one that ultimately pacified her. Before she knew it, Samantha soon fell into a light doze of her own, still clutching the empty side of the bed beside her.


	6. Chapter 6

"Who the hell are these guys?" Garrus yelled, sniping merc after merc over Shepard's shoulder.

"No fucking clue!" Shepard roared back. "Just take them out!"

_**Pow! Pow! Pow!**_

The last of the mercenaries fell from the Cerberus ship's gangway, down into the depths of crunching machinery. Vega looked over the side, shouldering his still smoking gun. "_¡Adiós, pendejos! _Man, that's a long way down."

"Rather them than us," Shepard grinned. She wiped a streak of blood away from Legion's fur, after a recent whack with the butt of an enemy gun. "Bastards hit my dog, guys. I'm gonna slaughter them."

Legion growled in agreement, as Shepard readjusted the oxygen-muzzle so that she could breathe. She patted her behind the ears, and straightened up.

"Let's get moving," Garrus said, reloading his weapon. "We need to get off this walkway. We're sitting ducks out here."

"And my raging hangover isn't getting any better with this constant drumming in my ears," Shepard added. "Shouldn't have taken Cortez up on that tequila offer last night."

"You know he buys the cheap shit, right?" Vega laughed.

"Figures why he was giving it away for free."

Shepard took point, as the other took up her flanks. They moved in formation until they were clear of the engine rooms. One the air had pressurized further inside the ship, all three of them removed their helmets, and Shepard removed the dog's muzzle. Legion immediately set off, sniffing for clues.

"We sure this is the right ship?" Garrus wondered, scanning the freighter with his Omni-tool, trying to collect some useful data. "Looks more like a pirate vessel than any Cerberus sucker I've ever seen."

"My mother _is_ a pirate," Shepard reminded him, as they rounded the next corner. "Don't underestimate her. This ship might be swinging a Cerberus flag, but make no mistake, she's the one pulling the strings." She activated the hack on her Omni-tool to open the next door that blocked their way. It led them into an armoury. "Load up here before moving on. Knowing Amanda she has something slick up her sleeve."

"Guess you missed too many Mother's Days to expect a warmer welcome," Vega teased.

"More like she missed too many of my birthdays for me to actually give a shit."

The other two laughed. They began searching through numerous crates for anything useful to help the mission. Shepard propped her N7 Valkyrie down on the weapons bench, and began to tinker. She hummed to herself as she fixed her sights, which weren't quite right. It had been so long since she'd had any need for her weapons that they'd become a bit bent out of shape.

"Where's the music coming from? Shepard, is that you?" Garrus laughed. It wasn't like her to burst into tune in the middle of a mission.

"Sorry, it's been stuck in my head all day. Feel like I've heard it somewhere recently."

"Maybe Cortez?" Vega suggested. "Never stops singing in the Shuttle Bay, that boy."

"Bet you're getting your head showered now that you're in Liara's old office," Shepard grinned.

"Yeah, bit too quiet for me, but I needed a desk. Can't live out of my old Shuttle Bay get-up now that I'm CO. You know, when you're not on board obviously."

"You're still the ship's Commander, James. I'm just making a cameo appearance."

"We'll see," he joked. "I know you've still got the bug, Shepard, whether you want to admit it or not. Just tell me you didn't miss this."

Shepard picked up her gun and cocked it. "Like you wouldn't believe."

"It's good to have you back, old timer," Garrus said.

"Old? Now, I know you ain't talking about me!"

"Oh, you may look like you haven't aged much in the last ten years, but that doesn't mean you can still aim," he joked.

"Form is temporary; class is permanent. I can still shoot the wings off a fly," Shepard protested.

"But can you shoot them from 100ft away?"

"And look better than you when I do it," she winked.

"Ouch!" Garrus howled.

James barked with laughter. "She got you there, Vakarian. Now come on. I bet there's some more asses need kicking."

"Oorah!"

They regrouped at the next door, leading deeper into the ship's hull, with Shepard taking point again. Legion's heckles were up, as she anticipated something on the other side.

"Easy, girl." Shepard dragged her back by the collar, so that she wasn't in danger. _Even though she's trained, she's still hot-headed and impulsive. Definitely me in dog form. _The Commander hacked the next door, and they were met with an immediate onslaught of gunfire. A spiral of turret rounds assaulted her brand new N7 armour, stopping her in her tracks.

"Get down!" she yelled, as her shields took hit after hit. She provided covering fire until the others had moved up into to better positions to counter-attack. "Garrus, get that fucker off of us! Bastard tore through my shields." Crouched in a barrage of pain, Shepard scrambled behind the nearest crate, in what seemed to be some sort of vast storage bay. Her shoulder was bleeding heavily, having taken a bullet straight through her armour. "Damn it!"

"Shepard! You ok?!" James called, continuing to spray at the mercs. A Biotic singularity appeared beside him, and he was swept into the air.

"VEGA!" Shepard used all her remaining strength to get up off the floor. She lunged, grabbing his leg before he was fully warped up into enemy firing lines. With every ounce of pull she had, she finally managed to drag him out of the gravitational suction, with their combined weights proving too strong for it. James fell out of the sky on top of her, and she was completely totalled by his huge mass. Her injured arm crumbled underneath them at an unnatural angle.

"ARGH!"

"Fuck!" James exclaimed, recoiling after hearing the _**pop!**_ of her shoulder dislocating. "Shepard-"

"Get going!" she growled at him. "Now!"

Reluctantly following orders, James re-joined Garrus and Legion in the fight. The dog was currently ripping the ankle off a nearby merc, protecting her owner. Shepard dropped her Valkyrie and withdrew her pistol instead, using her good arm to keep oncoming enemies at bay while the other two took down the automatic machine gun. She breathed easy when Garrus finally signalled the all clear. The entirety of her left bracer was completely covered in blood now, siphoning off the end of her fingers onto the ground.

"Are you alight?" Garrus called. He and James jumped off the crate overhead and dropped down beside her, between her body count. He pulled Shepard to her feet.

"I will be," she grimaced. She used her right arm to haul the left into place with a violent drag that almost made her vomit. Her shoulder popped back into its socket like it was nothing, much to the horror of her friends.

"_¡Mierda!"_ James swore, holding her upright as she stumbled into him with the momentum.

"Just like old times," she laughed, breathing heavily. "Luckily that was… my synthetic arm. The other arm… would have been a bitch."

"Same old Shepard," Garrus grinned, tending to her bullet wound with an abnormally large amount of Medi-Gel. "At least you didn't get shot in the ass this time. I definitely wouldn't be rubbing there. Tali would murder me."

"HA! I'd forgotten about that," James chuckled, putting Shepard back on her own weight once she had gotten over the archaic self-help she'd just administered. "Traynor was beside herself with worry that day, remember? She really wasn't used to the front lines back then."

Shepard accepted her Valkyrie from him, and holstered it on her back. At the mention of Samantha's name, her usual ache took over, much more painful than even her newest wounds. She avoided the gaze of her friends, too stung to continue their conversation, and tested her arm to see if it worked. The Medi-Gel had kicked in, but it would burn off soon. _A trip to my old bed in the Med Bay will be on the cards once we return to the Normandy._

Garrus and James exchanged a glance with each other, as Shepard squeezed between them to proceed with the mission. "What is this place?" she asked, staring up at the massive overhang, now littered with bodies and the exploded remains of a turret.

"Looks like a loading bay of some sort," James guessed, as he and Garrus set out to inspect as well. "Those were Eclipse mercs. I thought this was a Cerberus ship. What would they be doing joining forces?"

"All the lines have blurred together after the Reaper War," Garrus replied. "Not sure which mercs are aligned anymore, and which are enemies. What do you reckon they're carrying in those crates?"

"Who cares? Looks like old Reaper tech." Vega shrugged. "We're here to find Liara. These bastards already have a head start on us. I'd rather not give them another one."

"I don't think she's here," Shepard interjected. "My mother's way too smart for that."

"Well, I'm sure glad to hear you think so, Hayls."

The three of them aimed their weapons up at the overhang simultaneously, and Legion exuded a fierce bark. Shepard winced at the burning tension in her shoulder with the sudden movement. The old piece of shrapnel lodged in her neck tingled uncomfortably.

"You," she snarled, meeting her mother's eyes.

The years hadn't been as kind to Amanda Shepard's appearance as they had been to her daughter. What was once a thick mane of stygian hair was now the purest of greys, cropped short into a pixie cut. The tattoos she was covered in hung looser and more wrinkled than before, still on show thanks to her favoured style of sleeveless leather biker jacket. But the face was unmistakable. It still held some of its former attractiveness in its ripe old age, with dark eyes that were the very definition of malevolence.

"I've been expecting you." Amanda's southern drawl echoed, as she casually strolled over the pile of dead mercs. "I guess I don't hold Aria's confidences as much as I thought I did. I'll have to do something about that, once we're done here."

"Oh, don't blame her," Shepard said smugly. "I guess I just offered her something she liked more than your wrinkly old ass."

"Didn't you just?" Amanda sneered. "Saw the vids, kiddo. That looked like quite the kiss you shared."

"Aw, were you jealous?"

"Not me, no. But your wife might be. Maybe I should pay Mrs Shepard a visit in Madrid. Warm your side of the bed until you return from playing the hero again."

Fury flooded through Shepard, and she tightened her finger on the trigger of her pistol. "Where's Liara?" she demanded, unwilling to play the mind games her mother so often liked to test her with.

Amanda finished off her cigarette and chucked the butt down at them. Shepard dodged it, her brow furrowing deeper. "Liara was just bait, kid. I've already sold her off for a hefty price."

"Sold her to who?!" Shepard demanded, aiming her gun directly at her mother's head now. "I thought we'd finally made peace. Why are you doing this now?"

"To get your attention of course. I knew you wouldn't ever get up off your ass otherwise, and there was too much damn security around the Seychelles to get at you. Never thought I'd see you settle into civilian life."

"You bought us the damn island!" Shepard reminded her. "Stole it straight out from under Samantha's nose before she could sign the deeds. I knew it wasn't a fucking peace offering. Nothing you ever do comes without a price. What did you think we were going to do when you gave it to us?"

"Something a lot more interesting than playing house with a fucking sheep-dog and an old lady in a wheelchair," Amanda mocked. Legion barked in offence. "You turned soft, Hayley. You were this Goddamn hero after the Reaper War, and I was supposed to cash in on the Shepard name. But then you went and did a U-Turn on the military, and faded into oblivion for a decade. The name 'Shepard' doesn't carry much weight in the galactic underworld anymore."

"How quickly people forget," Vega said, disgusted.

"So, now what?" Shepard asked her mother. "You're just going to try and capture me and sell me off to the highest bidder too?"

"Hell, I gotta make a living somehow!" Amanda laughed. "Slave trading is a booming business in this new galaxy. Can't say I expected you to infiltrate my ship, but I knew Liara's capture would grab your attention sooner or later. She's too damn cute for you not to react. Didn't you and she used to-?"

"Fuck you, Amanda!" Shepard snarled. _So this is what Liara meant by this all being a trap. I was always the real target._

"You never did learn any manners," Amanda sneered. At her signal, Eclipse mercs surrounded them, raining down from every nook and cranny, guns aimed and ready.

"Shepard," Garrus muttered, as the three of them and Legion huddled closer, unsure of whom to point their guns at now. "What do we do?"

Before Shepard could answer, the Eclipse Commander who landed directly beside Amanda spoke. "Oh, I knew this day would come!"

Shepard's stomach churned, as the woman took off her helmet. "Jona Sederis?" she exclaimed. "Fuck... Well, this just went from bad to worse." Legion scurried away before she could grab her collar. "Legion!" She whistled but the dog did a runner. "Damn it!" Shepard turned her attention back to the wild Asari whom she'd last left to rot in a C-SEC jail cell over a decade ago. "Never thought I'd set eyes on your brand of crazy again. Thought you'd do us all a favour and die in the war."

"Same could be said for you, Shepard," Sederis shrieked. "But I can safely say I'll relish the chance to kill you with my own two hands, just like I killed Sayn for betraying me back then. That useless lump was never going to lead Eclipse. He didn't even make it to Earth to battle the Reapers with the others. I made sure of it. And now I'm going to revel in victory once you're finally dead. I've waited a long time for this."

"No," Amanda told her. "Shepard is to be sold with T'Soni. That was the deal."

"Screw your deal, human! There's been a change of plan."

"What do you mean?" Amanda asked. For the first time, Shepard saw a flicker of fear in her.

"You're the one who's going to be sold," Sederis said sweetly. "Seize her!" The nearest Eclipse mercs grabbed Amanda's arms, and snatched her weapon. They cuffed her behind her back.

"You fucking turncoat!" Amanda snarled. "I should have never trusted another Asari. You're all the same!"

"You were just a pawn, Human," Sederis said, stroking her chin. "But you did what I asked. You brought me Commander Shepard. For that, you have my gratitude. So rather than kill you too, I'm going to sell you in her place, and relieve you of your ship and crew while I'm at it. Shepard for a Shepard. You may not be the hero that my benefactor wanted, but you'll fetch a pretty price along with the little Shadowbroker. And then Eclipse can take back their rightful place back at the top of the food-chain."

"I'll get you for this!" Amanda swore, as the mercs took her away. "Hayley, don't let her do this! Help me!"

"Let her go!" Shepard shouted, aiming at the guards.

Sederis' maniacal laughter echoed all over the warehouse. "Like hell, Commander. Take her away. And kill the spares! Shepard is mine."

Before another word could be said, three things happened at once. Sederis pulsed Biotically and jumped down from the overhang to face Shepard; Amanda was black-bagged and hauled into a shuttle by her captors; and Legion suddenly appeared on the overhang. The Commander watched the as her faithful German Shepard bounded towards the shuttle through a spray of gunfire, and made it on board before the doors closed.

"NO!" she bellowed. As the other two spread out, she aimed her gun at the shuttle as it made for take-off. The Cerberus bay doors opened, and despite Shepard's best aim, the pilot managed to navigate the shuttle out into open space. "LEGIONNN—OOF!" James halted her cries by shoulder-tackling her out of harm's way as Sederis aimed a Biotic charge at her.

"Commander, we gotta move!" he yelled as best he could. Oxygen was being sucked rapidly out of the storage unit, and their helmets weren't handy to put on amidst the chaos. Garrus had intercepted Sederis, and was struggling with her as she tried to attack.

"Cortez," Shepard choked into her comms. _We don't have much time. _"We need... a pickup. Fly your shuttle... in through the bay doors... before they close."

"I'm tailing the Eclipse shuttle, Commander. If I double back for you, we'll lose it!" Cortez replied.

"That's an order!" Shepard said, her heart wrenching as she thought of Legion. "We're outnumbered." She looked up from the floor, seeing crates after crates spilling out the back of the ship, along with a few Eclipse soldiers. "The kinetic barriers are completely down. We're falling fast."

"Roger that. On my way, Commander. Hold tight."

Garrus was blasted off his feet by a huge Biotic force, as Sederis gained on them. Shepard and James stumbled upright, as the Cerberus vessel shuddered beneath their feet, and the floated momentarily before hitting the floor.

"Look out!" Shepard yelled to Vega, realising the gravity fields were faulting. They aimed at Sederis, but their bullets sprayed wildly and only did minimal damage. The field kicked in again, and they were slammed back onto the floor with the gravitational pull.

"Get Garrus!" James choked, as the last of his oxygen waned.

The ship's internal fuel systems imploded then, blasting Sederis off her feet, behind a few crates that had not yet been dislodged. Seeing the opportunity, Shepard stumbled across the surface until she reached Garrus. She looked up through the atmospheric madness, seeing an Alliance shuttle drifting overhead. The door opened to reveal two helmeted allies, who reached out and dragged an unconscious Garrus aboard. Once Shepard had offloaded him, she turned to look for James, who had passed out from the lack of air a few feet away. Battling with asphyxiation, Shepard raced back towards him and managed to manoeuvre him onto her shoulder in a fireman's lift. Using every pick of strength the 33% of her Synthetic alloys allowed, she battled to stay conscious as she carried him back to the shuttle. The two allies pulled both her and James aboard then, and the shuttle doors slammed behind them.

"Get them oxygen, now!" Cortez ordered from the pilot's chair, as he steered the shuttle back into space.

"Alright, alright! Keep your 'air on, boy!"

Shepard caught a glimpse of a heavily scarred face, before she too passed out.

#

Some time later, Shepard was roused out of sedation by a metronomic beeping, one that she was well accustomed to. Her eyelids fluttered open, and her vision came into focus. She was staring up at a familiar ceiling, one that housed the Normandy's Med Bay. _Just like old times… _She tried to straighten up, and realised her arms were attached to the machines with various needles and tubes.

"Careful, Commander. You took heavy damage on that last mission."

The green eyes of a familiar doctor bore into hers. "Dr Michel?" Shepard muttered, her voice hoarse and dry.

Dr Michel smiled and took Shepard's hand, as she tried to take out her IV. "Don't be too hasty, Commander. Take it slow."

Shepard's eyes rolled to the back of her head, as a fresh wave of nausea overcame her. "Where are the others? Are they ok?"

"Garrus is currently resting in the crew's quarters. He's fine," Dr Michel replied in her soothing accent. "Lt-Commander Vega is ok. We managed to resuscitate him on the shuttle. He only went a second or two without oxygen."

"Good to hear. So what's my damage?" Shepard asked, realising her left shoulder had been bandaged up, and her arm was resting in a sling.

"The posterior dislocation of your implant was a bit more severe than you thought," Dr Michel said, peeling back the dressing on her shoulder to inspect it. "The bullet wound you suffered before the dislocation cut through the synthetic clavicle, meaning the humerus is not sitting securely. Even after your hack-job medical skills in the field. You should have let someone else set it for you."

"Was kind of in the middle of a mission," Shepard laughed.

"Even one of your comrades would have been better than administering barbaric tactics like that," Dr Michel replied, unsmiling. "Commander, you need to take your health a bit more seriously. We are not at war anymore. This is an assignment that can be completed by other operatives. If it were up to me, you would be immediately discharged, and sent back to Earth."

"Like hell," Shepard grumbled. She sat up, despite Dr Michel's protests, and tore the drip from her arm.

"Commander!"

"I don't have time for this," she said, as the machines were sent haywire. "They've got my dog. And Liara. And my fucking turncoat of a mother. I have to find them." As she tried to pass Dr Michel, the woman stuck her in the neck with a needle. "Argh!" Shepard exclaimed, touching the spot where she'd been injected. Dr Michel caught her before she collapsed, and manoeuvred her back onto the bed. "What was that for?" Shepard tried to get up but she couldn't. She couldn't move her limbs at all, in fact.

"Lt- Commander Vega's orders," Dr Michel told her, beginning to put her drips back in and silencing the machinery. "I believe his exact words were, 'Don't let that crazy fucker leave the Med Bay, and contact me when she wakes up.'"

"What the hell?! What is this?!"

"Relax, Shepard." Vega entered the Med Bay, a huge grin on his face. He looked largely untouched after their hectic mission. Wearing his favoured grey shirt and military slacks, he sat on the corner of her bed and patted her leg.

"Vega, what the fuck?!" Shepard had never been more furious with him as she tried to battle against whatever drugs Dr Michel had just pumped through her system. "What's this about?"

"Can we have a minute, Doctor?"

Dr Michel nodded. "For now, Lt-Commander. But the x-ray shows that I need to operate soon."

"Operate?" Shepard barked. "Oh, hell, no! Over my dead body!"

"It may just come to that!" Dr Michel scolded.

Shepard's nostrils flared as she once again struggled to get up. "_Man_, I miss Chakwas!" she grumbled, falling back in defeat. Dr Michel glared before taking her leave. The door of the Med Bay swished closed behind her. "I remember her being a lot nicer than that. Vega, tell me what the fuck is-"

"Shepard, calm down, and let me explain," Vega said, before she could start up her profanities again. "We have a lead on Liara."

"What? Where?"

"Wrex got in contact. He's found evidence of another Cerberus splinter group in cahoots with Eclipse. Seems like your Mom wasn't the only one who took up The Illusive Man's banner after the war."

"So they're the ones who have Liara and Legion?"

"I don't know about that, but Zaeed and Kasumi have arrived to help out. Zaeed seems to think some of his Blue Suns contacts will have more information. It's in their interests too to make sure that Eclipse don't come out on top, so for now our interests are aligned. We're going to go check it out. We're on our way to the Citadel now in fact to meet with them."

Shepard breathed a bit easier. "Good. At least it's something. I have another idea though. It's that shuttle we need to find. It could lead us directly to Liara without the need to involve the Suns."

"But we lost track of it," Vega reminded her.

Shepard smiled. "No, we didn't. Legion has a tracking chip in her for registration purposes. We can trace the signal and it will give us the shuttle's location. You know, if they haven't already flushed her out the airlock." Her stomach heaved at the notion of her beloved hound floating around darkspace. "It's worth a shot. Kasumi should be able to hack into the Inter-Galactic Canine Registry Unit, but she'll need to know Legion's code in order to siphon it from the billions in the database."

"Don't you know it?"

Shepard made a face. "Not _me_."

"_I'll_ call her," Vega said, understanding. "In the meantime, you need to rest. Dr Michel isn't Chakwas, Shepard. She's not going to give you the benefit of the doubt."

"You're telling me! What the hell did she stick me with? I normally have a higher tolerance to drugs than that, but I still can't fucking move."

Vega chuckled. "Anti-Synthetics really kicked off in the wake of the Reaper War. It made a lot of people realise just how unequipped we were to deal with them. I heard that researchers were even experimenting on Husks and the like, trying to figure out counteractive measures to subdue the Synthetic organisms in their bodies."

Shepard felt ill. "Trying to bring them back from the dead?"

"Something like that," Vega nodded. "A lot of people haven't gotten over the fact that their loved ones were turned against them. The Reapers raged warfare in the most brutal way possible, turning our own people on their families. Many people still believe that seeing as they were once turned from Organic into Synthetic, the reverse is also true."

"I didn't even know Husks could still live after their masters were destroyed. Didn't the blast from the Crucible annihilate them all?"

"Most of them," Vega said. "But as you know, there were some exceptions. Take EDI, for example. She may have lost her body when the Crucible went off, but most of her AI is still alive. Not all Synthetic life was wiped out without a trace. It's pretty fucking _loco_, if you ask me."

"I agree." Shepard had the mental image of walking down the street one day and seeing an individual Husk doing their groceries. She shook herself as best she could, fighting the urge to laugh. "Anyway, what's the ETA until we reach the Citadel?"

"We're almost there. A day out at most."

"How is that possible?"

"Again, just like with the Synthetics, not all the Mass Effect relays were destroyed beyond repair. We hit an older one a few hours ago that led us straight into the right system, just like the old days."

"Fuck," Shepard breathed. "Just when you think this galaxy can't get any weirder."

"Tell me about it," he laughed, getting to his feet. "If you think that's crazy, you're not going to like this next part."

Shepard stared. "What part?"

Vega hesitated before replying. "I've, er… taken Dr Michel's recommendations into consideration, and admitted you to Huerta Memorial as soon as we dock on the Citadel."

"What?! What the fuck for?!"

He rolled his eyes. "Shepard, listen to me. This isn't the fucking end of days anymore. You don't need to throw yourself into the fire to get results. There are a lot of people who want you to kick around for as long as possible, but you're not doing yourself any favours."

"James…"

"Look, I know I'm only an Lt. and you outrank me. But as you said, I'm still the official Commander of this ship according to the Alliance Military. As part of my crew, I'm ordering you to the hospital for treatment. I'm putting my foot down. Dr Michel said your body has now completely rejected your implants, something which according to Dr Chakwas' infinite notes on the subject, was something she always feared."

"Bullshit. I'm fine."

"You're _not_ fine!" he insisted. "I've been in contact with Miranda Lawson, and some other top physicians that Chakwas and Michel personally recommended; the best that creds can buy. Hackett confirmed the Alliance are willing to pay for the procedures; eager, in fact. They've all agreed to perform the surgery to fit you with replacement Synthetics. More up to date ones that won't burst out through your skin at random times."

Shepard stared up at the ceiling, feeling herself welling up. She gritted her teeth. "The last time they rebuilt me, it took two years…"

"That was when you were dead," James reminded her. With a sympathetic smile, he sat down on the corner of her bed again. "This time it will only be a few months. Just a few months, in exchange for the rest of your life."

"But the mission-"

"The mission will be completed, Shepard. You have my word. From one N7 to another, I _will _bring Liara and Legion home. You've gotta fucking trust me on that."

A tear leaked out of the corner of Shepard's eye. "I can't believe this…"

James scooped up her tear with a calloused finger. "Shepard," he said, softening then. Evidently, he was struggling to see her this vulnerable. "You're the best CO I've ever had. Not to mention the best damn friend I've had in years. I know you hate being left out of the action, _amiga, _but someone has to look after you, even if you won't look after yourself. Samantha tried, and for a while it looked like she'd succeeded. But now it's my turn to step in. I can't watch you kill yourself all over again. There are plenty of other positions within the Alliance that you can do, still allowing you to have a normal life. I've contacted Admiral Hackett. He's agreed to make you head of the new N7 Training Facility in Vancouver."

"No," Shepard said, "No fucking way. I'm not doing it."

"You're _getting_ this surgery, Shepard!" he insisted, louder and firmer now. "And then you're going to go home, and you're going to fix your marriage. There's more to life than fighting so that other people can live theirs. There's more to life than war."

Shepard realised that what was holding her to the bed now, was no longer the drugs, but grief. Her bottom jaw quivered, and more tears spilled down her face, backwards into her hair. She closed her eyes tightly, angry with the floods of emotion pouring out of her. "Please leave."

"Shepard…"

"Just go," she pled, determinedly not looking at him. "I want to be alone..."

Vega sighed. He squeezed her hand, then reluctantly got to his feet, shaking his head. He stared at her for several seconds; a broken soldier, trapped in memories of the past. "Everyone else has moved on, Shepard. It's time you at least tried to. From one soldier to another, it wasn't easy for any of us. But it's still a damn sight easier than reliving it all every single day. You have people that love you, what some after the war weren't lucky enough to still possess. So… I guess the question you have to ask yourself now, is what is it all worth to you?"

He saluted her, and took his leave, locking the door behind him.


	7. Chapter 7

"Shepard, what is this?"

Samantha came out of the bathroom, towel drying her hair after a much needed shower. She'd just come back from a jog around the island after studying, and the Commander was nowhere to be found when she had returned. Now, Commander Shepard was standing in their open plan communal area, dressed to the nines beside a candlelit dinner table that was set with their best china. In the centre of the table was an expensive bottle of red wine, along with platters of steaming-hot food.

Shepard smiled. "It's our one year anniversary," she said, shrugging. "You thought I'd forget?"

Samantha's heart warmed, and she giggled. "I did. Sorry, darling. I just assumed we weren't going to celebrate it today... I know you've had a lot on your mind."

"_You _are on my mind," Shepard said, closing the distance between them, and taking her in her arms.

Samantha chucked her hair towel away, and stared into her emerald eyes, content in her embrace. "I am rather unforgettable, aren't I?" she smirked.

Shepard chuckled. "Like you wouldn't believe." She brushed her fingers through Samantha's wet hair, and drew her into the tenderest of kisses that said more than mere words ever could. Samantha's eyes remained closed, even after their lips had parted. _Good Lord... _She couldn't describe the feeling that was going through her, like a weightless warmth that began in her heart and worked its way throughout her body. She took a deep breath, and opened her eyes, staring deep into Shepard's once more.

"I feel like you need to prepare me first, before you do that," she whispered, sliding her hand along the Commander's throat, resting it along her chest where her dog-tags dangled. She covered them, feeling Shepard's irregular heartbeat beneath them. "You know, for the longest time, I thought these were all I was going to have left of you after the war." The warmth inside of her disappeared then, to be replaced with a wrenching sensation that had dogged her throughout the Reaper conflict. "Every time I watched you descend the Normandy on that shuttle, it tore the absolute heart of me."

"I know," Shepard murmured, tracing Samantha's cheek. "I'm lucky to still be here."

"Do you really believe that?" Samantha asked, sighing. "Darling, we've had a wonderful first year of marriage. I love you so much, but... I just wonder what's going to happen when you finally get that call again to leave me and return to the front lines."

"Hey," Shepard soothed, seeing Samantha's brown eyes fill with fear. "You have nothing to worry about. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon." She planted another chaste kiss on her. "I don't even know if I want to go back. Look, I'm not going to make any promise to you, Sam, because honestly, I don't know what I'm doing right now. All I know is, I've had the best damn year of my life being married to you, and I want that to continue. Because you dragged me out of, like, the worst place imaginable. I can't wait to build a life with you here."

"But the Alliance-"

"The Alliance can wait," Shepard interrupted. "Hackett can wait. The Normandy can wait. _Everything_ can wait, Samantha; because tonight is just about us. I spent the entire day preparing this surprise for you. I don't want to talk about the war. I don't want to talk about the future. I don't want to talk about anything that's going to make us sad. I just want to sit down with my beautiful wife and eat dinner."

Samantha smiled, and wrapped her arms around Shepard, hands resting at on nape of her neck. She trickled her fingers through the short pixie cut that Shepard sported, remembering her hair being longer before the ends were damaged and scorched. "Sounds perfect, darling." She kissed her deeply, feeling the ground slide sideways beneath her. Suddenly Shepard scooped her off her feet, and carried her back into the bedroom, placing her down across their bed. Samantha giggled as she kissed her neck, knowing where she was leading her. "What about dinner?"

"It can wait too," Shepard breathed. "This can't." Samantha giggled, and allowed the second towel that was wrapped around her body to be torn away by Shepard's eager hands. "Fuck... I've been waiting all day to see you."

A moan of arousal escaped Samantha's lips, as Shepard's weigh pressed down upon her. "Oh, God," she exhaled, clawing at the back of the Commander's dress for its zipper. Her fingers found the clasp and pulled it down, feeling the fabric come loose. Shepard's breasts spilled out over the top, and Samantha dragged the remainder of the dress down over her hips, so that their skin touched. She touched the roughness of Shepard's scars, pulling her close.

"Shepard..." She bit her lip, as Shepard slithered down her body, leaving a trail of kisses in her wake. She was already wet before the Commander covered her throbbing centre with her mouth, sucking on it gently, exploring it with a flick of her tongue. Samantha buried her fingers in Shepard's hair, thrusting her hips upwards as it already became too much. "Oh my God!"

She heard the Commander chuckle, knowing that she had her at her mercy. Samantha spiralled into another dimension. With each bead of sweat that trickled down her body, and each exasperated breath that escaped her, she was powerless to resist. She was only semi-aware of Shepard's travelling hand running across her skin, the touch of her thumb as it teased her nipple, causing it to stand on end. The other hand was buried deep within her, working in unison with her tongue to send Samantha into further convulsions.

_Oh, my... How is that possible?!_

When Samantha reached her limit and could take no more, she slid off the bed, coming face to face with Shepard again on the floor. Catching her in a fierce kiss, she could still taste the faint hint of her own wetness on the woman's lips. This just turned her on further. She wrapped her legs around Shepard's waist, and slid her hand down, between their bodies, in between Shepard's kneeling legs. They moved in unison, writhing figures riding the waves of their arousal. Now it was Shepard's turn to lose her voice. Samantha enacted sweet revenge, pleasuring her to the very depths of her core, feeling Shepard tense against her when she finally climaxed.

Breathless and spent, the two of them clambered back onto the bed, and lay side by side, panting and sweating.

"Fucking hell!" Shepard managed, staring up at the ceiling. Her voice was hoarse.

Samantha cuddled into her, resting her head on her shoulder, her arm across the Commander's tight abs. She kissed Shepard's moist neck, closing her eyes and enjoying the dying remains of her orgasm. "You know... I'm not even hungry anymore," she whispered, grinning with contentment.

"Me either," Shepard laughed. "But it's prime rib-eye steak. We can't let it go to waste... Plus, there's wine."

"Wine, huh?" Samantha chuckled. "I could definitely go for a glass or two."

"Not yet," Shepard panted, holding her tighter. "I don't think I can move just yet."

Smiling, Samantha raised her head, and found Shepard's lips again, enticing her back in for round two. This time it was slower than before, more intimate and entrancing. Staring into each other's eyes, they teased each other simultaneously, much too sensitive now to do anything more vigorous. The candles in the living area had almost burnt out their wicks when they were finally finished.

Re-dressed and breathing normally again, they re-entered the living area. Samantha seated herself on the chair that Shepard held out for her, her stomach rumbling excitedly as Shepard took the lids off the food.

"Everything looks gorgeous!" she gushed, tucking herself closer to the table, eyeing the steak, creamed potatoes and vegetable that Shepard had prepared in secret. "Is this what you were doing all evening? I was a bit worried when I couldn't find you."

Shepard uncorked the Galician red wine and poured them both a glass. "I was over at Dr Chakwas' house using her kitchen. Couldn't have done it here while you were studying without spoiling the surprise. Oh, shit, before I forget! I got you something." She put the bottle of wine back on the table and raced over to the fireplace, snatching as small box with a red bow on it. Resting her butt on the edge of the table beside Samantha, she then presented her with the gift.

"Oh, darling, you shouldn't have!"

"Ah, come on! It's our first anniversary," Shepard grinned. "Open it!"

Samantha tore the pretty silver paper at its crease, and opened the little red box, to find: "A bracelet! Oh, Shepard, it's beautiful!" She felt herself tearing up, noticing the inscription across the band. "_'Love is so short, forgetting is so long,'_" she read.

"Pablo Neruda," Shepard said, her pale cheeks blushing a little as she became embarrassed. "Vega bought me one of his books when I was in hospital. I figured the translation would do, rather than the original Spanish. I, er... know that it's not a conventional quote to inscribe for someone you love, but I just..." Shepard exhaled, struggling to explain herself. Samantha squeezed her hand, prompting her to continue. "I just feel like it's taking me an age to recover from the war. There was a time when I thought I'd only get to love you for a short while, before I was KIA." Shepard's eyes bore into Samantha's then, who was so overwhelmed with tonight that they were shining with tears. "I guess this is my way of reassuring you that, no matter how long it takes for me to get over the trauma I'm suffering from, the idea that I could have lost you back then and didn't is enough of a reason for me to try, no matter how hard it gets. I don't want to wake up one day and realised that I pushed you away, Samantha. Or that I wasn't attentive enough. Or that, God forbid, some dark day that I have, I do something wild and violent that scares you, and makes you think I'm no longer the person you fell in love with."

Shepard knelt down beside her chair then, taking Samantha's face in her hands. She wiped away the tears that soaked Samantha's cheeks now, as she became too overpowered with the resonation of Shepard's words. "I love you," Shepard said, smiling up at her. "I'll always love you. You're the one bright light that I have guiding me back from war, and I'll never stop being grateful to have found you."

"Shepard," Samantha sobbed. "I... I really wasn't prepared for any of this." They both laughed then, relieving the heaviness of the moment. Samantha took the delicate silver bracelet from the box. "Put it on me?" she asked.

Shepard obliged, taking it in her hands and closing the clasp around Samantha's wrist. She grinned up at her then, and threw her a wink. "You ok?"

Samantha giggled. "I'm... overcome," she admitted. "And... happy! Really happy. Thank you so much, darling... I love you." She directed Shepard towards her, placing a warm kiss on her lips, and pulling her into a long, and lingering hug. "I'm sorry, but the present I got for you isn't as good." She felt Shepard shake with laughter in her arms.

"What is it?" she muttered in her ear.

"A picnic on the beach," Samantha chuckled through her tears. "I was going to take you there tomorrow for lunch. I found this really lovely spot on one of my runs that would be great for sunbathing. I had it all planned out."

They both laughed, and Samantha felt Shepard hugging her tighter. "Sounds perfect," she said. "I can't wait. Should I bring my thong?"

"If you don't, you're not coming," Samantha teased.

Giggling, they pulled apart then. Shepard kissed her again before getting back to her feet, and seating herself at the table. She held up her glass, and Samantha mirrored her. "Here's to us, Mrs Shepard. The most kickass couple in the universe."

"To us," Samantha grinned. "I love you, Hayley."

"I know."

The two of them smiled across the table at each other, then took a sip, before tucking into their delicious meal.

#

Commander Shepard sat in her hospital bed in Huerta Memorial, staring out the window at the Presidium gardens. It was so peaceful here, too peaceful for someone who had lived a lifetime of war and was trying desperately to forget about it. If not for the beeping of her medical machines, she would have been bored into oblivion. She glanced back up at the Vid-screen overhead that was facing her bed. It was currently paused on Samantha's face. She'd just started watching a recording of her second speech at the University of Madrid a month ago, and had found it too hard to continue, hearing her ex-wife speak about her with such adoration.

_Man, why does she have to look so fucking beautiful, as well? _Shepard could feel growing arousal as she took in the low neckline of the black shirt Samantha was wearing. The bareness of her swarthy neck didn't go unnoticed. In her good arm, Shepard was clutching the old dog-tags she'd once had engraved to propose to her with. She'd been in hospital for a week now, and hadn't been able to think of much else beyond Samantha, wondering what she was currently doing on Earth, and if the divorce papers she's signed and sent to her had been officialised yet.

Her heart ached as she replayed happier times at the beginning of their relationship, remembering the silly things, like Samantha blow drying her hair on the balcony, or the way she tiptoed to the bathroom in the mornings when she thought Shepard was still asleep. Shepard longed for nothing more than to feel Samantha's body press up against her again, like she used to when she crawled into bed beside her each night. She wanted to bury her face in close to her neck, and breathe in that old familiar scent. Every pore in her body missed what she could no longer have.

"Shepard!" The door to her ward opened and Grunt entered in his usual booming fashion, scaring a few staff members in the hallway.

Shepard quickly switched the Vid-link off, and tucked Samantha's dog-tags into the top drawer of her bedside cabinet. "Grunt! Good to see you! What's the story?"

"Just came to see if you're ready to crack some skulls yet?" He laughed his adorably deep chuckle.

Shepard grinned. "Always! You know me. But the doctors won't discharge me. They say the shrapnel in my neck has moved and is close to causing a haemorrhage. I have to stay here for observation."

"Ahh! What happened to the good old days when you would just let one of us yank the bullets out of you?"

"The good old days when the world was ending, and everyone would let me do my fucking job?"

Grunt laughed. "You're still the best there is, Shepard. Just a bit more squishier than before."

"I think 'crunchy' is the word actually," Shepard groaned, massaging her paralysed, slinged arm pointedly. "My implants are crumbling inside my body as we speak. I can actually hear them rubbing against my Organic bones."

"Sounds great. Tried to escape yet?"

"Twice. No joy," she sighed. "My mind and body aren't exactly lining up these days. I'm dying to continue looking for Liara, but... I've collapsed both times I've tried to escape. And I think the other patients are getting sick of seeing my ass crack peeking out the back of my hospital gown when I try to run away from the doctors. When did I become so fucking uncoordinated?"

"I remember those days," Grunt laughed. "This place looks easy to escape from, but there are so many eyes watching you. Hughh... That's why I tried abseiling out the window."

"Oh, yeah! I forgot you were something of an expert on escaping from hospitals," Shepard grinned. "I may pick your brain for some pointers, Grunt. I can't fucking sit here any longer, twiddling my thumbs when Liara is in danger."

"Liara'll be ok, Commander. She's tough for an Asari."

"I know but," Shepard felt her heart wrench for another reason. "She's been gone for so long. And things have just been so weird with us in recent years. I miss her... And not in a sexual kind of way," she added, as Grunt's dirty laugh made her feel the need to clarify. "Just as a friend, you know? Liara and I have been there for each other since the very beginning. And losing Legion too among everything else is breaking me in two. That dog saved my life more times than I can count. She's a part of the family... Even if that family is a broken one."

"It will get done," Grunt promised, cracking his knuckles. "I know it will! Commander Vega's on it full throttle. He's determined to rescue her in one piece. I tried to get him to have a drink with me the last time he was here, but I think command has gone to his head. He used to be more fun."

"Aghh, he's just stressed. Leading a crew is one of the hardest things you can do, having everyone relying on you all the time. It's a soul-sucking job."

"Ha! What are you talking about? I just point my guys and the bad guys and tell them to crack some heads!"

Shepard laughed. "Well, we can't all be as tough as Krogans, can we? Vega's a great Commander, Grunt. Hell, I made him my XO during the war! But I know it brings back a lot of bad memories for him. He lost almost his entire crew the last time command fell to him. That shit sticks with you, no matter how many years you're on the job."

"You still mad at him for putting you in here?"

"Hell yeah!" Shepard growled. "But... as much as I hate to say it, it was the right thing to do. Being in command is about making the tough decisions, even if you don't like them, and especially if they upset your friends. I wouldn't have stopped looking for Liara unless Dr Michel's needle was put in my neck. The doctors here confirmed I was one more mission away from either death or disfigurement."

"Doctors!" Grunt grumbled. "Always stopping us from having fun."

"You said it," Shepard laughed. "Have there been any updates from Wrex on the mission?"

"Still no trace of any Asari prisoners, or Cerberus groups within Citadel Controlled Space. Which isn't saying much as the Citadel is rotating within the Sol System still, and doesn't have as much reach over the Galaxy as before." Grunt snorted. "The Blue Suns are with the Normandy crew following a lead to a ship out on the outskirts of the Exodus Cluster. But I don't know... There's something fishy going on. I hope Vega's got his head screwed on straight. I don't like this."

"If you came here to make me feel better about all this and to explain how the cause no longer needs me, then you're failing miserably," Shepard said, shaking her head. She slammed her fist on the bed. "I hate lying here helpless!"

"Don't worry," Grunt said, slapping her leg a little too hard that Shepard actually grimaced in pain. "Just continue with your surgeries until you can at least move without falling over yourself. Then I'll come help you escape."

At this, Shepard perked up. "You mean it?"

"Of course!" Grunt exclaimed, smacking the front of his armour. "Make a plan, Shepard. Think of your next move. Then I'll get the ropes ready to slid you out the window."

"Can I flip them the bird as I'm being lowered?" she teased.

"No idea what that means, but sure!" Grunt sniggered. "Now, I gotta go. Just focus on getting better, Commander. We need you back to your best if we're to win this thing, and you're a little too squishy right now. Can't have you going soft!"

"Later, Grunt. Thanks for stopping by."

As soon as the doors to her ward closed, Shepard breathed a little easier then. _At least Grunt's offered to get me out of here. At least he doesn't think that I'm past my best. _She checked the calendar on the wall beside her, which had the schedule of her upcoming procedures. Her next implant surgery was due in a half an hour. She felt ill at the thought of being sedated again. With nothing more to distract herself with, Shepard turned the Vid-screen on again, and un-paused Samantha's speech, resuming watching.

"...may think that Commander Shepard was the strongest person in the universe, but underneath all that bravado and skill, was a woman like any other," Samantha said, staring out at the crowd who hung on the end of her every word. "I watched her trying to cope with the loss of numerous friends and loved ones. Of fallen comrades, some of whom she'd had to sentence herself. Major Kaiden Alenko was killed by Commander Shepard in the name of duty, and nothing else. Despite their close bond and friendship, Shepard's previous Cerberus ties came between them. They were led down separate paths, and found each other on opposite sides, on a day that changed Commander Shepard forever. I know there have been many false stories on this subject, which is the reason I am choosing to focus so heavily on it. Truth be told, it feels strange talking about it to you all, when it isn't my story to tell, but the stories I've read over such a tragic event have painted my wife to be something she is not... and that is 'heartless'."

Shepard watched closely, as Samantha look like she was welling up. She took a deep breath before continuing.

"I can safely say that I have first-hand experience of just how much of a heart Commander Shepard has. I've seen her at her worst, and I've seen her at her best, and she feels just as much as the rest of the galaxy." Samantha pushed her reading glasses up the bridge of her nose, and stared out at the crowd again. "I'm here to put the record straight, once and for all, to make you see that each decision Shepard made had an effect on her personally. Some called her ruthless. Some called her a terrorist. Some called her a criminal. And some even called her inhumane, cold and calculated... A murderer. But Commander Shepard's heart bore the weight of an entire galaxy for years, and never once did she crumble, even against an impossible cause. She carried us all to the very end of days, and fought with such passion and gall that she won us a future against all odds." Samantha took a breath, appearing as though she was struggling to get through the last few words. "I have first-hand knowledge of how big Commander Shepard's heart is... and I love her with all of mine. Thank you, and good night."

The crowd got to their feet, and cheered at the ending. Shepard stared up at the screen, and watched her wipe away a tear that had streaked down her face underneath her glasses. Samantha bit her lip, and waved to the crowd, before leaving the stage and burying herself in the arms of Diana Allers. Crying herself, Shepard used her remote controller to switch the screen off. She sniffled, wiping her face on the bed sheets, and before she knew it, she'd broken down and was using the blanket to muffle the sound of her pain.

The door slid open. "Commander Shepard, it's time for your-" The Asari nurse halted, as she realised she had walked in at the wrong time. "Commander? Is everything alright?"

"Fine," Shepard said, wiping her eyes, hurriedly pulling herself together. "Next surgery, right?"

"Yes, Commander. Would you... like to take a moment before we begin?"

"No," Shepard said hoarsely. "The quicker we get these done, the quicker I can get out of here."

"As you wish." The nurse readjusted the pillows behind her, and encouraged her to lie back, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Try to relax. I know this can be uncomfortable."

"Nurse, do you have any Synthetic implants inside you?"

The Asari hesitated. "Um... No."

"Then you have no idea how much this hurts," Shepard said coldly. She stared up at the ceiling, wanting nothing more than to have Samantha here, holding her hand and helping her through this whole ordeal. Another tear leaked out, streaking down her face, and her jaw began to quiver. "Just do it... Get it over with."

The Asari sighed, and prepared the needle with Anti-synthetic drugs. Shepard closed her eyes as the needle was pricked into her neck, and its contents squeezed into her bloodstream. Just like before, she lost control of her major muscle groups, and lay paralysed on her hospital bed. Her Synthetic heart was artificially kept beating by a temporary pacemaker, sending small bursts of Mass Effect energy to keep it regulated. Shepard couldn't help but think of Samantha's last words in the Vid. _She still loves me... So why are we still apart? _Hearing the heart monitor beside her bleeping, she stared at it, watching the zigzagging lines drawing across the screen with each beat. Without Samantha, she realised that none of them mattered, that each one was as useless as the last. For what was the point in carrying an entire galaxy, but no longer carrying the woman she loved?


	8. Chapter 8

"Good work today, Sammy. Drinks this evening? I'm sure I owe you a pint or two."

"Sure. I'll meet you at the usual spot around nine. Goodbye, Ed."

"See you later, mate!" Ed tipped his hat at her, as he made his was out of the lab after a hard day's graft.

Picking up her dirty coffee cup, Samantha entered her office and washed it in the tiny sink, leaving it to dry on the drainer. She collected her papers on today's research on Quantum Communications, and stuffed them into her satchel. Hooking her lab coat over her arm, she exited the office, locking it behind her, and left the building.

Madrid was thriving with people trying to get home after work on a Friday. Countless Skycars zoomed overhead, as the traffic multiplied during rush hour. On the ground, Samantha walked through the streets, looking for somewhere nice to have an early dinner. _Otherwise Ed's going to get me drunk again. He really needs to stop buying my pints. _She'd been working so much recently, that she had promised herself a treat that didn't involve alcohol, and she knew just the place.

Stopping off on the corner of _Calle Inter-galáctica XVII_, was a favoured little cafe run by an old lady named Isabel, whom she'd met many years previous.

"_Buenas tardes, Señora Shepard. ¿Cómo puedo ayudarte?" _Isabel smiled over the counter, waiting for Samantha's translator to pick up what she had said.

"Good evening, Isabel," Samantha smiled, kissing both her cheeks. "So good to see you! Have you a table for one?"

"_¿Todavía estás sola? ¿__Dónde está esa mujer tuya__?"_

Samantha chuckled, feeling a pang of guilt as she lied to her. "I'm afraid she's still in space, working for the Alliance. I'll bring her here to have dinner some time so you can meet her. I know the Commander would love your homemade _empanadas_. They're simply to die for!"

"_Perfecto!" _She winked. "_Pues, ven conmigo. Hay una mesa afuera."_

Samantha followed after her, and seated herself at a table outside in the evening sun. After setting the crockery, Isabel immediately busied herself in the kitchen. She never asked Samantha what she wanted when she came here to dine, just brought her out the best of the best.

_And it's always exquisite!_

Samantha relaxed, sipping the most delicious espresso, her eyes absorbing the printed words of an old favourite book, _Santa Olivia_. Printed copies were so rare in this day and age, but Shepard had managed to find one for her a few years ago as a birthday present. Reading it now somehow warmed her heart, as though each word was a loving embrace from her estranged ex-wife. The divorce papers had been finalised today. Samantha had gotten what she thought she needed, but now all she could think was that she'd made a mistake. _The grass isn't always greener..._

She realised that, married or not, her love for Shepard was as eternal as her frustrations with her. The idea of not being Shepard's wife any longer made her feel strangely lonely. On the really bad days, she would actually fantasise about taking an Alliance shuttle to wherever she was in the universe and reconciling with her.

_But I've got to move on. Loving her was too hard to bear. I can't help her, unless she helps herself first._

Isabel returned with a tray full of tapas, and another refill of espresso. Samantha thanked her and tucked in, simultaneously reading her book. She was finally beginning to unwind for the first time in months, when suddenly, her Omni-tool rang. Without looking at it, she flicked the 'accept' button, eyes still on her book as a particularly interesting scene unfolded with the superhuman hero, _Loup_.

"Hello?"

"Am I speaking with Samantha Shepard, formerly of the Alliance Military, and currently a visiting researcher of the University of Madrid?"

"You might be. Can I ask who I'm speaking to?"

"I'm from Intergalactic News Worldwide, Mrs Shepard. I was wondering if I can get an official comment from you regarding your divorce from Commander Shepard."

Samantha's entire world imploded. The book slipped from between her fingers, falling into her bowl of _gazpacho_. She froze, staring at the Omni-tool frequency, fear taking a hold. "Wh... Who is this?"

"Again, this is INW, Ma'am. We're currently running with a story that suggests that you and Commander Shepard are no longer married. Do you have anything you would like to add to the article regarding your ex-wife?"

Samantha felt like she couldn't breathe. "I... When are you running this?"

"Tomorrow, Mrs Shepard. It's going to be headline news. Do you have a comment for us?"

"A comment?!" With anger coming to her rescue now, and she unclenched her muscles, letting it pour out of her. "No, I bloody well don't have a comment. How you dare you call my direct line. This is simply outrageous! Where the hell did you get this frequency?"

"Can you confirm or deny that you and Commander Shepard have indeed gotten a divorce?"

"Just who do you think you are?!" Samantha yelled, slamming her hand down on the table. She was getting stares from the other customers beside her now. "I'm not confirming or denying anything for you. Go do your bloody job, and find out the truth for yourself. But I'm warning you now, if I get so much as a sniff of a reporter following me, I'll sue your blasted news company so hard you'll be making the headlines yourself. Do you hear me?"

"Thanks for your time, Mrs Shepard. We'll be in touch."

"Don't bother!"

The Comm line fell dead. Samantha was shaking. Fury shot through her veins much quicker than the shot of caffeine had. All of Isabel's customers were staring at her, including Isabel herself. Samantha got to her feet and ran to the bathroom, knocking her chair over in the process. _Oh, Christ... _Leaning over the sink, she threw cold water over her face, and watched it drip off the end of her chin in the mirror. She was starting to hyperventilate. _How do they know? Was it Ed? Somehow I don't think so. Maybe Diana? She's always wanted the story to cement her legend status. Or maybe... _Samantha's heart sank. _Maybe it wasn't anyone close to me. Maybe it was just inevitable. Good Lord, what am I going to do?!_

The door knocked, and Isabel poked her head in. "_¿Qué te pasa, cariño?"_

"S-sorry. I..." Samantha shook her head. "I have to go. Can I pay you some other time for the food?"

"_Ay, no te preocupes._ _Si necesitas hablar, estoy aquí, ¿vale?"_

"Thank you!" Samantha gave her a kiss on either cheek to bid her goodbye. She raced back to her table to collect her things, shaking out her soup-covered book. Her white lab coat was speckled with food. Ignoring the other patrons, she hailed a Skycab and climbed inside, directing it back to her hotel. She pulled up her Omni-tool on the way, and sent Diana a message, asking her to meet her there.

#

"I saw it! I saw it!" Diana announced, squeezing past Samantha as soon as she opened the door to the suite. "There are already a few articles in the blogosphere, but they're no more than speculation at this time. What exactly did you say when the reporter called you?"

"I-I threatened to sue him!" Samantha shrieked. "What do you think I did? The bloody shit-head had actually had the balls to ring me on my Alliance number!"

"Shit," Diana sighed. "Reporters hate being threatened with an injunction. They're definitely going to print it now, statement or no. Did anyone follow you on the way over here?"

"N-Not that I know of!"

"See anyone taking photos? Anyone hovering around in the lobby, looking out of place?" Samantha shook her head. "Right now, the prime shot is going to be of your empty wedding-ring finger. That's the cred-maker, right there. Get a shot of that, and you'll never have to work another day in your life."

Samantha instinctively slipped her left hand into the pocket of her cotton slacks, away from Diana's stare. She sat down on the edge of her bed, holding her head with her free hand. "God, what am I going to do?"

"Let me handle it," Diana reassured. "It's not my first scandal, believe me. Have you heard anything from Shepard? They're probably trying to contact her as well."

"Nothing. I haven't spoken to her since... well, she drunk-dialled me, a few months ago. I don't even know where she is, or if she even remembers it." Samantha's heart ached as that particular notion sank in. "Do you think I should tell her this is all about to go public?"

"Er, _yeah!_ Not unless you want it to get landed on her in the same fashion you just found out. Shepard'll do more than threaten them with a subpoena. She's punched reporters before, you know."

Samantha shuddered. "Crap, you're right. I should at least try and contact her to tell her." She fought a bizarre urge to laugh then. "God help whichever reporter actually has the audacity to approach her about it."

"Her reputation won't stop them," Diana chuckled. "This is the big leagues, Sam. Every reporter from the highest paid to the lowest bottom-feeder is going to want coverage on this. She's an inter-galactic hero! And her love life has always been the main topic of discussion, even before she started dating you."

"Ugh, didn't you to come here to make me feel _better_?" Samantha groaned, massaging her churning stomach.

"No," Diana said bluntly. "Sorry, kid. But this is out there now. It was only a matter of time. All the old stories are going to be dragged up again. All the pictures. Shepard, and Kaidan. Shepard, and Liara. Shepard, and Aria. Shepard, and the Asari strip-"

"Alright! Alright! I get it!" Samantha cringed, trying not to picture Shepard and her former conquests. "Oh, crap!" She covered her mouth, as further realisation came to her. "My own relationship history is going to be brought up too, isn't it?"

Diana gave an exasperated laugh. "Samantha! Wake up! You need to get your ducks in a row. Speak to Ed. Make sure he doesn't give any interviews. And you know what you have to do now, right?"

"Do I?" Samantha was still caught up, thinking about her ex, Elena.

"Release an official statement," Diana said, as though it were obvious. She brought up her Omni-tool, activating her floating camera. "We're going to work on one right now, and release it immediately, before any of the tabloids can play games with the facts."

"What? I-I can't do that!" Samantha felt the world was crumbling around her.

"That's why you called me, Samantha," Diana reminded her. "I'm your publicist. And I've been in this job a long, long time. You have to trust me on this. I know what I'm doing."

Flustered, Samantha began pacing the hotel room. "Diana, I need to speak to Shepard. I can't make a statement without at least talking to her about it first. She also gets a say in how much we want to tell. I owe her that much. This is her life too."

"Fine. Go, call her."

"Now?!"

Diana rolled her eyes. "Time is of the essence here! What are you waiting for, the next Reaper invasion? Chop! Chop! We need to get this information out to the public as soon as possible. Go, call Shepard, and I'll get started on your statement."

"Don't I get a bit of privacy?" It was annoying her how excited Diana seemed about all this, but then again, it was the scoop she had been waiting for. She was, first and foremost, a reporter, and a passionate one at that.

_And I can't do this without her._

"Use the balcony," Diana said. "I need to get started in here."

Incensed, Samantha exited the room, and stood on the balcony. She leaned over the edge, feeling like her life wasn't her own anymore. _How the hell am I going to tell Shepard that our secret is finally out there? _Her heart broke the more she thought about her. She wanted nothing more than to have her here, right now, to guide her. _Shepard would know what to do. She always had a solution. _Aching with longing, Samantha brought up Shepard's frequency on her Omni-tool and pressed 'Call'.

The Comm line went dead.

Confused, Samantha tried again. _Same thing? Strange. _The only time a call couldn't be made on an Omni-tool was when someone had blocked the incoming transmission intentionally, or their Omni was encrypted to keep it private. Even then, there would have been an automated message letting the caller know that the transmission was being redirected. _But... nothing? _Samantha was baffled, which was saying a lot considering she was a Communications Specialist. It was as though Shepard's Omni- tool simply didn't exist anymore. _Impossible._

Suddenly, Samantha's Omni began to buzz with another incoming call. She recognised the frequency, and hastily answered it.

"Vega?"

"Hey, Tray. How's it going man?"

"Not good, James. Not good at all." She immediately explained the situation to him. "I was just in the middle of calling Shepard before you rang. What's happened to her Omni-tool? It's like it's broken or something. I can't even make a connection even though mine has a Quantum booster."

"They removed it," Vega said.

"What? Who did?"

"The doctors, before her last surgery."

"Doctors?" Samantha exclaimed. "Surgery?! What are you talking about, James? Is Shepard alright?"

Vega explained his decision to admit Shepard into hospital. Samantha slid down the side of the balcony rail, resting on the floor. The Lt-Commander's words overwhelmed her. "Oh, my God..."

"I know," Vega said. "Look, I'm sorry you had to find out like this. But that's not the worst part."

"It _isn't?_ My wife having life-changing surgery, and nobody telling me isn't the worst part of this bloody story?" Samantha asked incredulously. "Do I even want to know the rest?"

"No, but that's why I called." Vega seemed under a great deal of stress. His voice had none of its usual charm or playfulness. He was scrambling, as though in a hurry. Command didn't seem to suit him as much as being an executive. "Sam, I've just found out that Shepard escaped from Huerta Memorial two days ago."

"Escaped?" Samantha couldn't make head nor tails of his story. _Was she being held there against her will?_

"She didn't want to be admitted in the first place," Vega sighed, answering Samantha's unasked question. "But Dr Michel was worried for her safety, so I... made the decision to take Shepard off the mission, and ordered her to a treatment facility for her implants."

"You what?!"

"I promised her I was going to find Liara and Legion myself, reassured her so she'd stay behind. She gave me some pointers on how to find the dog."

"Legion's missing too?" Samantha didn't think she could take anymore bad new this day. "Jesus Christ, Vega. It sounds like a bigger shit-show up there than down here. Are you telling me you've just lost my entire family?" Her heart was torn for both of them.

"Shepard told me to call you to get Legion's registration number so that we could track her location. That's why I'm calling. I think if we trace it, it will lead us directly to both of them."

"Why wouldn't she just give it to you herself?"

"Huh?"

Samantha's brow creased in confusion. "James, Shepard knows the registration number herself. We were both there when Legion was chipped."

"Son of a...!" A thud sounded on Vega's side of the call, like he had just punched a wall. "And Shepard strikes again."

Samantha allowed herself a small chuckle then as the stress became too much, and humour came to her rescue. "Still a bloody menace." She laughed to herself, shaking her head. "She tracked the dog behind your back, while you were running around chasing your tail, didn't she?"

"Looks like it."

Both of them laughed, despite the seriousness of the situation.

"Oh, Shepard," Samantha sighed, ever amused at the Commander's never-say-die attitude.

"Well, I suppose I shouldn't feel too embarrassed. She outsmarted the Reapers too," James said, giving an exasperated chuckle. "Fuck..." He grew serious again then, as the realness of the situation took hold. "She played me. She knew I wasn't going to let her continue the mission after we infiltrated Amanda's ship. How the hell did I miss it?"

"Amanda's wrapped up in all this too?"

"She was. I think she's in danger herself now though. Honestly, Tray, shit is fucked up!"

"Well, I've just sent you Legion's tracking number, so hopefully it will help you catch up to Shepard before she gets herself killed." Samantha closed the interface. "Pass it along to EDI. I'm sure she'll be able to extract it from the registry and track down their location."

"Thanks. Done." Vega exhaled over the line. "EDI's received the data. Guess there's nothing else to do but sit and wait now. The Blue Sun's lead came up empty. Tracking Legion is our only hope of finding everyone alive."

"The Normandy crew coming up against all odds? Where have I heard that one before?" Samantha smiled. She heard the same strain on James's voice that she was so used to hearing from Shepard. "You're doing fine, Vega. And that's me speaking from experience."

"Am I? Shepard's gone AWOL, with only half of her surgeries complete, and Grunt and Kasumi have been detained by the Alliance in the process. I've only got Garrus and Zaeed to go in once we find her. _Mierda, _this whole fucking thing is just one big train wreck! I thought if I took her off the mission, that she'd just go back to Earth and you two could... work things out."

"James..."

"I'm sorry, man. Look, I know it's none of my business, but... she misses the hell out of you."

"I know." Samantha filled James in on the drunken call Shepard had made to her, making him laugh. "I actually sang her to sleep over the Comm line. That damned Periodic Table song again! What is it about that song that always knocks her out?"

"Oh, that's what she was humming on our last mission! I knew I'd heard it before. You used to sing it in the CIC while you worked, didn't you?" He and Samantha giggled. "She still has absolutely no memory of calling you that night, you know. Esteban's cheap tequila strikes again!"

"She doesn't have as much of a tolerance for it as she used to," Samantha said. "Shepard spent years on the wagon before... before things got messy between us."

Vega felt her pain. "I know. I'm sorry, Sam. I didn't mean to interfere, man. But you two are my best friends. I'm not taking sides or anything, but... I just want you to be happy. And Shepard isn't. You killed her sending those divorce papers."

Samantha laid her head back against the balcony, staring up at the sky. "It killed _me _to do it." She sighed. "I know you were only trying to help, James. And I appreciate it... But you made the same mistake I did."

"Huh?"

"You were doing what you thought was best for her. Like I was... And you know what? We were both wrong. Rather than trying to tell her what's good for her, we should have just listened to what Shepard actually wanted, and put our concerns for her safety aside."

"But she's out of control, Samantha."

"Was she ever not?"

"Not like this. I saw her fucking shoulder poke through her skin! And she just popped it back in like it was nothing and laughed it off with a joke. She's _loca!_"

"I know," Samantha actually found the strength to laugh again. "She always has been."

"I suppose."

"Then do me a favour, Lieutenant-Commander. Stop worrying. Stop fretting. Stop wallowing in self-pity down this Comm line to me, and get your butt after her! Support her like you've always done. Go bring Liara and Legion home." Samantha sighed then. "Don't make the same mistake I did by walking out on her when she needs you most."

"Sam..." Vega wasn't oblivious to the longing in her voice.

"Just go," Samantha encouraged. "Find her, James. Bring her back."

Vega took a deep breath and pulled himself together. "I will, I promise. Look, EDI's got something. I'll be in touch, alright? See ya, Tray. And, hey... thanks."

"Anytime. Be careful, alright?"

"Always. _Adiós... _Nerd."

Samantha chuckled as the Comm line went dead. _God, it was good to hear his voice again. The strain of command is definitely getting to him though. And Shepard's running rings around him. _Samantha's amusement was short-lived, as worry set in again. _Where are you, darling? What the hell are you playing at? _She tried Shepard's Omni-tool again, half-heartedly this time. The Comm line didn't connect. Remembering her own crisis, she pushed her fears over Shepard and Legion to the back of her mind. _Come on, girl. You can do this. _There was no use giving her friend advice, without taking it herself. Pulling herself together, Samantha re-entered the hotel suite.

Diana was finishing calibrating her floating camera. "You ready for this?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," Samantha said. "Is this my statement?" She picked up the datapad that Diana had been working on while she was talking to Vega.

"Yep. Short and sweet. Just confirms the end of your relationship, the request for privacy after such a difficult time... blah, blah, blah. And then confirmation that your last speech will be going ahead as planned."

"Will it?" Samantha asked. "Won't everyone think I'm a fraud now?"

"In fact, with this coming out, your ratings will go through the roof," Diana grinned. "Everyone loves a good scandal. They'll want to hear what happened between you and the galaxy's biggest hero. Give them nothing in this first statement. Keep them on a string. Just say that the relationship broke down, but that you remain on good terms. That you still love and respect her, and that is why you will be giving your last speech in three weeks at the University. Are you alright with saying that?"

"Yes. I... suppose."

"Good. Camera's ready to roll. You ready?"

"Ok." Samantha took a deep breath and stood in front of the screen that Diana had erected to block out the hotel room background. "Let's do this."

#

**Two Days Previous – Citadel – Huerta Memorial – 4:00pm**

"Are you two serious? This is not going to fucking work."

Drunken giggling made Shepard turn back to Grunt and Kasumi who were watching her getting ready. The Krogan was stretched out on the hospital bed, with Kasumi curled into him, tittering away as she hugged the litre bottle of whiskey upright that they'd been sharing over the past hour and a half.

"Come on, Shep. We're on a schedule here!" Kasumi sniggered, tapping her Omni's time signature. "Liara, could be dying. Or dead. Or-Hey, a Credit!" She rolled onto the floor in an inebriated heap to pick it up, sending Grunt and Shepard into further giggles at the state of her.

"I knooooww!" Shepard slurred. "I'm hurrying!" Her grey wig became dislodged, and she pulled it out of her eyes. "And what do you mean 'on a schedule'?" she repeated, pulling an old fashioned dress down over her hospital gown then. "Didn't we just drunkenly concoct this plan five seconds ago? Can't believe I actually let you talk me into this."

"We've no other choice. Mercs are on their way to get you, Shepard."

"What else is new? And to think I only invited you here for a quiet drink."

"Never works out that way," Kasumi grinned. "A disguise is the best thing to get you out of here on the down-low. You don't want to be put under Alliance Protection, do you?"

"No way. Not in the slightest. It's bad enough that they're camped outside in the hallway as we speak. And why were you just carrying all this random shit around?"

Kasumi shrugged, admiring the blue and green flowery dress that a now grey-haired, drunken Shepard was trying to fit into. "Never know what you might need."

"And you didn't take much convincing," Grunt hiccupped. "Besides, you said it yourself. We need to go after Liara, and you finally have a lead worth following."

"And she's here on the Citadel. At least Legion is anyway, but Liara's gotta be with her." Shepard couldn't get her head around it. _This whole time..._ "Oh, why couldn't it have come in two hours ago when we were fucking sober? I'm on a strong cocktail of drugs and spirits here." She grunted, trying to put her legs into the panty-hoes while standing up. The room was spinning, but her drive to rescue Liara out-weighed everything else. _Won't be the first time I've fought drunk. _"Tell me again why this disguise is necessary?"

"Because the Alliance soldiers outside are under orders to keep you here for your own safety," Kasumi said, rolling away under the bed so that she was out of sight. "Hackett's sent his best and brightest. That means, no tech. No stealth. No hoodwinking. No flimflams. No being chased down the hallways like before, flashing the local residents."

"Bastards... Made it all the way to the front door before that Asari Nurse warped me into the air in a Biotic ballsack," Shepard sighed. "Still, she didn't have to spin me upside-down so the whole hospital saw my ass under my gown."

The other two laughed. "This disguise is the only thing that's going to get you out past them before the Eclipse get here," Kasumi continued. "It's so primitive that it's smart. Trust me."

"Couldn't I just abseil down the side of the building like Grunt did?"

"Oh, hurry up, Shepard!" Grunt growled, springing off the bed, about to go full Berserker. "We haven't got all day. That tip you just got changes by the second and it's fried what remains of your Omni-tool."

"I know! I know! Just... can't... get! ARGHH!" Shepard stumbled backwards onto the floor, and her toe went right through the leg of the panty-hoes, tearing a hole down the seam. "Shit!" She clutched her arm as her new shoulder implant burned through the drugs in her system, reminding her of just how broken she still was. The medical machines she was still connected to began to bleep loudly. "Help me up. Quick! There's a doctor looking in the window."

Kasumi lifted her to her feet and hid her from view. They stared down at the torn panty-hoes. "Well, there goes that plan. Come on, Shep. You're going bare-legged now. We don't have time to better the disguise." Kasumi fixed the silvery perm on her head and straightened her knee-length dress. "Remember, lean on me for support. Act old and... well, you're already fragile."

"Fuck you!"

"We'll get you as close to the door as possible and stick you in the elevator. If they spot us, we'll deal with them, ok? Be a pity if we can't all go. But you just go get Liara without us if that's the case."

"And where are my weapons and armour in case you two don't make it out?" Shepard asked, as Grunt stood in front of her, ready to open the door and lead the escape plan.

"There's a statue of a familiar Turian on Silversun Strip," Kasumi said. "I've sent a message ahead to an acquaintance to stash them inside of his base."

"Just like old times?" Shepard smirked.

Kasumi grinned. "Not exactly. The statue is of Garrus this time, not Saren." Shepard made a questioning face. "I lost a bet with him. Long story. Quick! Let's get you free of your leashes." She ran to the bed and made a quick fake body with the pillows. Shepard was awed as she then sent a hack to the medical equipment, making sure it didn't malfunction as she removed the tubes connected to her. Shepard took a few sharp intakes of breath as she was freed from each one in a string of blood and two-inch needles.

"Ahh!" _That hurt a lot worse than I thought. _"What about my Omni-tool?" She asked, rubbing her arm. "Any way to get in back in?"

"Not now. We don't have time," Kasumi said, picking up the tiny micro-chip on the bedside cabinet and pocketing it. "I'll keep it safe for now. Good thing you got Legion's tracking ID from it before the Doctors removed it."

"I know. A few hours later and we might not have gotten a location at all. Oh. One more thing." Shepard opened the top drawer and took Samantha's dog-tags, throwing them around her neck, tucking them under her geriatric dress. They dangled alongside her temporary pacemaker. She took one last swig of whiskey for luck. _And to numb just how much this is all going to fucking hurt. _"Ok. We should go. We've wasted enough time. Time to test out this shitty disguise on the catwalk."

On the count of three, Grunt pressed the door of the ward, and it opened. He checked for Alliance marines, and, seeing none, ushered the other two out in formation. Once he had locked the door behind them, he led the way down the deserted corridor and into the packed foyer. They heard the nearby moaning of long-term patients, some calling for relief, others snoring in their beds. Keeping her head down, Shepard grasped Kasumi's arm, doing her best to appear hunched over and wizened. Her palm was sweating on the thief's armour, so much so that she had to readjust. A sharp twinge shot through her arm as she flexed her fingers, sending her into another dizzy spell.

_Come on. I can do this. Eclipse are coming for a fight, and Liara and Legion need me. Come on!_

Various nurses by the reception desk eyed their party suspiciously, beginning to whisper amongst themselves.

"Excuse me, Ms?" One of them made her way out from behind the desk, staring at old lady Shepard. "Ms?"

Kasumi met Shepard's eyes, both of them knowing what was coming. "NOW!"

Everything happened at once. Kasumi yelled, shoving Shepard into the elevator, just as Alliance marines appeared through the crowd, their weapons trained on her and Grunt. Just before the doors closed, Shepard saw them surrender. She got to her feet, hammering the button for the Presidium frantically as though it would speed up the process. She dragged off her grey wig and dress, revealing her sky-blue hospital get-up. Spots of blood were already showing through it from the needle wounds in her arms, and burst stitches from the four surgeries she'd already had. The elevator was taking her the longest route, but that was what she wanted, giving her enough time to escape through the roof.

_Eclipse will be waiting for me on the streets._

Shepard heaved herself up into the dark shaft, as the elevator trickled downwards, before lunging across on top of the next one that was beginning to travel upwards, much like she had during the Reaper War while chasing Cerberus. _Before I killed Kaidan...Oo, don't open that door. _Shuddering at the memory, she listened to Eclipse infiltrate the elevator she had just been in, hearing their shouts and yells.

"We've lost her. What now?"

"Check the shaft. Shepard's a crafty one. She's here somewhere."

Shepard cursed inwardly. _Now, for the next part of my plan. _Wrapping the hospital gown tighter around her, she sized the leap from her moving platform into an upcoming air vent. _Time to see how much this new shoulder implant of mine works. _Without hesitation for her safety, Shepard dived off the elevator before it reached the top, catching her arms in the vent. Bullets ricocheted around her from Eclipse guns below. Wedging her elbows at the sides, she heaved herself up into it.

_Holy mother of... _"FUCKKKK!" she couldn't hold in the swear word, which reverberated around her metallic surroundings. The pain was excruciating. The same word fell out of every breath she took, as she shimmied into the opening and crawled along, away from the mercs, heading in the direction she knew was Silversun Strip.

As she dragged herself along, her thoughts strayed, as though her mind was attempting to distract her from the ongoing agony. She thought of Vega, chasing a lead with the Blue Suns on the Normandy. _Wish I would call him. Could really do with his help. _She felt guilty for deceiving him, but saw it as payback for him trying to bench her. _The student isn't quite the master yet._ Her bones creaked in protest, as though supporting Vega's decision. _No. I'll rest when Liara and Legion are safe._

She glanced at the scar on her left forearm where her microchip once rested. _Somehow I think that doctor was a part of all this. Bet he was working for Eclipse; or at least paid off by them. I just don't buy that Miranda couldn't make it. Hope nothing bad has happened to her... _Now that she thought of it, Shepard had never heard of an Omni-tool chip counteracting with modern-day implants, but she wasn't as tech-minded as some of her friends. _Or my ex-wife._

Again, Shepard thought of Samantha. She hadn't stopped thinking about her since she'd been in hospital. She couldn't help but overplay the image of Samantha sobbing into Diana Aller's shoulder in the Vid, after the end of her last speech. _Are they dating? Are they more than just famed professional and publicist? _Shepard shook the unexpected surge of jealousy from her mind. _Like I have a leg to stand on in that department. _She wished Samantha had of just came with her in the beginning of all this. _Then I wouldn't be wifeless, half-naked, and crawling around this vent, without the means to contact anyone. If ever a situation called for a Comm Specialist, this is fucking it._

Her frustrations taking over, Shepard punched out the grate on the other side of the duct, having finally reached the end. Checking the coast was clear, she lowered herself onto the roof of a casino. The drop jiggled her stomach contents, enveloping her in a spiral of nausea. Taking a time out, she quickly hunched over the edge, vomiting down the side of the building, and onto an unfortunate partier's head below.

"HEY!" the appalled woman shrieked in disgust. She looked up, her beautiful hairdo and silk dress now dripping in a regurgitated mess.

"Oh. Shit!" Shepard pulled away from the edge, fighting the urge to laugh. _Really shouldn't have had that whiskey. Damn you, Grunt._

She made her way along the roof, away from the crying woman. The lights below brought back fond memories for her, recalling the last time she had been here during the war. _It's a little different now though obviously. _Wiping her mouth, she eyed the road below that led to the old apartment which Admiral Anderson had once bestowed upon her. _It's been an age since I've been there. Wonder if it's even still standing._

Remembering Liara and Legion, Shepard dragged herself out of her memories, and scanned the busy streets of Silversun Strip below for the statue Kasumi had planted. Her body creaked, despite the fact that her new implants rendered her old ones obsolete. She felt uneven, like the old was clashing with the new inside of her. She knew once she got into her armour though, that it would act as a protective exoskeleton to keep her going.

_Come on! Where are you? Where are you?_

It wasn't long before she spotted the oversized, but familiar silhouette of her favourite Turian. Commander Shepard's lips curled into a smile.

"Everyone thinks I'm a renegade?" she joked. "Time to show them just how fucking renegade I can be."


	9. Chapter 9

The lower streets of Silversun Strip were as shady as the characters residing there. Gambling addicts in debt, junkies of every kind, and Red Sand dealers lined each nook and cranny that Shepard passed on her way to meet her informant. She touched the handle of her pistol, ready to use it if necessary, but rather than entice the gangs, the N7 on her breastplate seemed to deter them.

_Doubt anyone here is oblivious to who I am. What was it my mother said about the 'Shepard' name not holding the same weight? Shows what she knows._

Despite her confidence, Shepard was wary of the fact that she had absolutely no back-up, or even a means to call for some if shit hit the fan. It reminded her of her N7 training all those years ago, when she was thrust into the most challenging scenarios with only select pieces of equipment, and expected to overcome. That kind of training never left. It was always there, buried beneath the surface, ready to be deployed in place of the fear that would engulf normal people. But Commander Shepard wasn't a normal person. She had always been ten steps ahead of the rest. Now, it was time again for her to prove it, despite feeling dead on her feet.

She pulled back a sheet of steel, which acted as a makeshift door into the depths of the underworld. Here, her scars and fiery red hair didn't stand out quite as much. Batarian metal blasted from the nearby tech stores. Modded Aliens of every race sauntered by, as the Citadel's black market flaunted its wares. The underworld was pumping with action. Vorcha snarled at her as she passed, some sniffing her flesh as though they desired nothing more than to take a chunk out of it. There were so many people here that a thin layer of sweat soon broke out across Shepard's skin. The heat was stifling, blasting from nearby machinery and the under-workings of the Citadel's foundations. She was distracted momentarily by an Asari hooker, who brushed a hand across her chest as she passed. Shepard raised an eyebrow, giving her a long, lingering stare. The Asari smiled seductively, then rounded the corner with her peers, out of sight.

_But not out of mind. _Refocusing, Shepard took up a seat at the bar of Skullduggery Watering-hole.

"What can I getcha?" the Turian bartender asked, flexing his muscles as though daring her to ask for something extravagant. The bar was filthy, but Shepard was in dire need of a painkiller.

"Double whiskey. Straight up."

"Scotch?"

Shepard shook her head. "Irish kind if you have it."

The Turian gave her a nod and turned away, preparing the beverage in a dusty glass. Waiting, Shepard took a look around, scouting, trying to spot signs of the anonymous contact that had sent her this location with claims of Liara's whereabouts. _This place reminds me of Chora's Den. But scummier. _Legion's registration had also pinged in this general area, so she knew the lead was a legit opportunity to find them both and end this whole mess.

The Vid screen overhead was playing Galactic news, with a well-known reporter talking directly into the camera. Shepard was about to continue scouring the bar, when her own name caught her attention. She refocused back on the report, straining to hear it over the industrial metal music of the nightclub.

"You got subtitles?" she asked the Turian. He didn't answer, but slammed the whiskey down on the counter, then lazily flicked his Omni. The writing appeared across the screen.

"Thanks." Shepard strained her eyes to read:

"_...has been reported that Commander Shepard and her wife are estranged, with Shepard having been thought responsible for altercations that led to the divorce. Several reports indicate that the relationship became an abusive one, as photographs emerged of Specialist Samantha Shepard with bruising under her left eye—"_

"What?!" Shepard spat her whiskey everywhere. An image of Samantha last year, leaving their home on the Seychelles at night with a bruise under her eye, was plastered across the screen then, as the reporter continued to analyse it.

"_...you can clearly see the distress on Mrs Shepard's face as she leaves their home, reportedly to visit a mutual friend, Dr Karin Chakwas, esteemed medic of the Systems Alliance, and retired veteran of the Reaper War..."_

Shepard clenched her glass so hard it exploded. A group of Vorcha, and a sketchy human male beside her found this hilarious. They laughed mockingly as she mopped herself off, drenched in the glass' contents. The Turian bartender glared as he wiped up the mess.

"You here to cause trouble?" he grumbled. "Like I ain't got enough shit to do!"

"Sorry," Shepard replied through gritted teeth. "Give me another."

"You'll have to wait. I'm on my break!" He walked away, leaving her seething after him.

"I didn't think you'd show."

A chill shot through Commander Shepard at the familiar voice behind her. She didn't turn, but waited for the speaker to take up the stool alongside hers. Only then did she greet them.

"I might have known it'd be you. Thought you'd got spaced last time we met."

Jona Sederis laughed, flinging back her magnificent tentacled head. "You can't get rid of me that easily, or didn't you learn anything during the war?"

"Oh, I'm catching on pretty quick," Shepard seethed. She tensed, feeling the barrel of Sederis' gun poking into her side.

"Get up, slowly, Commander. And walk to where I tell you."

Shepard smirked. "Or no one gets hurt, right?"

"Don't remember ever promising that," Sederis sneered.

Reluctantly, Shepard got to her feet. She thought for a fleeting moment of drawing her weapon, but what good would it do? _I need her to take me to Liara. This is the only way. _Sederis pressed herself up behind her like there were simple lovers, out for a daytime stroll. Shepard pursed her lips, and glanced around, as though expecting to see some reporters taking snaps of yet another Asari dalliance. _Those fuckers are determined to bury me now._

"I'd ask why you're doing this, but I guess your answer has too much crazy in it for me to comprehend," she said, chatting to Sederis, even though she couldn't actually see her. She felt the woman squeeze her side, making her take a right at the crossroads.

"I have my reasons," Sederis snarled in her ear. "Not that I'm willing to share them with you. You may be good at sweet talking others of my kind, but I'm not attracted to you, Commander. I simply want your head."

"That's what the others got too," Shepard joked, seeing the double-entendre. She heard Sederis laugh behind her.

"You've got spunk, Shepard, I'll give you that. But nothing you have between your legs turns me on. You little girlfriend T'Soni will be so happy to see you though. I expect she's just _dying_ to meet you."

Something about the word 'dying' made Shepard's skin crawl. She swallowed her dread, as Sederis guided her hips down another road, past a garage full of boosted Skycars. Once they were out of view of the public, all pretence was dropped. Sederis shoved her with the pistol barrel, and released her grip.

"Hands up, Commander! Right where I can see them. I don't want any more heroics out of you."

Shepard obliged, touching the sky. "Can't make any promises, Sederis. Comes with the job."

"Get your hands up!" Sederis ordered, as Shepard's right arm dropped a little.

"They're up! I can't raise it any higher than that," Shepard argued. _I'm actually telling her the truth. _The lunge from the elevators earlier and dragging herself though that vent had really done a number on her. The alcohol was wearing off now, and pain was seeping deep into her every orifice.

"I mean it," Sederis said, prodding her in the back with her gun again. "No funny business."

"Where are you taking me?" Shepard asked, as everything went dark. Sederis snatched her N7 pistol from her waist then, pointing both guns at her. The assault rifle folded on Shepard's back was all she had left. She followed the path down a tunnel that reminded her of Omega's underbelly.

"You'll see." Sederis shoved her again. "I'm going to enjoy watching you squirm. I do like to play with my food before I eat it."

"Eat?" Shepard grinned. "And I thought you said you were immune to my charms. Eating out is a specialty of mine."

Sederis grumbled, evidently annoyed at how calm Shepard seemed to be. Her constant jokes were getting dangerously close to pushing her over the edge. "Just shut up, and keep walking," she drawled. "You're going to fetch me a pretty price. I'd hate to kill you before the Benefactor gets here, but if the situation calls for it, I will."

"Who is this 'Benefactor' you keep referring to?"

"I wouldn't be too eager to meet him, were I you. Now shut your face."

Shepard stumbled, as Sederis whacked her across the back of the head with her own gun. _Fucking bitch! _Enraged, Shepard focused on the crumbling tunnel, trying not to step on varen carcasses that began to litter the way. A foul smell assaulted her nostrils. The blood was running out of her arms, giving her pins and needles. She rested her hands on her head before they fell limp, inviting a bullet in the back. She could feel warm wetness seeping down her ribs underneath her armour, on the right side of her body where her new Synthetic implants were located. The light-headedness she was feeling had nothing to do with Sederis' constant blows to the head.

_I'm losing blood. _Fighting to stay focused, she continued talking. "Don't suppose you have a glass of water handy?"

"I'll get you one when we reach the base, provided you do as I say. Can't have you passing out on me just yet. The Benefactor needs to see you're alive. And I'm sure he'll have questions to make sure you're really you."

"A pop-quiz?" Shepard rolled her heavy eyes. "Great. That's all I fucking need."

"You're about to experience what you left me to rot in all those years ago, Shepard. You should have freed me from that wretched C-Sec cell when Aria wanted you to. It's dangerous having me as your enemy."

"I've faced worse than you, Sederis. You'll have to do better than this to scare me."

As soon as Shepard uttered the words, she wished she hadn't. They finally came to a clearing, in an underground base. Legion's barks attracted her attention, and her heart lifted at the sight of her beloved dog, caged like a science project. Parallel to the Legion's cage lay another, with Amanda, slumped out-cold against the side. And next to hers was-

"LIARA!" Shepard ran from Sederis and fell to her knees, in front of the metal bars of Liara's cage. "What have you done to her?!" Liara's white lab coat was almost black with dirt and purple blood. Months' worth of filth which had accumulated on it. She looked incredibly thin, even for an Asari. Shepard's heart shattered at the sight of her. She reached through the bars, touching Liara's pale blue cheek which was blood-encrusted and bruised. She was cold. "Liara, wake up. It's me, Shepard!"

"She can't hear you," Sederis said. "Poor Liara hasn't been eating properly. I think she thought you'd abandoned her, Shepard. I suppose this is what letting down a friend looks like. I wouldn't know."

"I didn't let her down!" Shepard snapped. She traced Liara's icy cheek with her thumb, then lowered her head gently, back onto the floor of her cage. Remembering her assault rifle still on her back, she reached for it then, and spun around to take aim. Before she could, Sederis warped her into a Singularity, lifting her off her feet and slamming her back into the cavernous walls of the hideout. Shepard felt her rifle leave her hands, and landed heavily on her shoulder, yelping in pain. Legion's barks roused her, and she made to get up again, only to be Bioti-kicked in her midsection by the Asari's boot.

"Is that it?" Sederis taunted, approaching her once more. "Is that all the mighty Commander Shepard has left to give?" She kicked her in the gut repeatedly, and Shepard spat blood over the ground. "I'm disappointed. I guess this won't be the legendary battle I've always dreamed of. Time to find you your own cell so we can get this deal done!"

Shepard fought with what little she had left, swinging punch after punch at Sederis' armour, but to no avail. The Asari grabbed her ankle, dragging her over to an empty cage that was to be her fate. _Oh, hell no!_ With every reserve in her power, Shepard hammered her fist down upon Sederis' grip, breaking free from her for a second. This was all she needed. She bounded to her feet, and shoulder-tackled Sederis to the floor, and a scuffle eschewed, both of them rolling around the ruins. Sederis tried to re-conjure her Biotics, but they hadn't yet cooled down. Shepard knew once they came back up and running, she was screwed. She gave Sederis one last punch, then lunged across the ground for her N7 pistol that had clattered away over the rocks. Having been unequipped herself, Sederis dived after her.

"Oh, no you don't!" She snarled, pinning Shepard's hand to the floor. "You... are... mine!"

"Fuck you!" Shepard growled, twisting under Sederis' weight and grabbing her by the throat. She slammed the Asari's head off the concrete, hoping to render her unconscious. Unfortunately, it only dazed her. Sederis knew that once Shepard got her hands on another weapon, she didn't stand much of a chance. Seeing Shepard's fingers close around the pistol and take aim at her head, she cast a Biotic barrier between them, and ran to safety.

"DAMN YOU!"

"THAT'S RIGHT! RUN YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Shepard fired off round after round, breaking down the barrier. Her last shot managed to break through and catch Sederis through the back. She heard her cry before falling out of sight.

Shepard pushed herself to her feet, stumbling after her away from the prisoners. She got to the spot where Sederis had fallen, but the Asari Commando was nowhere to be found. A huge plummet almost claimed her, and she checked her run, casting a few pebbles down into the abyss. _Where are you, motherfucker? _Shepard aimed left and right, checking behind discarded chunks of scrap metal. Sederis seemed to have brought her into the collapsed foundations of an old establishment damaged decades ago in the Crucible blast. Speckles of purple blood dotted the ground. She followed it, hoping to finish the job. Seeing that it led back up from where they came, she decided Sederis could wait.

_I'm here to save Liara._

Shepard gave up the chase, and raced back to the clearing when Legion was still barking animatedly.

"Hey, girl!" She shot open the lock on her cage, and the dog bounded out. Legion jumped up on her, barks turning to emotional yelps, tail wagging magnificently. Shepard smiled, bending down to receive a frantic lick to the face, and to tickle behind her ears. She then turned to Liara's cage, breaking it open.

"Ain't you gonna free me too, kiddo?" Amanda had awoken in her absence. She laughed through her injuries, and watched Shepard carefully pull Liara from her nightmare.

"Still debating that," Shepard said, without so much as a glance in her direction. She only had eyes for Liara. "What did they do to her?"

"Experimented on her, I think. I saw some Salarian doctors poking at her, attaching her brain up to some weird looking machines."

"Experimented?" Shepard gasped. "Who the fuck are these people? What do they want with us?"

"With you," Amanda corrected. "You're the only one they want, Hayls. So do your old Momma a favour and open the cage, huh? My back's fucking killing me."

Reluctantly, Shepard shot open the lock, and her mother let herself out. Shepard then turned to Legion, rubbing a bit of Sederis' blood onto her snout. "You smell that, girl?" Legion barked in response. "Track her down. Go!" Legion set off on a run, tracking Sederis' location back up the tunnel that led to the black markets.

"She...ard..."

"Liara!" Shepard exclaimed, seeing her eyes open at last. She had never been so relieved. "You're ok! I've got you."

Liara's weak, shaking hand touched Shepard's face in disbelief. She smiled up at her, concluding that she was real. "You came," she breathed, tears building in her bloodshot eyes. "You came..."

"Of course I did," Shepard grinned, squeezing her fingers in reassurance. "Can you walk?"

"I can try," Liara breathed. "I may need... assistance."

"Come on. I've got you. We need to get out of here," Shepard said, sitting her upright. "The Benefactor's on his way, and we're not in any condition to fight whoever it is."

"Well, ain't that the fucking truth?" Amanda's voice sounded behind her. Shepard's blood ran cold. Slowly, she turned, finding herself staring down the barrel of her own gun.

"What the fuck are you doing, Mom?"

"Mom?" Amanda snorted. "Bit late to start calling me that, kiddo. You always were too forgiving for your own good. Like your dad in that regards."

"Give me my gun," Shepard snarled. "I just saved your fucking life, even after you betrayed me again. I should have just killed you when I had the chance."

"Kill me? You couldn't, even if you wanted to. Otherwise, you wouldn't have let me live all these years."

"How... can you... do this?" Liara mumbled weakly. "She is... your daughter!"

"And that's supposed to mean something?" Amanda sneered down at them both. Her eyes met her Shepard's flaring orange ones. "There's nothing much Organic left in you to even be classed as my daughter now. You're almost entirely Synthetic, or will be eventually. No better than a God-dammed Geth, or a Reaper. May as well cash in on you while I have the chance. The Benefactor will reward me big time for handing you over."

Shepard removed herself from Liara's clutches, and got to her feet, standing in front of her protectively. She stared into her mother's cold, calculated features. The gun was the only thing between them, hovering just below eye level.

"So do it," Shepard said, walking into the barrel until it pressed up against the breastplate of her armour. "Kill me why don't you?"

"Don't tempt me, Hayley!"

"No, you think it's so easy to kill off all that remains of your family? Then show me how it's done, Amanda," Shepard continued. "Prove just how notorious you are! Prove to me that everything I ever thought about you was fucking right!"

Amanda readjusted the pistol, so that it was now pointing at Shepard's forehead. "What, you think I won't?" Her hand shuddered on the hilt. "You've been a pain in my ass since day one, kid. Time for you to die. You'll be with your dear old Dad soon."

"Amanda-" Shepard's words were interrupted. The coil of the pistol creaked as Amanda's finger tightened on it in threat. "Do it," she said then, closing her eyes. She could focus on nothing else but the heat of the barrel pressing between her brows. "You know I'll never let you take me alive. But even dead, I'm just as valuable."

"Hey, that was my reasoning too. Sayonara, kiddo. Momma's gotta run."

Shepard's immediately thought of Samantha, of all their happy times. She thought of Legion. She thought of Vega, of having never patched things up with him. She thought of Liara, crouched behind her, too weak to help her. She wasn't going to die for nothing though. It was a shit way to go, but being popped in the forehead by her own mother was one of the ways she had envisioned it going all down, when the end finally came. _And I'd been so close to saving the day again too. _She thought of her fallen comrades. Of Anderson. Of Kaidan. Of Legion, and Mordin. Of her father. At least there would be friendly faces to greet her on the other side.

She heard the click of a trigger; the jut of the recoil as the barrel jerked against her head. The sound was deafening, as the bullet ripped through her skull. She was still on her feet. For too long. _Much too long..._

Shepard heard something fall nearby, and realised she could open her eyes. The gun was no longer pointed at her face. Amanda was lying on her back, a fountain of red gurgling from her heart as it exploded over her leathers. Shepard turned back, seeing Liara lying a short ways off, aiming the smoking pistol that had been previously dropped by Sederis.

"Goddess..." Liara stared at the Commander's mother, who was struggling to breathe her last, choking on her own blood. The pistol fell from her hands, and she lay frozen with shock at what she had done. Shepard rushed to Amanda, falling to her knees beside her. With shaking hands, she raised her head onto her lap, confused over what emotion to feel as she stared down at the woman who had given her life and not much else.

"Kid," Amanda gurgled. Shepard wiped away the blood dribbling out the corner of her mouth, brushing her hand through her silver hair. "I'm... s-sorry... n-never loved you... way I should have."

Shepard's amber eyes flooded with unexpected tears. She didn't have a response. She simply watched as the light left those black-ringed eyes of her mother. They glazed over, signifying the end. The end of it all. The end of a lifetime of dislike. _A lifetime of defiance and deceit._

Shepard clenched her jaw. A tear rushed down her face, as though eager to escape before she neutralised it. She clutched the leather vest that her mother always wore, as she fought to hold herself together. Her eyes darted across the numerous tattoos covering Amanda's arms and chest, the nicotine in her fingernails as she touched her hand. A pack of her favourite brand of cigarettes was soaked in blood beside her. Shepard wasn't sure how to feel. Her body seemed to be reacting in ways that made no sense to her.

It wasn't until Liara touched her shoulder that she broke free from her state of melancholy. "Shepard?" Liara whispered. "We need to leave. They're coming."

Shepard reached back and squeezed Liara's hand signifying that she had heard her. She took one last look at her mother, then slid out from under her, letting her head rest on the ground. A river of blood had accumulated around her, seeping out with each passing second. Collecting her pistol, Shepard turned away, wrapping a supportive arm under Liara, who looked positively dead on her feet. Neither of them spoke on their way out of the lair. It felt like an age by the time they reached the market. Legion darted back to them, with no trace of Sederis left to follow.

When they reached the fancy upper levels of Silversun Strip, Liara could go no further. Feeling her strength waning too, Shepard lowered her onto a nearby bench under the casino lights. It was strange. She had thought after all this time searching for her, after unintentionally sabotaging her marriage to find her, that she would feel some sense of thankfulness to have achieved it. But the only thing she felt in that moment was torment. The hollow gunshot of Sederis' gun, the sight of it in Liara's hands, played over and over in her head. She couldn't un-see her mother choking on her own blood.

_A horrible way to go._

"Shepard?" Liara prompted again, her head resting on the Commander's shoulder. "I... don't know what to say."

Shepard wiped her still-leaking eyes, wondering why she was even crying. _I hated my mother. What does this even mean? _Passers-by, who had no idea what had just occurred, were giving her weird looks. Shepard hugged her arm around Liara's body. "It's good to have you back," was all she could manage.

Liara raised her head. She leaned in, placing a kiss on Shepard's wet cheek. "Thank you," she breathed, cupping her face in her hands. Shepard's lost eyes reluctantly stared back into hers. _I'd forgotten just how blue they were. _Before either of them knew it, their lips met in a slow, lingering kiss. It was the only way that made sense, putting the right amount of affection into their reunion. It was a kiss that portrayed their relief at finding each other alive, after overcoming such horrific events. A kiss that defined the moment from they had first met, right up until their present day blues. It was like all the others that had come before. A memory of how every kiss they ever shared had been: Full of sheer anxiety, and relief that someone else was going through it too.

Shepard broke away then. She was immediately haunted by Samantha's words from what seemed like a lifetime ago. They echoed in her head. '_You still love her, don't you?' _Her response to the question had never been truer than in that moment. _'Not in the way you think'. _Shepard ran her fingers through Liara's tendrils, and then released her, pulling away. _This isn't what I wanted._

"Are you alright?" Liara asked, sensing her dilemma.

Shepard had no idea how to answer. "Send a message to the others. Tell them I've got you. I have no Omni-tool to send it myself."

"Yes, Commander." Liara looked like she wanted to talk more on what had just happened, but she obeyed the direct order, sending word of her rescue to all Normandy personnel. "Looks like the Normandy docked one hour ago in Bay A37. Cortez is taking the shuttle to meet us. I am sending him our location."

"Good." Shepard laid her head back against the back of the bench. She felt Liara take her hand as they waited. It didn't feel weird, just natural. Together they sat, in the middle of casino-town, exhausted and unspeaking. It wasn't long before Shepard had passed out. She became semi-conscious as soon as she felt Lt-Commander Vega scoop her up into his arms to carry her to the shuttle. Both she and Liara were then placed on stretchers, and flown straight to Huerta Memorial's Emergency Sector.

Shepard noticed bullet holes lining the hallways of the hospital when they arrived. _Eclipse, _she thought to herself. _I hope no one was hurt. _She opened her eyes, in time to see Miranda Lawson overhead. _Finally! A proper Doctor._

"Shepard?" Miranda prompted. "Shepard, can you hear me?"

Shepard wanted to reply, but she couldn't. She wanted to tell them that the Benefactor was still out there. That Jona Sederis had escaped again. That her mother had just been killed. But she couldn't do it. It wasn't long before Miranda concluded she must be in pain, and gave her a sedative strong enough to take down an Elcor. Shepard felt the drug shooting through her like a warm mug of tea. Feeling like she was floating on a cloud, she drifted off, not knowing when or if she would ever wake up.

#

The usual beeping of life support machines roused Shepard from her slumber, sometime later. She opened her eyes, expecting to be back in her ward at Huerta Memorial, but was surprised to find herself lying in the Normandy's Med Bay.

"Hey, Commander." James's voice grabbed her attention, and she turned to her left, realising he was sitting beside her. She reached out to touch him, and he took her hand in his huge, calloused ones, shaking it.

"Vega," Shepard grinned.

"You did it, man. I should have listened to you."

"No. You were right," Shepard sighed, shaking her head. "I never should have left Earth. I never should have left..." She pushed thoughts of Samantha out of her head, as they were now clouded with confusion. "Where's Legion?"

"Outside in the Crew Lounge. I rustled her up some food before she ate Joker whole."

Shepard tried to laugh but nothing came out. "Liara?"

"Sleeping in my room at the minute. Asari heal a lot faster than Humans do, but she's still a wreck. Malnourished, but hanging in there. She hasn't spoken to anyone much, but Dr Michel checks in on her every few hours. She, er, told me about your Mom. Think she's pretty torn up over it. How you holding up?"

That hollow feeling took over Shepard again, and she avoided his gaze. "Eye for an eye," she mumbled, to no one but herself. James didn't quite understand, but refrained from pressing her.

"You've been out for several days," he told her instead. "Miranda's on board. She's been taking good care of you after your most recent surgery. She can probably explain it better, but I'll give you the run down. Your right knee cap was replaced, so you'll have trouble walking for a bit. Your Synthetic percentage has increased from 33% to around 45%. Miranda managed to fix your sight again. No more freaky orange glow behind the green."

Shepard looked at her faint reflection in one of her monitors, surprised to find he was right. "Grunt and Kasumi?" she asked then, eager to take the focus off herself.

"I ordered their immediate release from Alliance custody once we rescued you and Liara. They're too drunk to remember much of it anyway," he laughed. "They're here on the Normandy, still sleeping it off. Most of the original crew are here too. They've already started taking bets on how long it'll be before you try to escape from the Med Bay like the old days."

Shepard did manage to laugh with him this time. "What are the odds on today?"

"About 20-1."

"Take that bet," she urged him. "I'm only lying here to humour you."

Vega chuckled. "It's really good to have you back, Commander. I've been going crazy over here. I just... want things to be the way they were, you know? But it never works out like that, does it?"

"Never," Shepard said. She stared up at him closely, seeing the stress that lined his face. He didn't look like himself. "You still think you want to be in command?"

"I don't know," he sighed. "Bringing back too many bad memories. I don't mind having a say in what goes on every once in a while, but mine being the final voice every time is just something I've never really been comfortable with, Commander."

"It's a lot of responsibility," Shepard agreed. "I wouldn't have ever given you the job if I didn't think you could handle it though."

"I know. And I appreciate the support, and the faith you have in me. Thing is, I don't think I like what being in command is doing to me. _Mierda._" He brushed the back of his neck with his hand, ironing out a few kinks of strain. "I'm starting to think I belong groundside for a bit."

"Then who's going to Captain the Normandy?" Shepard asked, surprised.

"Hackett's got a few ideas about that, but it all depends on you."

"Me?"

James nodded. "Look, we don't need to get into it now. We should just celebrate this latest victory before shit hits the fan again. Always does, right? I came here to break you out for the celebrations. Vakarian has a sweet game of poker going in the Lounge. What do you say? Up for a little partying?"

Shepard grinned. "That sounds great. But I need to speak with Liara first."

"No problem!" he said, reaching out a hand. "I'll take you to her. I'm sure she'd like to see you too. She's beating herself up over this whole mess."

"It's bringing back some unpleasant memories for her, I'm sure." Shepard accepted his help to sit upwards. She was pleased to find that only her chest was attached to the machines this time, and only by stickers and Iodine. Ripping them off, she then used James' huge frame as support, while she tried out her new knee. "Hey! Feels pretty good! It really bends like it's supposed to."

"Little lopsided though," James laughed.

"Hell, I'm no stranger to a limp," Shepard chuckled. They slowly made their way out of the Med Bay, walking at her tender pace. She point-blank refused his offer of crutches, which Miranda had placed beside her bed. "Hey, have you heard anything from Samantha? I've been seeing some pretty weird reports about us in the news."

At this, Vega hesitated. "Yeah. I, er... spoke with her a few days ago actually, trying to get Legion's tracking number."

Shepard made a face. "Oh. Yeah. Sorry about that." She sniggered. "I'm a real shithead sometimes."

"All water under the bridge," he laughed. "Anyway, word of your divorce has finally reached the tabloids, and some of it's pretty nasty. Tray's freaking out, but I think Aller's is onto it, trying to mop everything up."

"Shit," Shepard sighed. _I bet Samantha's getting the brunt of it. _"Any word of when my Omni-tool will be operational again? I really need to speak with her."

"No ETA yet unfortunately. Kasumi's doing her best to retrieve its data. You can use the Normandy's Vid Comm if you want to call her though."

"Thanks, but I'd rather not have such a personal conversation over official channels," Shepard said. "I'll just wait until we get back to Earth. That is where we're going, right?"

"It was where I had intended to bring you, but Aria has requested you and Liara to meet her on Omega."

"I thought this might be coming," Shepard said, rolling eyes. "Guess we owe her a favour now, after she helped us with the rescue attempts."

"Guess so!" James sang. "Aria doesn't hand out freebies, does she?" He stopped outside his room then, and cleared his throat awkwardly. "I'll, er, leave you two alone."

"Thanks again, James. For everything. I know I've been a pain in the ass, but you handled me better than most." She bid him goodbye, pumping his fist.

"Just doing my job, Commander. I learned from the very best. Takes a lifetime to be you though. I'm still learning." He saluted her, and she returned the gesture. "Come meet us in the lounge if you get a chance, alright?"

"Will do." Shepard threw him one last grin. Without knocking, she then took a deep breath, and entered Lt-Commander Vega's quarters, which had once belonged to the Shadowbroker.


	10. Chapter 10

**_A/N: Just wanted to say thanks to all for the reviews. Glad to hear you are enjoying the sequel. Writing this is getting me through some difficult times at the minute, so it feels good to have_****_ a creative outlet to express myself, and to revisit characters that I adore._**

**_Hope you enjoy the latest instalment! :)_**

* * *

Lieutenant-Commander Vega hadn't changed much of his predecessor's décor since taking over the office as his own. _Apart from the twenty or so monitors belonging to the Shadowbroker that used to adorn the right wall, _Shepard thought to herself, limping past its unusual bareness. A weight bench had been installed beside a smaller desk than before, with a singular, more practical screen that got the job done and nothing more. Vega often reminded her of Admiral Anderson, who also loved an uncluttered quarter to reside in when he was Captain. The double bed was still in the same place, centrally located at the back of the rectangular XO Cabin. A lump under the covers told Shepard that Liara was asleep under them.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed beside her, she brushed a hand across Liara's cheek, circling the purple bruise under her eye. It was crazy to think just how long it had been since they'd seen each other. With familiarity growing, Shepard couldn't resist placing a light kiss on her head.

_You're home now, Little Wing. Wasn't quite time for you to join Benezia yet._

Liara's eyelids fluttered open at her touch, and a soft moan escaped her lips. Her hand reached out, taking Shepard's in a weak hold. "Shepard…"

"Welcome back," Shepard said, smiling down at her. "How are you feeling?"

"I am... not sure. It is all a little overwhelming." Her voice was barely a whisper.

Shepard frowned in concern. She stroked the softer skin between Liara's tendrils with her fingertips, knowing Liara had always found it relaxing. "Amanda said they did experiments on you?"

A faraway look reached Liara's lightening-blue eyes, and she stared out the window of the Normandy. "They... did. I..." Her eyes filled with tears, and she struggled to continue.

"Hey," Shepard soothed, resuming stroking her head. "You can tell me. Who were they?"

Liara's bottom lip began to tremble. "They were some kind of R-Reaper Worshipers."

"Like a cult?"

Liara nodded. "They were interested in the Asari Meld, and h-how it worked," she managed in reply. She closed her eyes, forcing the tears down her face as though eager to get rid of them.

"What did they do to you?"

"Do you… remember the Banshees? Ardat-Yakshi manipulated by the Reapers?" Shepard nodded. "They had one of them. They… experimented on us both."

"What?!" Shepard gasped, sickened. "Why?" She couldn't imagine what Liara must have gone through. _Banshees were the strangest fucking thing the Reapers ever made. _Shepard shivered, remembering the Ardat-Yakshi monastery they had infiltrated during the war.

"I do not know. I am... malfunctioning, Shepard." Liara shook her head, knowing that wasn't the right word. "I mean, I can... no longer control when I Meld."

"You mean it can happen at any time? With anyone?" Shepard had never heard anything so appalling, or terrifying. Melding was extremely intimate. Liara was the only Asari she had actually Melded with in full, and she was sure that she was the only other person that Liara had chosen to do it with, since a high level of trust was involved. Ever since becoming the Shadowbroker, Liara had had little time for dating, and even less trust than before. The idea that someone had cracked into that glorious abyss which had only been experienced by the two of them was nauseating to hear.

_As though a peaceful paradise had been tainted and blackened._

Liara nodded. "I blanked out for most of my capture, to be honest. They did... terrible experiments to induce the process. Now, I am having trouble controlling it."

"I didn't know that could even happen," Shepard said, astounded. "Is it permanent?"

"I have heard tell of it before, although I do not believe it is permanent," Liara said. "It is a sign of trauma that can manifest in Asari, when they have been tortured for a prolonged period of time."

"Asari PTSD," Shepard said, putting into terms she could understand.

Liara nodded. "Yes, in a way. The Meld draws us into a universe of our own creation, protecting us from whatever is attacking our outer body and psyche."

"Fuck," Shepard exhaled. "Oh, Liara. I am _so_ sorry we didn't reach you sooner." More tears found their way down Liara's cheeks, as the longevity of her capture set in. "Come here." Shepard lay down beside her, and wrapped her arm around her protectively, as Liara's trauma overcame her. She shook with violent sobs. Holding her close, Shepard ushered Liara's head onto her shoulder, and began stoking her bicep in short, calming motions. She realised Liara was wearing a small bra-let and underwear under the covers. It was strange seeing her in small clothes after all this time. Her ribs were poking through her navy skin, greatly distressing Shepard, who still remembered how she had felt before.

"I am s-so sorry about your mother," Liara mumbled into Shepard's N7 t-shirt, as her emotions over-spilled. "I k-killed her! I didn't mean to."

"Don't worry about that," Shepard said softly, kissing the top of her head again. "She was going to kill me. You saved my life."

Liara half-laughed. "About time s-somebody saved yours."

Shepard breathed a snort of laughter herself. "Tell me about it. Samantha's been trying to do that for years. I guess I just never let her. I never let anyone." She thought about that then, as the realisation just came to her. _Even Vega tried to help me, and I just brushed him off. I'm a real pain in the ass of everyone close to me._

"Lieutenant Vega told me about your divorce," Liara said, breaking the Commander from the inner-berating of herself. "Shepard, what happened? You and Samantha seemed so content together. I had never seen you as happy."

Shepard found it hard to hear, especially coming from Liara, with whom she had been very happy before her premature death forced a wedge between them. But she couldn't deny that Liara was right. "I know. Maybe it was too good to be true though."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…" Shepard puffed audibly, feeling strange talking about this with her ex-girlfriend, but maybe a distraction was what Liara needed right now after her kidnapping ordeal. "I don't think I ever let anyone in, Li. I mean, not really. Not until you."

"You didn't let me in either, Shepard," Liara said, giggling at the notion. "I just had an unfair advantage into your thoughts as I could Meld with you. I imagine for Humans and other races, it can be very frustrating not being able to link to your bond mate so intimately."

"Fair point, Doctor," Shepard conceded, smiling as she was one-upped. "What I mean is, I guess now I can understand a bit more why Samantha felt she had to leave. It can get pretty lonely being in a relationship with someone incomplete. I ignored that I ever had a problem after the war, and... then the problem became who I was. It consumed me. There are parts of our marriage in recent years that I don't even remember. I'm only surprised she stayed with me as long as she did. Samantha's a stronger woman than I ever was."

Liara raised her head, and rested her back against the headboard. Side by side, they both stared at each other. "I think this is the most profound manner in which I have ever heard you speak, Shepard."

Shepard rolled her eyes, and laughed. "Hey! I do have a deeper side, you know. It's not all tits, guns and booze,"

"I know," Liara smiled. "I've seen it before, buried within, underneath all those layers. I used to see myself there."

"You still are there," Shepard said, meeting her eyes.

Liara shook her head. "Not like before," she disagreed. "All those times I Melded with you to help get you to sleep, I saw myself fading further and further away. That is why it became so uncomfortable for both of us. So painful."

Shepard winced, recalling the sensation of her mind being scorched each time Liara would Meld with her during the war, when Dr Chakwas' drugs had no effect on helping her insomnia. _I'll never forget that in a hurry. _Liara laid her head back on Shepard's shoulder again, remembering it too. Shepard pulled her close again, sighing.

"Are we going to talk about that kiss?" she asked finally, resuming her stroking of the Asari's bicep.

Liara hesitated before replying. "_Is _there anything to talk about?"

"You tell me. I've just flown half-way around a brand new Galaxy to save you."

"But not because you're in love with me, Shepard. Just because that is who you are." Shepard broke into a fit of laughter then, and Liara's head bobbed beneath her. "What?" Liara asked, glancing up at her with bewilderment.

"Nothing. It's just, you're the only person to realise that this whole damn time. No one else would believe me. Least of all Samantha."

Liara joined in, laughing with her. "Again, it is only because I've had an unfair advantage into your mind," she giggled. "I know exactly how you think, Shepard."

"Well, I wish Samantha did. She's hell-bent on jealousy over you."

"Well, we do have a history. Jealousy is only natural. Haven't you ever been jealous of a lover?"

"Not really," Shepard shrugged. "I guess I've just never had time to really think about it. It's not an emotion I'm overly familiar with." She thought about Samantha crying into Aller's shoulder again in the Vid, and felt that same spike of envy that she wasn't accustomed to.

"I suppose," Liara conceded. "And, forgive me, but your track record with my kind is... a little odd. I do not blame Samantha."

Shepard laughed. "Fuck! Not you, too. I find Asari hot, alright? Sue me!"

Liara giggled. "Your wife is beautiful also."

"You're not wrong," Shepard agreed, remembering the finer points of Samantha's body. _And that beautiful scientific mind of hers. _She shook herself back to reality. "But she's my ex-wife now. I have to respect her decision. That's the only reason I ever signed those divorce papers to begin with. Samantha deserves to be with someone who makes her happy."

"She _was_ happy. Goddess, Shepard. You are being silly by pushing her away. We will always share a special connection, but it's nothing like..." Liara tensed up suddenly, and Shepard flinched beneath her.

"Liara? Are you alright?" Liara went rigid on the bed, and sank across her body, staring up at the ceiling. "LIARA! NO!"

Shepard caught one glimpse of Liara's eyes turning from azure to obsidian, before she was taken. The yell she exuded echoed between two dimensions, as Eternity claimed the two of them in a brutal, unyielding hold.

#

Back on Earth, Samantha sat alone on her bed one night, wearing small shorts and a vest. A week had passed since her statement. She was holding a datapad, swiping through the comments people were leaving regarding her divorce, some of which were surprisingly supportive. Like any type of feedback though, she couldn't help but focus more on the bad ones. _And some of it is downright appalling. _Amidst a few more flamers, a link to another article caught her eye. Samantha clicked on it, and read the headline:

_The Violent Tendencies of a Broken Hero: How it Cost Commander Shepard her Marriage._

Below was a huge image of Samantha herself, looking tied and worn out, and sporting a bruise underneath her left eye. _How the hell...? _She read the article, hearing it paint her as some sort of domestic abuse victim, and felt a huge sense of injustice rise within her. Samantha flung the datapad across the bed, unable to read anymore. She got to her feet and walked to the kitchen, taking a bottle of Galician red wine from the wine rack, and pouring herself a glass. As she watched the deep red liquid trickle into the stemmed glass, her mind flashed back to the day that photo had been taken.

#

"Darling? Can you come in here for a moment?" Samantha called, seeing Shepard having a sneaky smoke on their balcony one evening. She laughed, observing her jump and shiftily wave away the plume of smoke around her head for fear of being caught.

"Just a second!" Shepard called, hastily looking for somewhere to stash the cigarette. She stubbed it out on the wall and flicked it down into the backyard. She re-entered their bedroom then, giving Samantha a huge grin. "What's up?"

Samantha snorted. "I thought you'd given up smoking?"

Shepard sighed, knowing the game was up. "I did. I just… celebrated with one to remind myself how well I was doing."

Samantha chuckled. "Are you nervous for tomorrow?"

"No!" Shepard snorted, sliding her cigarettes back into the top drawer of her dresser. "Still don't see why I have to go though." She made her way to the bathroom, and Samantha heard her relieve herself. After flushing, she washed her hands and began to swirl mouthwash around her mouth, spitting it into the sink.

Samantha entered the bathroom then and pressed herself up behind her, wrapping her arms around her waist. They both stared at each other in the mirror. "Do you remember our wedding day?" she reminded her. "What happened?"

Shepard sighed. "I fell," she said, her scarred face blushing in embarrassment.

"Uh-huh. And how did you fall?"

"Er… I may have tripped on the train of your dress?" Shepard ventured.

"Wrong," Samantha grinned. "You tripped on the train of my dress _five_ times, darling. While we were having our first dance together."

"Oh, come on! I rolled out of the last one pretty smoothly, you have to admit," Shepard laughed.

Samantha kissed her on the shoulder, between the strap of her black cotton vest. "That you did. But you're still going tomorrow. No 'buts'."

"Aw, why?" Shepard groaned. "I'm a soldier, not a ballroom dancer. What do I have to learn how to dance for?"

"Because! We have a couple of very important formal events coming up with the Alliance, and you're not going to embarrass me again. Our wedding Vid played throughout the Galaxy for a whole bloody year afterwards!"

Shepard swivelled around, taking Samantha into her arms. "Then I'll just not dance at these ones. Problem solved." She kissed her, sliding her hands down along Samantha's ass, pulling her body closer. "I could think of better things for us to do with our days off," she muttered, claiming her lips again.

Samantha closed her eyes, momentarily distracted by the minty taste of Shepard's tongue. _God, it's been so long since we've been this intimate. _Nine and half years of ups and downs in their marriage had really taken its toll on their sex life. Reluctantly, she pulled back, knowing Shepard was just trying to divert her and wasn't going to follow through on what her tongue promised.

"You're going," she told her firmly. "Besides, I've prepared a little something to help get you in the mood." She intertwined her fingers in Shepard's then, taking her back into the bedroom.

"What are you talking about?" Shepard asked warily. "Should I be worried?"

"Very." Samantha winked, throwing her a smirk. She led her into the living room, and Shepard froze in surprise.

All of their furniture had been pushed back against the walls, revealing a huge stretch of the mahogany floor. Shepard's eyes stared up at the huge, tacky disco ball that Samantha had installed moments ago in secret just to mess with her.

"Oh, hell no," Shepard said, hiding behind Samantha now. "This is not fucking happening."

"Come on!" Samantha giggled, dragging her out onto the makeshift dancefloor. "You used to love dancing during the war!"

"Eh, I'm pretty sure I was always drunk," she reminded her. "Plus, one of the last times I danced in a nightclub, I elbow your ex-girlfriend in the face, remember?"

Samantha chuckled. "How could I forget? It's one of my favourite memories." She flicked her Omni-tool, and the digital interface in the corner sprang to life, with smooth jazz echoing around the room. She pulled Shepard closer then, encouraging her reluctant hips to move with the music.

"This is_ so_ not happening," Shepard said, unable to stop smiling nonetheless. She loosened up at little then, at Samantha's insistence. It wasn't long before they were both laughing, twirling around their living room in unison.

"Thank fuck the blinds are closed!" Shepard panted, glancing at the windows nonetheless just to be sure. "I'm a lot more self-conscious when I'm sober!"

"Oh, who cares?" Samantha laughed, showing her some moves. "It's just me, darling. I've seen you make a bigger twat out of yourself than this!"

"You're going to regret that statement," Shepard laughed. She began to pull out some of her more riskier dance moves as the musical genre changed to something more lively. They both fell into fits of hilarity. Samantha dodged away from her flailing arms and legs.

"My God! You look possessed!" she teased her, spinning away for fear of her own safety.

Shepard threw her arms up and started pretending to spiral like a ballerina across the open space. She lost her footing on the last step, and tripped over the dog, crashing headfirst into Samantha, knocking her to the floor.

"Ow!" Samantha groaned, winded as she landed flat on her back with Shepard on top. She held her face, unable to open her eyes.

"Shit! You ok?" Shepard cringed, helping them both up. "Let me see. Let me see." She pried Samantha's hand away from her eye, where a huge welt was now forming just above her left cheekbone. "Oops! That's definitely gonna bruise."

"Damn it, Shepard!" Samantha complained, half way between laughing and crying. "Get me something to stop the swelling! Feels like my head has been cleaved in two."

Sniggering, Shepard ran to the freezer and pulled out a frozen pack of Turian supplements that Garrus had left the last time he visited. She hurried back to Samantha and took her face in her hands, placing the frozen bag on her injury.

"Argh!" Samantha gasped, wincing as she put pressure on it. "This hurts almost as bad as the time Vega and I were sparring on the Normandy and I walked into his fist."

"Oh, yeah," Shepard recalled. "Still hate him for that."

"You would," Samantha smiled. "But you have no leg to stand on, now that you've just head-butted me to the floor."

"I'm sorry," Shepard chuckled, dabbing the wound. Samantha's eyes darted from each of Shepard's then. This was the closest they had been in months. The Commander's eyes flickered from Samantha's wound to lock with hers, green and orange staring deep into swirling chocolate. A breath-taking second passed between them, reminding Samantha of how Shepard used to make her feel. Having her touch her again, having her show some real emotion towards her, was sending her into a daze almost as fast as the concussion was.

The hand holding the icy pack fell away from her cheek then, as Shepard realised why Samantha had frozen in her arms. "You ok?" With a fleeting glance at Sam's lips, she then dropped the bag onto the floor, and caught her in a fierce, hungry kiss, almost knocking her over again.

Samantha's heart wrenched, as sparks she hadn't felt in years erupted inside her. She held Shepard tighter than she ever had before, meeting her fierceness with her own. Jumping, she wrapped her legs around the Commander's waist, and Shepard carried her back to the sofa, pinning her down. Samantha tore Shepard's vest off her eagerly, and shimmied out of her own shorts before Shepard could change her mind. To her dismay however, she had already stopped. She flopped down on top of Samantha, and rolled to the side. With a hand behind her head, she stared up at the disco ball, a faraway look in her eyes.

"Sorry," she muttered again, but for a different reason now.

"No, I'm sorry," Samantha said, panting. "I shouldn't have…" She stole a quick glance at Shepard's breasts, then huddled into her warmth, feeling Shepard's arm envelope her in. With a sigh, she closed her eyes, her head resting on Shepard's shoulder. The joy they had felt moments ago had been replaced with the same despair that had clouded them for the last few years.

"Do you remember when this used to be easy?" Shepard whispered, stroking her arm.

Samantha swallowed over the lump in her throat. "What happened to us, darling?"

"I don't know," Shepard said, her arm tightening around her. "I've been distant. I can't seem to… I just feel strange."

"You're still not well," Samantha offered to spare her from blame. "You're trying though. I believe in you."

Shepard buried a kiss in Samantha's hair, hugging her closer. "How long do you think you can keep this up for?"

Samantha straightened up then, pulling away from her. "What do you mean?" she asked, frowning.

Shepard sat up too, and with that their fleeting intimacy was gone. Without another word, she got up and walked away. She entered their bedroom, and closed the door behind her. Samantha exhaled. She reached for her shorts, putting them back on again, ignoring her dying arousal. _Another night bites the dust. _Shaking her head, she walked to the kitchen and chose a bottle of red from the wine rack. She had just poured herself a glass when her Omni-tool rang.

"Chakwas. Everything alright?"

"Samantha. I've… er, just managed to fall out of my wheelchair and can't get back up."

"My God, are you alright? I'm coming over."

"Oh, that would be a great help, dear. I'm so sorry to disturb you."

"Don't be silly!" Samantha glanced at the closed bedroom door. Feeling the same ache in her heart, she added: "You're not disturbing anything." She took a quick sip of wine and placed it on the counter for later. "I'll be there as quick as I can."

"Thank you, dear. The door is open."

Samantha hung up and entered the bedroom. She glanced at the bed, seeing Shepard lying face down in the dark. She knew she wasn't asleep, but gave her the benefit of the doubt. Grabbing a pair of trousers from the cupboard, she slipped them on over her shorts, and pulled on her boots. She grabbed Shepard's N7 hoody from the clothes horse and zipped it over her shirt. She walked to the door, whispering for the dog. Legion trotted to her, receiving a pat on the head. Samantha then ordered her up to lie beside Shepard on the bed. The dog curled into the Commander, and placed her head on Shepard's lower back, staring at Samantha with understanding eyes.

"Good girl," Samantha whispered, patting her one last time. Taking one last glance at the back of Shepard's head, she closed the room door and left the house.

The cool night breeze tickled her face, reminding her of the bruise under her eyes. Touching it and wincing again, she began the short walk to Dr Chakwas' house, half a mile south. In no time at all, she was helping the wizened doctor up off the floor and back into her overturned wheelchair.

"Thank you," Chakwas smiled, taking the mug of steaming Earl Grey that Samantha handed her. "How was your night, before I so rudely interrupted?"

"Same as usual," Samantha sighed, pacing the quint little space Dr Chakwas had made her own. "Shepard doing fine one minute, then turning unresponsive the next."

"Can I ask what happened to your eye?"

"Oh." At this, Samantha managed a smile. "I was teaching her to dance. Accidental clash of heads. It's fine. Don't worry."

Chakwas chuckled. "It's already starting to bruise, dear. Make sure you put some ice on it when you get home."

"I will. Do you have any pills I can take to Shepard? Just in case she needs them tomorrow when she wakes up."

"Here." Doctor Chakwas retracted Shepard's stored medication from her locker, and put them in Samantha's hand, closing her fingers around them. She held her hand for longer than necessary, staring up at her from her wheelchair. "Samantha, I'm sorry that you're having to go through this. I know it's taking its toll on you."

"It isn't," Samantha lied, determinedly avoiding her gaze. "Honestly, I'm fine. I just hope she's ok."

"Shepard's a tough woman, but she hasn't made as much progress in recovery as we both would have liked. Sobriety seems to have just added to her problems. In some ways, she's getting progressively worse. She's in so much pain with those implants of hers. They are the main reason now that she isn't herself. I knew this day would come, but she won't hear tell of having Miranda replace them."

"I don't blame her. She's spent enough time in hospitals as it is. I'm not going to try and convince her to go back to one, Karin. It's her choice, not anyone else's."

"It should be at least _one_ other person's: Yours." Doctor Chakwas' eyes had a bit too much understanding in them, making Samantha feel exposed. She realised she couldn't hide the truth from her any longer.

"Fine. I'm exhausted," she relented, feeling an unexpected tear trickle down her face. Karin's hand squeezed hers comfortingly. "I love her so much, Karin. That's never going to change, but I can't... I don't know if I can do this anymore."

Doctor Chakwas' wise old eyes filled with tears too then. "It sounds like you have a decision to make. No one can make it for you. Nine and half years is a long time married. I know you both love each other, Samantha, that much has always been clear. But Shepard's needs can't always come first. You need to take care of yourself too."

Samantha sniffled, and Chakwas released her hand, leaving her with the tiny bottle of pills. "Thanks, Karin. I'd... I'd better get back. I don't want to leave her alone for too long."

"Of course, dear. Look after yourself. I'm here if you need me."

Samantha leaned down and gave her a papery kiss on the cheek. She then left the cottage, and made her way back up the rocky gravel path that led home. She thought about what Doctor Chakwas had said, about taking care of herself. It felt like an age since she'd just done something for herself. Her love for Shepard was great, but as their almost-decade of marriage progressed, she felt like she was losing a bit of herself along the way. Maybe it was the stress talking, or maybe she was just sleep-deprived. _Maybe it's loneliness._ Samantha couldn't shake the idea that she needed a break from their relationship. The very thought stabbed at her heart, and she pushed it aside for now.

She walked past the white picket fence that led up to the front door of their home, and let herself in, shutting the door quietly behind her. She made her way to the bedroom, finding Shepard sound asleep for real. _Sweet dreams, darling. _Placing the bottle of pills on her bedside cabinet for when she woke, Samantha then undressed and climbed into bed beside her. She ushered Legion to the foot of the bed, so that she could fit her body against Shepard's, and melted into her naked warmth. It always felt nice being this close to her, like everything would work out in the end. But Samantha couldn't ignore the feeling that Shepard was slipping away from her. She buried her face in the Commander's scent, inhaling the familiarity, placing a tender kiss on her neck. Nothing had to be decided tonight. She couldn't face the idea of leaving her. Tomorrow would be another day; they'd just have to take each one as it came.


	11. Chapter 11

"_Liara?!"_

"_Shepard?! Goddess, are you alright?"_

_Shepard looked down at Liara's naked body, unable to help herself. "Uhm. Where are your clothes? Holy fuck! Are we having sex right now?"_

"_No, of course not" Liara replied, hugging her private parts to shield herself from view. Shepard looked down, realising she too was naked, and quickly did the same thing._

"_This is weird," she said, feeling the bizarre urge to laugh. "What the hell just happened? Where are we?"_

"_We've Melded," Liara said. "I'm so sorry! I… I can't control it! This is exactly what I feared, seeing you again."_

"_And is there a particular reason we're naked?" Shepard asked, giggling when she couldn't hold it in anymore. "Not that I'm complaining. Looking good, T'Soni." She threw her a wink._

"_I…" Liara blushed, and gave her a reluctant simper. "Our minds are in the same deep Meld as back when we were in a relationship, projecting what we both wanted to see. It doesn't change. It is Eternal, remember?"_

"_Embrace Eternity," Shepard nodded. "Yep. Now I get it." She looked around her then, staring up at the weightless blackness, seeing colourful stars dancing around them. She recalled how she and Liara used to travel here together, while their bodies were intertwined in real life, writhing in sexual pleasure. But this Meld had been unexpected, and definitely not initiated by either of them. "So... what's happened to our bodies in the real world? I can't sense mine at all like I used to."_

"_I think we have both fallen unconscious." Liara appeared frightened. "Shepard, I can't sense my body either."_

"_That's… not good. So, how do we get out of here without frying out brains?" It felt surreal, like she was hovering in a dreamland, one with swirling mixtures of her own thoughts and emotions, interwoven with Liara's._

_Liara took in their familiar surroundings as well. "I have absolutely no idea."_

"_You don't?" Shepard's humour started to wane as she finally realised just how much shit they were in. The hum of paradise lulled her into false sense of security, and she clutched her body, feeling like she should be shivering with some non-existent breeze. "You know, it just occurred to me that-"_

"_That you never asked me how any of this worked when we were together?" Liara finished for her. She smiled then, seeing Shepard's confusion. "I have access to everything you're thinking in here. And to answer your unasked question before that, no, we're not going to have sex just because we're back."_

_Shepard sniggered. "Worth a shot. The sex was always mind-blowing though."_

_Liara chuckled. "Your jokes are relentless."_

"_So how we getting out of here? My kiss idea wasn't a bad one too, was it?"_

"_Not entirely," Liara conceded. "It would deepen the Meld further, and give us more control over it than we have now. At the moment, we are trapped in its power. Would you… like to give it a try?"_

"_I thought you'd never ask."_

_Liara sighed. "You could at least try acting like you are worried we're trapped, Shepard. This is serious."_

"_Sorry. Kiss it better?"_

_Liara's exasperated laughter echoed in the nothingness. Reluctantly, she allowed Shepard to take her into her arms. As they held each other, it was hard for Shepard not to get turned on, and virtually impossible for her to hide it from Liara._

"_Don't go getting any ideas," Liara said, feeling the excitement radiate off her. "I can still see Samantha in the back of your mind."_

"_Don't remind me, please."_

"_You may have fooled everyone else, Commander, but right now I can feel just how much you miss her. I can… see that moment when she walked out on you. I can feel your heartache."_

"_Stop." Shepard was uncomfortable now. She rested her forehead against Liara's, not daring to look into her eyes. "You know I hated when you used to do this during the war. When you Melded with my mind to help me sleep, you would dissect every speck of emotion inside of me."_

"_I cannot help it. There are many layers to a Meld, Shepard. I only saw the most prominent emotions you projected. And Samantha burns brighter in you than you even realise."_

"_Yeah, well I can feel how lonely you are. Two can play at that game," Shepard snapped._

_Liara didn't look too pleased about having her own emotions deciphered. "It is true. I have been." She drifted away from Shepard then, as though not looking at her was going to stop their reluctant exchanges of truths._ _There was no escaping the other when Embracing Eternity._

_Shepard floated towards her in the weightless abyss. She touched Liara's skin, tracing her hips, seeing multi-coloured sparkles emanating under her fingertips. "Liara," she muttered, encouraging her to turn around. Liara's face was clouded with sadness, and Shepard cupped it in her hands, staring deep into her eyes._

"_Don't, Shepard. Please," Liara whispered. "This constant see-sawing of emotions, back and forth all the time, is what makes this Meld so painful for us. The last time I did this, I scorched your brain to escape. Don't you remember how I found out about your relationship with Samantha?"_

_A distant memory was shared between them then, of Shepard and Samantha having sex in the shower of Shepard's cabin aboard the Normandy, during the war. Accompanying it was a play by play of Shepard's thoughts as she explored Samantha's body for the first time._

"_Please, stop." Shepard cringed, reliving every tingle or arousal she had felt in the moment. No one ever forgot their first time with the one they loved. "That's private."_

"_I don't want to see it," Liara said defensively. "I never intended to Meld with you again, Shepard. This isn't our paradise anymore. It is torture being here with you, and seeing you and your real love together. Happy... I can feel every ounce of joy she brought you, and it cuts me to my core to know that I could never give you as much."_

_Shepard was taken aback by her words. "Liara…"_

"_Just stop," Liara pled weakly, shaking her head. "We need to figure out a way to get out of here before even salvaging our friendship is deemed virtually impossible. Arguing is not going to help us."_

"_It's not my fault that I fell in love with another woman," Shepard said, feeling Liara's unexpected jealousy trickle through her then. "You hurt me when you turned your back on me after Cerberus rebuilt me. If not for Samantha, I may have eventually forgiven you, and we could have tried again. But I was meant to be with Sam."_

"_I know," Liara sighed, flinching at the sensation of Shepard's pain and her own combining. It radiated through them both. "Samantha and I turned away from you for very different reasons though. You cannot paint her with the same brush as you judge me."_

"_That's not what I'm doing."_

"_Isn't it?" Liara asked, searching Shepard's eyes. Her question echoed in the void. "I can feel how you did, the day she walked out of your home and ended your marriage. You were angry with her, but even angrier with yourself. You wanted her to stay, but you wouldn't chase her. Even then, you couldn't admit to yourself that you needed someone."_

"_I needed _you_ when I was taking on the Collectors," Shepard snarled. "And you were too wrapped up in your own shit to spare me a thought. Samantha stayed a hell of a lot longer than you before giving up on me."_

"_This argument again," Liara groaned, trying to pull away from her._

"_You're damn right!" Shepard persisted, keeping her close. "Don't think that because you have temporary access inside of my head that it gives you the right to cast judgement on what you see. You're watching my memories back like a movie, giving me critique I didn't ask for. This is my life, Liara."_

"_I am simply telling you what you already know," Liara replied. "What you constantly feign ignorance on. You need Samantha… You never needed me."_

_Shepard's anger waned then, as she felt Liara's pain emanating around them. The Meld changed from peaceful and glistening, to gloomy and dark. "You're right," she admitted. "I… need her. I still want her. Every piece of me hurts being away from her, but I was selfish, Liara. It's not just about what I need." She struggled with being forced into the truth so openly by their intertwined minds. "So yeah, I didn't fight for Samantha. I let her make a decision that would give her what she needed, because I knew if I begged her to stay then she would. And that wasn't right when I could only give her part of me. Until I figure out where the rest of me went, she's better off without me."_

_If she could have cried in the Meld, then she would have been. Liara touched her cheek, prompting Shepard to look into her obsidian irises. "Our love only belongs in here, Shepard. It does not belong out there anymore." Liara had difficulty with the truths the Meld was throwing at them as well then. "I can feel the depths of our affection for one another. But I can also sense the distance. You love Samantha. That is the clearest thing I can decipher. It's at the forefront of your mind. So… let's try to escape from our Eternal, and get back to real life so you can get back to her. Let's leave what could have been behind us, and move on."_

_Shepard exhaled, resting her forehead against Liara's again. She knew it was time to get over her once and for all. But the longer she stood in Eternity's Embrace with her, reliving every flicker of affection they'd ever held for each other, the more difficult it was proving._

"_Fine. Let's get this over with," Shepard said. "The suspense is killing me, but if kissing gets us out of here then let's just do it. At least both of us know, now, that that's all it is." The same arousal that Liara had sensed in her earlier throbbed again nonetheless._

"_Shepard…"_

"_Look, you're just going to have to deal with my horniness. It's not like I can hide it from you in here."_

_Liara giggled at Shepard's reasoning then, and fought to remain serious, knowing how hard this was going to be for them both. "Here goes. You need to give yourself to me fully. Then I can regain control over the Meld and, hopefully, guide our minds back to our bodies."_

_Shepard glanced down at Liara's lips, wetting her own in anticipation. Slowly, they closed the short distance between them, beginning a hesitant, but tender kiss. As soon as they met, the Meld exploded, sending fireworks of passion throughout ever nerve ending. Shepard's arousal increased tenfold, and she couldn't control her hands. As their passion grew, she explored the contours of Liara's body, re-familiarising herself with each of her curves, the touch of her skin, the shape of her breasts pressed against hers, the softness between her legs..._

It was over as soon as it came. Shepard and Liara both sprang back to life in the real world, and their eyes opened. With a sharp intake of breath like she'd just been submerged in water, Shepard jumped up. They were still in the same position they'd been in before the Meld, lying across Vega's bed in a heap.

"Oh, thank the Goddess!" Liara gasped, straightening up too, massaging her forehead.

"Clothes are still on." Shepard puffed in relief, patting her chest for proof of her t-shirt. "Man, that would have been awkward."

At this, Liara chuckled. "How is your head? Any lasting damage?"

"Bit of a migraine, but nothing I can't handle." She was lying. She felt as though her brain had been jiggled with a hot poker. "You?"

"It… will take me a little longer to recover." Liara lay back down, further away now, determinedly not making physical contact with Shepard. The spark of intimacy they'd shared in the Meld was dying away.

"You ok?" Shepard asked, relaxing back against the headboard like before, a hand casually resting behind her head. She watched Liara's black eyes gradually return to their normal blue, cautious of disturbing her until she had completely snapped out of the unexpected merging of their minds.

_I definitely don't want to end up there again._

"Yes. Sorry. There is just... so much darkness in you," Liara breathed. "It is rather difficult to process."

"I know. That's the part I have difficulty explaining to everyone." Shepard exhaled, and stared out the same window Liara had escaped in earlier, watching various stars in the depths of space. Omega loomed in the distance. _We're almost there? How much time has passed since our Meld? _

Liara tickled her hand, regaining Shepard's attention. She then smiled up at her in sympathy. "It is just trauma, Hayley. You need to let it go. It's the only way to get your true self back."

Shepard reached down her N7 collar then, grasping Samantha's dog-tags, still hanging around her neck since her hospital escape. "I'm going to try," she said, tracing the lettering for the millionth time since they'd split. "Really try this time. For her. I owe it to her."

"You owe it to yourself, Commander. I was with you from the beginning, when the whole Reaper business began, back when we believed Saren and Benezia were the enemy. We have been through so much together, a lifetime of despair and carnage." Liara's eyes sparkled with tears. "You killed my mother, and now I have killed yours. The war claimed us both. It stole our relationship. It spoiled our love. It took your life, and mine with it. When does it ever end?"

"When we let go," Shepard replied, grasping her meaning. Her pain resonated in Liara's softly spoken words. "Something neither of us has done. I just got an insight into your thoughts too, remember?"

Liara smiled sadly. "I am one of the few Asari left with any influence in the galaxy. I watched my whole planet fall to the Reapers, and felt responsible for its downfall. Maybe you are right. Maybe it is time to leave the shadows, and assume a position that can really help my people rebuild."

"I think Aria might have something to say about that," Shepard said. "We'll soon find out once we reach Omega."

"Yes. Her involvement in all of this is quite suspicious," Liara agreed. "Although I would not believe she could be behind it, Aria has been angling for my endorsement for quite some time. I have long suspected that she wishes to bring her particular brand of power to merge with mine. Now, I suppose I owe her a chance to try."

"It's not a bad idea, either," Shepard said. "Aria's smart. Conniving, some would say. But she's had her fingers in Asari politics even when the first Council was around, before Sovereign and the Geth. Maybe this is just a way to bring back a bit of the original Asari leadership. Like it or not, Aria holds influence that could be invaluable to you."

"Are you actually suggesting that I trust her?" Liara asked, eyes wide in surprise.

"Not at all. I'm talking about an alliance," Shepard grinned. "Your voice holds a lot of weight now, Liara. Keep Aria sweet, and she'll do the dirty work so that you don't have to."

"But at what cost?"

"There's always a cost," Shepard reminded her. "Do you think during the war that I always did what I agreed with? What was morally right?"

"I know for a fact that you didn't. And I know a lot of that regret still resides in that darkness I just got a taste of inside of you."

Shepard felt it again, like a huge weight on her chest. "Yeah," she breathed, staring down at Samantha's tags once more. "It's gonna take another while to unravel that one."

"It wouldn't be worth doing otherwise," Liara smiled. She rolled close to Shepard again, wrapping her arm around her midsection. Shepard resumed her stroking of Liara's tendrils.

"I really missed you, Li. Not like that, but... as a friend."

"I missed you too, Shepard," she sighed with regret. "Somewhere along the line, we forget to even be friends. The last ten years have been wasted. We spoke so little. Why were we so distant? It is true, you had your life on Earth, and I had mine on Tuchanka, helping Wrex rebuild. But we didn't need to stop speaking."

"I don't know," Shepard shrugged. "Samantha never had a problem with our friendship. It was just my complete lack of explanation that pushed her away, and gave her the insecurities to beat me over the head with."

Liara chuckled. "It was a little harder for me to let go of you, than vice versa. I think that's where her insecurities came from actually. That's why I distanced myself from you both when the war was over. Seeing you so happy, it... just reminded me of what we had lost and could never get back."

"But you're not in love with me now," Shepard reminded her. "Our little impromptu Meld solved that equation. Apart from our familiarity with each other, there's no future in the idea of us anymore."

"In fact, I think this is the most platonic we've ever been," Liara giggled. "I'm glad we have finally concluded this. Thank you, Shepard."

"For what?"

"For distracting me. I really needed it." Liara became serious then. "I... think I would like to be alone now, however. If that is alright? I am rather tired again."

"Of course!" Shepard released her, and slid off the bed. She watched Liara make herself comfortable, and smiled down at her. "Do you need anything before I go?"

"No. Thank you. Just look after yourself, please. I am not the only one in need of care."

"You mad? I'm going to go test out this sweet Synthetic knee that Miranda just installed."

Liara giggled, shaking her head as she stared up at her. "You always know how to make people laugh. What would we ever do without you?"

"Probably get yourselves in a lot less shit." Shepard grinned. "I'll leave you be. Sweet dreams, Liara. I hope you feel better."

"You too," Liara whispered. Their eyes met, each reminiscing about a life they could have lived, but knowing that it would remain nothing more than a distant memory.

"You know, I'm glad to find out that our Meld never changed after all this time," Shepard said.

"What do you mean?"

She smiled. "It's just nice to know that our love survived in a least one universe, even if it didn't survive in this one."

Liara's eyes swam with emotion, as they stared up into Shepard's green ones, that for once were no longer shining with orange. The full effect of her Organic emerald stare was striking. "Me too," Liara breathed. "Makes letting go of it in this life a little bit easier."

Shepard leaned in and gave her one last kiss on the forehead. She pulled the covers up around her, and stroked her cheek. "Get some rest. I'll wake you when we dock on Omega for our meeting with Aria."

"Shepard?"

"Yeah?"

Liara's smile was sweet and knowing as she stared up into her eyes. "Go get her back."

A grin spread across Shepard's face. "You read my mind."

Moving gingerly, she turned out the lamp on the bedside table, casting them into greyness. She shuffled to the door in the semi-darkness, and, taking one last glance back at Liara, exited Vega's office, shutting the door behind her.

Once the door had closed, she rested her back against it. Her head still prickled after such an unexpected Meld, and she massaged her temples. _I need a drink. _Remembering the game of poker in the lounge, she started limping towards it. As noise of the rowdy crew echoed from it however, Shepard paused. She heard Vega and Cortez having banter. She heard Garrus and Grunt's laughter. She had never heard such genuine happiness exuding from the Normandy while she had been captaining it. The thought made her smile, and she turned away from the lounge, deciding not to interrupt. There was something else she needed to do that couldn't wait any longer.

Entering the elevator, Shepard made her way up to her cabin. Without her Omni-tool, her only option of private communication was a terminal capable of reaching Earth. She sat down at her desk, thinking over everything Liara had helped piece together for her inside her own head.

_I let Samantha walk out that door. Why did I do that? Why didn't I fight for her? I pushed her further away, when I really wanted the opposite._

Taking a deep breath, Shepard brought up the terminal interface and selected 'new message'. There was something so primitive about typing that it levelled her. Her fingers hovered over the keys, trembling with hesitancy and anticipation. Her heart felt stronger than it had in years, jittering wildly in her chest. A strong sense of desire burned in Shepard's gut, and her head felt clearer than it ever had. She'd finally hit bottom, and the only way out was to now claw her way back up. Slowly, she began to type, putting into words everything she had supressed since the war. Everything she had buried. Everything that had haunted her steps and curled in the shadows of her mind. Everything that she had never been able to explain to the woman she loved.


End file.
